Post # 1
Ok to start, my mom and I have always got along well. That was until we started trying to plan my wedding. The quick background is that I’m the first girl on my Dads side to be born in 6 generations so to say the least there are very high expectations.
The problem is this…
Talking with everyone in my family, which is pretty big and very talkative with one another, obviously somethings are going to get misinterpretted. The problem is that I don’t know what it is! At a family party yesterday apparently someone said I said something about my mother and it has obviously upset her. I tried asking her and she said “its not your problem its mine.” However she continues to treat me like crap by being rude and just trying to make my life miserable.I hate when people can’t be grown up, especially when its a parent, and just talk. What also is bothering me is that she obviously believes whatever she was told and doesn’t even let me try to defend myself. I really am at a lose of what to do. Mr. Orchids says I should just let her diffuse because she has a tendency to explode when she’s highly irritated.
Any help would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
Well, unless you know what she’s upset about you really can’t do anything about it. Just try not to talk much to your family since they’re pretty chatty cathies.
And tell your mom it bothers you and upsets you that she’s so upset and that she probably misunderstood something. Try to appeal to her sensitive side. Moms dig that. But if she’s just going to assume it’s her problem, maybe she has her own issues going on with the family that have nothing to do with you.
Post # 4
OK bees to add in to this….
I did really try to talk to my mom, and all she has said is" It’s not your problem it’s mine" however I’m the only person in our house she’s ignoring and not talking to. She is also avoiding me at all costs. I tried helping her bring in groceries, before I really knew she was pissed and she she got in the car and left! Literally drove away so I couldnt be near her!!! I dont know what is going on. I asked my Dad if she’s complained to him, and he says no she’s fine to him but he sees that she’s being "weird" to me. So what do I do?!
Post # 5
Still need some advice bees please!
Post # 6
Wow it’s tough to say go talk to her, if she literally drives away from you. And maybe whatever is going on, is more about her. ( I’ve known some MOBs who needed meds for their kids’ weddings.) Are you sure it’s stemming from someone at the party saying something? Maybe she’s having issues trying to adjust that your life is starting a huge new chapter.
Well I’d say, you have to try a different avenue. Either let her cool down for a few days, then approach her. Or ask your dad to talk to her to get her to open up. Perhaps you can write her a letter. She might be more likely to read it, than listen to you. And with letters, you can get really organized, rather than talking off the cuff, and missing a point you wanted to make.
Can you think of anything you might have said that could be misconstrued? How has planning been going with her? You still have a year to go. But have you been shopping, for example, and bickering about what she’s going to wear, or how much your dress costs? Are your parents paying for the wedding, and you’ve been fighting over XYZ? Guest list issues? Are you moving in with your FI and she disapproves? Moving away after the wedding? (You don’t have to answer. Just trying to get you thinking.) Good luck. Keep us posted.
Post # 7
There is one thing I can think of, and that was that we were talking about doing a destination wedding in the bahamas or caymans, but with money issues right now, I know my parents would feel like they wouldnt be able to do it, even though I’ve tried telling them it’s ridiculously cheaper than anything we’ve found near us.
She made a comment last night about how it sucks hearing things from a 3rd person, and all I can think is that in talking about my SIL(that I CANT STAND) to someone else, they took it as meaning my mom, and it got repeated.
The only reason I’m pretty sure it was at the party was because she was fine when I was there, I didnt see her before she went to bed that night, and the next morning the ‘tude was on!