Post # 1
Hi everyone. My daughter is getting married in December. Groom and bride are paying for most of the wedding, although both sets of parents are helping out with some things. They are getting married in his church, which is Baptist. My daughter is Greek orthodox. They pretty much agree on everything with the planning except one thing. The groom wants only wine at the reception, my daughter wants wine and one or two choices of bottled beer. No open bar, no mixed drinks. Cost is not an issue. Initially the groom had no problem with having alcohol at the reception. When they met with the pastor of the church for their first pre-wedding counseling session, the pastor made reference to no alcohol at the wedding reception and told them he was sure they would make the right decision. That was when the groom did a turn about with regards to serving any alcohol. My daughter feels it should not be the pastor influencing the choice to have alcohol.
Groom won’t budge now. Both families drink, (not to excess or sloppy drunk) including the bride and groom. My daughter is worried that the reception will be dry and boring and that not everyone likes wine. Groom thinks wine alone is fine. It is really stressing my daughter out, which is stressing me out because this should be a fun and exciting time for her. Any suggestions and/or ideas would be greatly appreciated. I plan on showing them this post hoping it might help.
Post # 3
I think you should leave the decision up to your daughter and her fiance to decide and workout between the two of them.
I personally don’t see how wine is different than beer, in the Baptist faith… but, obviously it is in your FSIL mind.
Post # 4
Will the reception be on church property?
Post # 5
@PaperCrane: no. It is at a fire hall.
Post # 6
I don’t really see how the groom thinks just having wine makes it any better?? If they are having the reception at the church and it’s against their rules than that solves that problem.
Post # 7
I think that if your daughter wants to have wine and beer at the wedding he groom should at least listen to her. The pastor’s opinion doesn’t matter…
I would tell her though about the dry wedding, people are not coming to her wedding to drink. They are coming to celebrate the union of the bride and groom. I don’t think no alchohol=boring. Are they planning on doing a champagne toast???
Post # 8
Well I think the choice to serve alcohol at a wedding is theirs to make, but serving alcohol is still serving alcohol – even if it is just wine. Many people choose to limit the bar for a variety of reasons, but typically both beer and wine are served to allow for selection for the guests. Not everyone likes wine, and not everyone likes beer, so it is nice to offer both as a compromise.
On the other hand, many couples choose to have a dry reception. There have been many brides here on weddingbee who have done this and it was successful. Just because you are not serving alcohol does not mean people cannot have a good time.
It is up to the bride and groom ultimately, but most people like to consider their guests, budget, and personal beliefs when choosing what beverages to have available. Tell your daughter not to stress! The wedding will be wonderful no matter what drink(s) are served.
Post # 9
I think the bride and groom should have what they want and it’s odd a pastor is also a wedding planner 🙂 Your daughter is going to have to work it out with her husband and they both need to agree. Stay out of it as much as possible, one thing I’ve always hated about my in-laws is they meddle in our issues instead of letting us work (okay, sometimes battle) it out 😀
Post # 10
@divergirl:no champange toast. Wine toast. about 100 guests are expected. She is even willing to have one kind of bottled beer. She asked for about 4 cases and when it’s done it’s done.
I tried to help and offered to have an after party here at our home. Groom was ok with that. Bride wants to know why it’s ok to come back to the house and drink , but not ok for drinking at the reception, in a fire hall. It is ultimately up to them. I am just searching for some ideas or some insight to offer my daughter.
Post # 11
If the groom didn’t drink and neither did his family, I could understand wanting a dry reception. But the fact that alcohol will be served, means that any kind of alcohol should be fine. Personally, I have some guests that would be upset if I only served wine and not beer along with it. A lot of people don’t like wine and I think you’d be doing a disservice to your guests by not offering beer.
Post # 12
A friend of mine just went to a wedding in France. They only served wine. My friend’s husband hates wine and didn’t drink during the reception. This wedding was several month ago, and my friend’s husband is STILL talking about how he couldn’t even get a beer at the wedding. Just another perspective.
As for the pastor… I don’t think his thoughts on this matter are relevant.
Post # 13
a wedding without alcohol?! i know alot of people do it but for me that is not an option. i don’t think that the pastor should any say in it? i voted for let her do what she wants but now that im thinking about it isnt a part of marriage compromise? if she wants beer and wine and he isnt to thrilled about either why not just do the wine? a couple glasses would be enough for me 😉
Post # 14
The pastor’s opinion should not be a deciding factor. Every person is entitled to their own way to live, and the pastor should not be able to dictate that. I think beer and wine being served is really the bare minimum of what should be there, and is completely reasonable. If people are religious and don’t want to drink, they don’t have to. But it certainly isn’t as though alcohol turns the rest of us into blithering sinners. I think it’ll be fine!
Post # 15
@mobgreek: I personally think that it was wrong for the paster to try and add his imput, yes his opinion maybe valuable, but its all up to the bride and groom themeseleves to make their own decision.
Post # 16
@totheislnds: he wants wine only. She wants wine and beer. They both drink wine and they both drink beer. I would think the compromise is for them each to at least be able to pick one of what they want. If he wants wine and she wants beer, isn’t that an acceptable compromise?