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Mother of the Groom Dress

posted 2 years ago in Family
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    1.
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    Worker bee
    jrl03    June 11, 2010   Los Angeles, CA

    My mom recently bought a black dress for my brother's wedding and she really loves it.  However, when she mentioned it to my brother, he and his fiance were upset because "black is for a funeral". Now my mom is upset and stressed about finding a new dress because she has a very hard time finding ones that she likes and look good. 

    To give a little background, my mom originally asked his fiance if there was any color she should/shouldn't wear and her response was "anything but red", and "it didn't really matter because she wouldn't be in that many pictures anyway."   Also, this dress is really not one you would wear for a funeral.  It's a cocktail dress. 

    So I want to know if you think black really is inappropriate for the mother of the groom and she should find a new dress, or if it's fine and she should wear what she bought?

    Thanks for your help!

     
    2.
    436 posts
    Helper bee
    lynnabby       northeast

    I don't really like black for a wedding but that is a personal preference.  I don't think there is anything wrong with wearing a black cocktail dress if that is what she wants.  I'm sure no one will confuse it with a dress that would be worn to a funeral.

     
    3.
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    Bumble bee
    JustlikeHeaven    March 6, 2009  

    I think it depends on the person. She should have been a little more specific with your mom!

     

     

     
    4.
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    Helper bee
    lrwedd    September 4, 2010  

    I'm doing black and white, so black would be fine with me.....but if the FI-FI says no, then the answer is no.

     
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    Blushing bee
    FrugalistaBride2011    August 20, 2011   Wisconsin

    That's really weird, if they didn't want her to wear black they should've said so.  I mean my FMIL asked me what she should wear and I told her to wear black.  Also, I have a slight problem with the "it didn't really matter because she wouldn't be in that many pictures anyway" comment I mean, seriously? Who would even think of saying something like that to someone..."oh it doesn't matter what you wear since you're not worthy of being in the pictures" maybe that's just a personal problem with me.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    bloodgo1    May 14, 2010   Royal Oak

    yeah that's crappy. my FMIL asked me and i said whatever she wants. i think it is so weird that there are all of these guidelines with what the moms wear.. i mean the main rule is don't wear white, right?? other than that, why does anyone care? black i think is always a classy route - plus as i have found out people love it because it is most figure flattering if that is an issue as well.

     
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    Bee Keeper
    artbee    February 28, 2010  

    personally i don't like black for weddings, but it doesn't matter what i like, it's about what the bride and groom like. and if they're unhappy about it i'd just go get another dress.

     
    8.
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    Helper bee
    amac25    03/20/2010   Chattanooga, TN

    I told mine to either wear black or slate blue and since slate blue is hard to find, she'll probably wear black.  My bridesmaids are in black chiffon, my mom is in black lace, and my step-mom is in a beaded black jacket.  Nothing funeraly, just classic.

    That being said, one of my bridesmaids tried to go rogue on my this week and incorporated the wrong shade of blue into her dress without talking to me first and I about started crying.  So your mom might wanna go along with what your FSIL is saying because she's probably stressed out and needs a break not an arguement.

     
    9.
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    Blushing bee
    FutureMrsBaird    June 25, 2010   TX

    I definitely don't think she should be upset. She should have specified.

    Black to me says sophisticated. Now, if it were a dress that were up to her neck, long sleeved and down to her ankles it might be a little much and funeral-y. But I think a black cocktail dress is great.

    BUT regardless apparently she is upset, so if it is a problem, I would find another dress just to keep the peace and appease the bride on her wedding day. Maybe look for something that goes along with their colors?

     
    10.
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    Sugar bee
    clarebee    August 21, 2010   Vienna, VA (wedding in Greensboro, GA)

    I dont understand why people think black is inappropriate for a weddding. I have always thought that a LBD is a perfect thing to wear to a wedding! I would say if your mom is able to return the dress and get a full refund then fine, but if not then have her wear the dress - it will not be the end of the world!

     
    11.
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    Bee Keeper
    PrncssDva    October 16, 2010   Memphis, TN

    I don't really like black for a wedding, but they shuld have been more specific when it was asked.

