- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I’m not sure if I’m posting in the right category, but here goes nothing. Ever since I got engaged, my mom has been very happy. I understand this, and as FI’s family is very quiet about about it all (i.e we’ll be excited on the big day) it feels nice to have a family member to talk to about it.
The thing is, even though we are enjoying the engagement phase, we’re still kind of looking at little things that might be nice and tossing ideas back and forth. Nothing permament in mind yet though, because there’s big plans this year like schooling, loans and a working car. But my mom takes the phrase ” tossing ideas” and thinks it means ” full on planning”.
This dissapoints me because I don’t know how to deal with it. I am on a limited budget but not so limited that I cannot plan a small, tasteful wedding. She called me today and said she wanted to buy the cake cutting knife, the glasses (which Fiance and I wanted to pick out), the guest book, cake topper (FI and I have a special plan for that), and she wants to have bridesmaids, groomsmen, a flowergirl and a ring bearer. I do not understand this, and tried to make her see that as I have only 1 female friend, I would just like to have her as my maid of honor and skip the bridesmaids. Fiance feels the same about groomsmen, he said he wants his best bud to just be his best man. Also, my cousin is having a wedding where no one under 18 is allowed, shouldn’t I be allowed the same? All the children that would be invited would be 11, 9, 8, 6, 5, 4, 3 and 2 and that makes me extremely nervous.
Fiance knows young children make me nervous, worrisome and tend to bring out the very worst in me. I do not not want to have a full nervous break down on my wedding day because a toddler crashed into something, nerf darts wound up in the cake or lose it on one of my relations simply because their child was understandably tired/cranky. I gently told her that it was up to Fiance and I as to whether or not we decided to invite children, and she said ” well you can’t NOT invite them!” 🙁
She’s also pressuring me HUGELY over something as asinine as favors. It isn’t until 2013, I’m more concerned about getting my school books and w-2 than FAVORS. I actually had to make up a bunch of excuses about how I had a ton of stuff to do so that I could stop talking about it because it was making my head spin. She wants to buy tablecloths, pick out favor designs, napkins, vases, ect.
Also since the second she found out we were engaged she’s wanted to pay for our honeymoon. I asked her to where and she said because she knows we like animated movies, she wanted to buy us park passes to Disney World, since we both haven’t been since we were little. Now this is an extremely sweet gesture and very generous, but neither of us fancy crowds, the heat, or children all that much. So Disney wouldn’t be ideal and I asked her if perhaps she would mind saving that money but she says a married couple HAS to have a honeymoon. I suggested perhaps letting us stay at her vacation cabin like she always lets us do, but she doesn’t want to because she says we should go somewhere exotic. I can’t talk any sense into her about it, it’s where she thinks we should go.
Fiance is also dreading going to do the dinner they’re having for us, just the parents and us because, like i said, we haven’t really planned anything out and he’s a very “take it as it goes” kind of guy. My mother is a “plan it out to the last comma” person. I’m kind of nervous about it too. She wants to plan the whole thing, as she says, “with or without his involvement because guys don’t really care anyway” I want my guy’s involvement though, our relationship is based on utmost honesty. 🙁
I just want to cry, because I’m going on a trip with her in 2 weeks that was supposed to be for relaxation but now I feel like I won’t be getting away from anything.I know she means well, but I’m feeling overwhelmed. I want to nip this in the bud before it gets bad but I don’t know how without risking a huge blow up.
Has anyone dealt with this before?