(Closed) Mother issues!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Aww I don’t really know what to say, I am just sorry you are in this situation. Perhaps you could speak to her but keep her at arms length until after the wedding. I.e. Just a phone call once a week or something, so she is kept in the loop but will minimise fights etc?

Post # 4
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Honestly, I might invite her to the wedding, but that’s about it.  Based on past experience, I wouldn’t involve her in the wedding processat all, and I’d ask all family members not to tell her anything or they will be kept out of the loop as well.

Post # 5
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you know she will make wedding planning stressful (because that’s what she did to your siblings) then don’t involve her. Invite her to avoid drama. Seat her as far away from your dad as possible. But do not involve her in the planning.

Post # 6
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@smileyme:  I think it’s safe to say that allowing her back in your life is not going to end well.  Weddings tend to bring out the worst in people…. if she’s already a crappy person, your wedding isn’t going to change that fact.  I’m sorry, it sucks. 

Post # 7
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

My father is similar, I disinvited him from my wedding and the resulting stress of that and other  matters including my future ILs caused me to have a stroke on 8/28. I wouldn’t recommend letting her back into your life, it’s just going to cause you more anxiety. At least you know what it’s like and you won’t be surprised if you do decide to reconcile with her.

Post # 8
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

If you already know how she acted during your siblings wedding process, why would you even consider involving her in yours? If you’re looking to keep the peace, then do as PPs say and invite her to the wedding, but don’t let her get involved with the planning. 
I’d personally sever ties, but it is entirely your choice, and no one can make it for you.

Post # 9
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn

To agree with PPs, invite her to the wedding, but keep her out of planning. Your situation is kind of similar to mine. I cut my mom off about 10 months ago. Circumstances are different, but the need for peace and family connection I completely understand (sweet Jebus, do I understand). A lot of what my mother’s done has contributed to my anxiety and depression (plus genetics, yay!).

This is really my mom’s last shot. If she can’t respect my wishes, I have no obligation to have a toxic person in my life. And neither do you. I just know that there is a possibility that I’ll regret not having her there.

Post # 10
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I also have a somewhat rocky relationship with my mother, I’m not going to get into details too deep because it doesn’t matter much. It took me a long time and a lot of therapy to realize the only way I could get along with my mother was to expect nothing from her, and except her as she is. I tried not talking to her and there is no reason to carry that kind of hate and pain with you. I ended up talking to her again because my grandmother had surgery and I told my grandma I’d be nice to her I was a few months pregnant at the time and I thought about my unborn  daughter more then myself. It is selfish to hold that king of pain and to spread it to other people. It HURTS other people and I knew I didn’t want my daughter to learn that kind of anger. 

 

I know this doesn’t sound like much it’s actually very simple but I hope it helps. I really understand the whole starting up bullshit and I know it’s easy to let it bother you and hard to let it go but you will have a much happier life if you learn to take her for who she is. I really hope this helps it works for me but everyone is different and has different breaking points.

Post # 12
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@smileyme:  Thank you for your kind words of support. I’m recovering, but my last meetings/conversations with my father have led me to the decision to cease contact with him – for my sake. I certainly would never tell anyone what to do concerning a parent/child relationship, but I think if the relationship is so stressful that you can’t see anything positive coming out of letting the person back into your life, I’d say it’s time to let it go.

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