     
    12.
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    252 posts
    Helper bee
    hopewell    July 31, 2010   Baltimore, Maryland

    I really hate black dresses at a wedding, so I see where they're coming from.  Maybe they assumed that she wouldn't choose black or white, so just said "no red" since that would be traditionally an okay color?  They should have specified, and "it doesn't matter" is really rude, but she should switch to a color.  But a black cocktail dress always comes in handy!

     
    13.
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    Newbee
    Miss Mika    March 20, 2010   Atlanta, GA

    I dont think wearing a black cocktail dress should be an issue, espcecially if its an after five wedding.

    A lot of my girlfriend are wearing blakc to my 7:30 wedding in march.  My girifriends mother in law wore black to her wedding and looked amazing!

    Tell mom not to worry about it.

     
    14.
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    407 posts
    Helper bee
    FMILady    June 6, 2010   Texas

    I would not wear black for a wedding- although it is slimming and in some cases sexy... the color black is too laden with symbolism to wear to a wedding.  It would be worth the extra effort to find a nice dress in a deep marine or hunter green shade, which will have no one wondering about the color choices. 

     
    15.
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    295 posts
    Helper bee
    angela2011bride    March 19, 2011  

    MY FMIL is wearing black, because it's one of my colors.  I don't think there is anyhting wrong with black.  it's fine...

    but, if the bride is gonna be pissed, it's not worth it.

     
    16.
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    94 posts
    Worker bee
    jrl03    June 11, 2010   Los Angeles, CA

    Thanks for everyone's input.  My mom decided to get a different dress because she doesn't want to cause tension, but is bummed that they weren't more clear about it up front.

     
    17.
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    Bumble bee
    verosara    March 27, 2010   LA, California

    I personally don't see anything wrong with black dresses, but if they've already made an ick face about the black, then it would be best to buy another dress...BUT I would make sure to mention that their lack of communication (since they weren't specific about the color), was very inconvenient. 

    And I second that picture comment...how rude! 

     
    18.
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    252 posts
    Helper bee
    nicole61183    9.18.10   Ann Arbor, MI

    I think black is classy and if she loves the dress then why should anyone care what color her dress is?  Maybe Im too laid back.  I told my mom to wear whatever color she wanted, except red.  I dont care what color other people would wear.

     
    19.
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    Busy bee
    Bella Luna    September 5, 2010   Ohio

    First of all, I think black at weddings is fine. My BMs are wearing black! Secondly, your brother's FI should have been more specific with your mom other than just saying 'no red' - your mom took that at face value, found something she likes and looks good, and that's what she should wear. Your brother's FI should suck it up and get over it. This is exactly why I told my FMIL what color my mom's dress is, what color the girls are wearing so she avoids those 2 colors, and I told her she can pretty much wear any other color she'd like as long as I see it before she buys it just to make sure everything jives. Too late for your brother and his FI - she needs to just live and learn.

    Bella

     
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    Blushing bee
    cupcake26    October 30, 2010   NC

    black can be classy for weddings, but if the bride is against it, i wouldn't go for it.

    when FMIL asked me, i made the mistake of saying, well, as long as it isnt white or brown, it should be fine...

    she picked the closest color to white that isnt white you could find.... Yell

     
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    Newbee
    LoveWedding    October 30, 2010   MI

    Tough situation. I think the FMIL (your mom) should get to wear what she feels comfortable in- as long as it is not white and doesn't call crazy attention to herself. Black is classic- it is not only for funerals! The tough part is that it sounds like your FSIL is having a bridezilla moment. So it is really up to your mom to decide if this is an argument worth having.

    Was your brother actually upset or was he just supporting his FI? Not that you want to put your brother in the middle of it, but is there a way someone could calmly tell him that your mom feels comfortable in this dress and that she will look for a dress in a different color if that is what will make everyone happy, but that she would prefer to wear this simple black dress because it makes her feel good about herself? Is this FSIL treating her mother the same with her color demands?

     

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