Post # 1
I’ve been trying to not be a bridezilla and bother my fiance about all the things his mother has been doing. This one is just bugging me a lot and I was hoping for some advice. My family is huge and I’ve had to cut down my side substantially to get it to a smaller number. His family is a lot smaller so he didn’t have to exclude anyone. His mother is upset that his family has 15 less people than my side and is trying to fill the gaps with people we don’t know.
To the worst part: She called up family members she wanted to come. While she was getting their addresses she told them that my fiance and I expected them to be there and asked her to get information! Now we don’t know what to do or say to these people that we weren’t planning on inviting. She justified her actions by saying that they came to his High School Graduation Party (which was 7 years ago)!
We’re sending the save the dates in a week and we’re afraid the “invited” guests are going to be expecting them. Some of the people are sons and daughters of people we were inviting (like Great Aunts and Uncles), so they’ll know when others start receiving them. How should we move forward with this?
Post # 3
Wait, she started invtiing them before you even sent out save the dates? Well, easy then. Don’t send them save the dates OR invites. If you Fiance feels as strongly as you, then he needs to talk to his mother and make your guy’s feelings known on the issue, especially if you are paying for these extra 15 people to be there.
My Mother-In-Law created a huge list. We smiled and took the list home and then cut 90% of them as well as the ones that had no addresses provided for us. She never found out nor did she care at the end of the day who wasn’t there.
Post # 4
She created this mess but I would not trust her to set it right. Have your FH call them and explain that there was some mis-communication and you are at your venues capacity and can not accommodate additional guests. It is going to be uncomfortable but you need to let them know. Make sure your FH tells her that she does not get to invite people.
Post # 5
@megz06: —> THIS
No need to do anything at this point in time.
Just don’t send anyone you don’t want there a Save The Date or an Invite
No one is officially invited until they have an Invite in hand anyhow
(so no real need to apologize to anyone she’s invited… because she’s the one who has mispoke, and will ultimately be the one who looks foolish in the end)
If this whole mess continues to blow up… then YES you will have to take action / handle it.
But for now nothing THE TWO OF YOU need to do
That said, your Groom needs to have a chat with Mom and tell her she is out of line, inviting folks verbally or otherwise … that is NOT HER JOB
Her job is to give you guys a list… and YOU TWO TOGETHER determine how to divide up the Invitations based on what you can afford to do for a Wedding
Hope this helps,
By The Way… Curious what the break down finanacially is… who is paying what for your Wedding. Is it all coming from you two… or do the families each have money in the pot etc.
Post # 6
@This Time Round:
Right now my Father is paying for half the wedding and we’re paying for the other half. His parents are paying for the Rehersal Dinner only (she’s invited about 25 extra people to that, but that’s on them). They offered to pay for flowers, but I’m not having any. I’m trying to get them to pay for alcohol instead, because my family doesn’t drink and his family is full of heavy drinkers. No luck so far. -_-
Thank you for the other advice everyone! My fiance is going to talk to her tonight. Our wedding list has already blown out of proportion enough!
Post # 7
TO @labcrafts: Thanks for the UPDATE (Reply # 5)
Well then she has technically… NO “hat in the ring”…
As this is a traditional format Wedding when it comes to Finances…
And having money in the Rehearsal Dinner pot doesn’t count in such a scenario
As the old saying goes…
“He who pays… gets the say”
Your Groom needs to have a chat with Mom and tell her to knock it off… as not only is she being a PAIN she is making a fool of herself in front of the future “other side” of the family with her shenanigans
Hope this helps,
PS… (( HUGS )) as I figure you need em NOW (and the remaining 7 months to go)
Post # 8
@This Time Round: I agree with this: “no real need to apologize to anyone she’s invited… because she’s the one who has mispoke, and will ultimately be the one who looks foolish in the end.”
Have your fiance talk to her so maybe things will go more smoothly going forward. But I would just send STD’s to those you WANT there, and not who your Future Mother-In-Law has already invited. Plus, I just read she isn’t even paying for anything, so she gets no say.