Post # 1
In my last 35 days of planning let’s just say everything has gone completley INSANE. I just got a text message from a friend of my mother’s who kindly let me know that though she hasn’t received her invitation, my mother told her it must have been lost in the mail, but she is “TOTALLY INVITED” — WITH HER INSANELY ADORABLE AND UNBEARABLE TWO SONS.
She went on to say that she’s also already booked her room, her husband has booked their flights and “can’t wait to see my beautiful self walk down the aisle”
Said she was just contacting me to let meknow she didn’t receive the invitaiton just in case other people had not received their as well.
A) She’s not invited.
B) The wedding is adults only
C) My mother vehemently denies inviting her
D) I don’t believe my mother
Have you had this happen? How do you handle diplomatically?
Post # 3
OMG. I would tell her that you’re so sorry but you didn’t send her an invitation.
Your mom can deal with it from there.
Post # 4
I would respond that ” There must have been some breakdown in communication between you and my mother. We are at maximum capacity and are unable to add anyone else to the guestlist. I feel badly that you made plans in the absence of an invitation.”
Post # 5
@bone1080: My MIL (also not paying for a lick of anything) finally stopped inviting people when I got angry at her. She’s never seen angry from me, but I’m sorry. I drew the line when we were inviting my siter in law’s husband’s parents, who I don’t even know!! COME ON!!!!! I would totally put this back on your mom. Let her clean up the mess, you have enough to worry about.
Post # 6
“I am sorry but there must have been a comunication error. You were not sent an invitation and our contract with both our cater and venue will not allow us to add any more guest. I hope this does not effect your relationship with both my mother and I.” After I got down apologizing to her I would go straight to my mother and let her know I’m beyond angry. I’d also inform my mother if anyone univited shows up I will assume they were invited by her and they will be turned away.
I suggest you tell them yourself because you never know what your mom might say.
Post # 7
@bone1080: wow, just wow. i agree with pp. tell her that she has been misinformed and have your mother deal with it.
who would book a flight without an actual invite in hand?
Post # 8
Thanks everyone! I called her this morning…. it went HORRIBLY. She said we needed to refund her the money for her expense (to which we are clearly not) — WHO BOOKS TICKETS TO A WEDDING WITH NO INVITATION???
Post # 9
@bone1080: What the hell?! Leave your mom to clean up the mess she made. That uninvited lady seems kind of entitled.
Post # 10
@bone1080: Yikes. I’m sorry. I’d definitely contact your mother and have her sort out the situation since she’s the one who started this mess in the first place.
Post # 11
Tell her your mom will pay her back. Honestly, the woman probably should have gotten in touch with you to double check before she put down money.
Post # 12
@bone1080: Don’t tell her your mother will pay her back. Don’t offer to pay her back. She sounds quite entitled. She booked a flight and rooms without a STD in hand, without an invitation in hand. Her own fault.
The friendship your mother will have to work out for herself, it’s her own bed and she has to lie in it.
Post # 13
@bone1080: I think that you did the right thing by contacting your mother’s friend yourself. I also don’t feel that you are responsibile for any cost incurred from this miscommunication. If in fact your mother did give her the impression that she and her entire family were invited, whether through directly stating that or by some vague inference, then that is a situation that they (your mom and her friend) will have to sort through themselves. Personally, I would have confirmed with you prior to making ANY arrangements. So in that regard your mom’s friend needs to bear some responsibility.
Post # 14
@bone1080: argh, sorry it went poorly. Honestly I’d refer her to your mother via text.
Everyone is getting on this woman but…it’s extremely unlikely someone booked their flights etc based on a whim!. I’d wager your mother invited her a while ago (ie “save the date”) and assured her you want her there and to expect an invitation. The woman probably booked everything then and finally now realized she never got the official invitation in the mail. Your mom never expected this woman to text you ahead of time and figured once she was there it was too late.
There is more to this story! As you said, you yourself don’t believe your mother. Your mom is the one to be angry with, this woman friend is probably totally bewildered/angry and hurt and out money!
Post # 15
@gemgirl6: I honestly don’t mean to attack the woman at all….. but her yelling at me saying I need to cover her costs is beyond my comprehension. I mean, she has my number…. she reached out to tell me she didnt receive an invitiation but booked anyway. My concern is why didn’t she contact me prior to booking the room and flights? Honesly, I’m mad at my mom (even though she keeps saying she didn’t invite her) — mad at the woman for being mad at me when I CLEARLY didn’t invite her….. and just overall ready for August 10th to get here.
I’m not paying for anything. I told her to call my mom with her concerns and financial issues. If they aren’t friends after this? Not my concern.
Though in other news I just got a text from the woman “My husband and I decided we will come to the ceremony and just not the reception since you can’t afford to pay for our plates.”
……. I. DIE.
I’m not responding.
Post # 16
@AirForceWife78: I just laughed out loud at your post, because I can relate! I also drew the line with my FMIL when we were inviting my FI’s younger sister’s BOYFRIEND’S PARENTS and SISTER, and giving the sister a plus one! Like really????