(Closed) Mother of the Bride – How to deal and need to vent…

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Assign a handler. Seriously. Your dad, your maid of honor, a sibling, etc. They might not be able to do too much at this point but when you’re actually together in the days leading up, they can hopefully run interference for you and deal with the insanity. 

Post # 4
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

OMG i totally understand – my mom is stressing me out too – she calls every 30 minutes with little minutia questions like “have you figured out if you want cocktail napkins at the coctail hour that are personalized?” or “what kind of frame do you want for the bridal portrait”

mind you i really could care less after all the planning i have done, but she keeps stressing me out- i feel like yelling at her “STOP CALLING ME WITH THIS MUNDANE CRAP! I DONT CARE. and while you are at it FIND YOUR OWN DRESS STOP WORRING ABOUT MY STUFF!!!” she hasnt done ANYTHING on her “to do” list but keeps worring about mine.

i tried having a handler thru my MOH (who is also my sister) but shes just as “chicken little” as my mom so now i have TWO insane people… *sigh* September cant come fast enough.

its bad enough im screening my mom’s calls.

Post # 5
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Agree with CorgieTales.  Look on the bright side — this stuff is very superficial. Her comment about an adult was absentmindedly rude (not malicious probably but certainly insulting), but otherwise, let her go. If she wants to stress herself out over the weather, that’s her problem. My mom tried to tell me that no bride ever in the history of the world would ever dream of walking down the aisle alone — she knows, she reads the wedding announcements in the local (small town) paper. Uh, huh. Good luck in these last few weeks; you are getting so close!

@spangaya: I’m a call screener, too! I don’t think I’ve actually answered a phone call from my mom in four years — straight to voicemail!

Post # 6
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d just thank her for her concern but promise her nothing. Just vaugely say “Okay we’ll play it by ear” or “Well that’s something to think about” just to get thru the next two weeks.

Then make sure your vendors know the deal and what YOU want so things run smoothly on the day of (and they know not to listen to your mom but to direct her back to you).

Post # 7
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m sorry I have to smile at the “maybe you should take an adult” comment.  It just makes me think she still sees you as her little girl and not the women you have grown into.  Maybe she just wants you to think of her as useful, and that by her calling with random concerns about the planning maybe you’ll see that you need her.  I would just tell her that while you love that she wants the day as perfect as you do, that sometimes her concerns cause you added stress.  Try to let her know about your back up plans and if some details might send her into a chilcken little spin dive just don’t tell her about them.  Take her shopping and find her a dress and keep her focused on the big picture and not the small details.  Good luck!!!!

Post # 8
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

Hi there 🙂

You sound pretty organised and it is clear that you have everything covered.  Perhaps because your mum has not been through every stage with you to know it is under control, she is just worried.  It is clear by the things she’s concerned about that she is as keen as you for things to go well….even perfect. It is afterall her girl getting married.  Maybe you should indulge her a bit and just say yes, mum of course mum, or even, now that’s a good idea mum!  That way she know your are listening to her worries.  I agree with DaisyLynn, why dont just the 2 of you go for a nice lunch or something and then you run her through the arrangements.  That why she can see that everything is covered and you have though her important enough to include.

Good luck 🙂

 

 

Post # 9
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@sditch99: Wow, I’m so glad that I’m not the only one! Although, I don’t wish this on anyone. We are 3 months away from the wedding and everyday my mom has something new to stress over and concern me about. Shouldn’t we be the ones who are stressed?!?! It got so bad I had to stop calling her for a few days (we talk everyday).

Anyway I feel your pain and notice what helps is to delegate tasks to them to keep them occupied. Moms really just want their daughters’ big day to be perfect and tend to overstep/overreact in doing so. Maybe if you just talk to her and thank her for her concern but there is nothing to be done about the weather and it’ll all be okay. I have one of my BMs running interference on her the day of my wedding because she (my mom) is the only one who will stress me out and that day I just want to have fun! Best of luck with your momzilla! Just 2 more weeks and hopefully it’ll all be over 🙂

Post # 10
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My mom did the exact same thing in the month prior to our wedding.  She was a total stressball, and it started stressing ME out, too!  I took it upon myself to keep her out of the loop on a lot of the details, and became over-the-top organized to battle her ridiculous questions.  I had a friend who was a wedding coordinator act as my DOC, and that took most of the last-minute pressure off of my mom. Once she realized someone else was in charge (because in her mind I couldn’t handle everything, especially not in the last week) she was able to relax a little bit.

My suggestion, keep her on a strictly need-to-know basis and appoint someone your DOC that your mom trusts.  But keep her out of the details, because you REALLY don’t want her to be stressing this bad on the day of the wedding!

Post # 11
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I feel your pain already! It wan’t but a DAY that I had announced our engagement that my mom started telling me all of the stuff I had to get done, sending me emails on bridesmaid dresses (which we can’t pick for several months anyway…), asking me about the colors, venue date. I told her my current thoughts (all 12 hours I had to think) and she went and announced them to all of her friends as if they were actually nailed down, concrete plans! I ended up pushing my wedding back from April 2011 to Sept 2011 because I couldn’t handle the urgent “you’re not being responsible and getting things done” phone calls that started 12 hours after I was engaged!

I’m hiring a coordinator and having her run interferance. I just can’t handle her. My fiance also came up with an idea for the day of… make sure everyone we invite knows they have to talk to her for a while during the wedding (thank her, comment on her dress etc) so that she doesn’t come to me and complain about the food/decor/venue/dj not being up to her standard….It’s so bad to have to deal with this already!

I feel your pain! Hang in there! Throw in a lot of “uh huhs” and “I see your point” but try to find someone to interfere if you can!!

Best of luck!

Post # 12
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

My mom is making me crazy too.  I can’t tell you how many calls I’ve gotten regarding what she’s going to wear to the bridal shower this weekend and what she should do for her hair – and it goes on and on and on.

I was thinking about your very question on the drive to work this morning.  I really honestly believe it takes an attitude adjustment from myself.  And, here’s why.

We aren’t going to change our mom’s.  They will worry and stress about everything.

Like you – I’ve done everything – mom has wanted to help – but even with things I suggest, she freaks out about it and says she can’t do it. 

But- my point is – I think you just need to brace yourself for the stress.  Know going into it, that she’s going to be fretting about things (or questioning your decisions) – and just reassure her and try your best to not let it get to you.

It sounds like you need to help your mom into respecting your adult decisions (since she’s still treating you as if you can’t make decisions) – and, just politely but firmly telling her the plans and acknowledging her input may be the best way to accomplish that.

Post # 13
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Tell her to go talk to Mother Nature and pray for good weather.  I think she is just being nervous – but it is important that it doesn’t wear on you during the last two weeks.  Time to metnion something subtle.

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