Post # 1
So my FMIL might be going through a mid-life crisis, the wedding is in may of 2013 (about 6 months away) and she randomly texted me in October saying she had already bought a dress. First of all what??!?! Don’t know why she randomly did that without letting me or my mom know (isn’t the MOB supposed to buy first?) anyways, she sent me a picture of a nice, mature looking dress.
Looks nice right? A good color too that will match our light gray/blush pink wedding colors. SO I was fine with it. Next time we see her is Thanksgiving. She tells me that the dress that came in (the one above) looked frumpy on her and made her look old. So she exchanged it for another one and is waiting for it to come in. This is the ‘new’ dress:
The dress is very pretty, but the length seems way inappropriate for a mother of the groom who is in her late 40s? Or is it just me? I think it looks way too young. Not sure how to address this sensitive issue. Now that my Mom knows that this is the dress that the mother of the groom has purchased, she is very worried about looking frumpy compared to her and how they will all match–my Mom is very body-conscious and this is just adding to that issue 🙁
help! any advice? am I crazy?
Post # 3
Sorry but I totally think you’re overreacting. That model is probably 6′ tall and the dress is right above her knees. I understand your mother being self conscious, but that doesn’t mean his mother has to wear a mumu she isn’t comfortable in. Plus, I don’t think it matters at all which mother picks their dress first. Never heard of that one!
ETA: late 40’s also isn’t that old. My parents are early 50’s and I don’t think of them as old yet.
Post # 4
@kaylab22: I agree with PP. I think you’re overreacting as well. The second dress she picked out is beautiful, and if she likes it and feels comfortable in it she should be able to wear it. No offense but you do have to consider that pretty much NO ONE pays attention to what the MOB, let alone the MOG wears. Also, there is no rule about who should buy their dress first.
Post # 5
It’s a lace sheath dress. The model is likely 5’9″ or more so the dress will likely be longer on your FMIL.
It is probably also clamped in the back to make it look sexier.
Post # 6
I think it is really hard to tell though that picture. Since it is on a young, tall model with legs twice the length of mine, it does look a little inappropriate for someone older. But I can think of plenty of middle-aged women that would make that just look classy and it would be beautiful. I think it would be a sticky situation to tell her you don’t like a dress or you think it is too “young.”
Post # 7
The MOB/MOG are supposed to coordinate their dresses so they wear similar lengths, correct? I know my Mom will be wearing a dress that is tea length or slightly shorter. FMIL is about 5’7 and will be wearing heels, but I know the model is very tall and the dress looks shorter on her…
Also FYI: “It’s customary for the mother of the bride to purchase her dress first. Her choice is meant to subtly dictate what the mother of the groom will wear and set the tone of the attire.”
Read more: Mother of the Groom: Finding Your Dress Q&ATheKnot.com – http://wedding.theknot.com/bridal-fashion/bridesmaid-dresses/articles/mother-of-the-groom-attire.aspx#ixzz2F9bwoEXq
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church
I don’t understand why people get to have a say in the MOB and MOG’s dresses. They’ve been dressing themselves for far longer than you’ve been alive and they can probably find something they like on their own. I think that dress would look fine on a 40-some year old woman. Your mother doesn’t need to feel like she’s competing with his mother. Honestly, how many weddings have you been to where you scrutinize the attire the MOB and MOG chose in respect the other (before being engaged)? Tell your mother she can wear anything she’s comforable in and that she feels is appropriate for the event and she doesn’t need to worry about his mother’s choice in attire. And as PP have said, unless his mother’s a tall woman, that dress will probably be longer on her than on the model.
Post # 9
The mothers CAN coordinate, but they certainly don’t need to. If your FMIL wants to wear that dress, I see no reason why she shouldn’t.
Post # 10
@kaylab22: sorry but I don’t buy into those “rules.” Each mother should wear something she feel good in and it does not matter if they match. in my brothers wedding, my mom wore a black tea length dress and sil’s mom wore a long purple dress. They really didn’t go and nobody gave a rats ass. pick your battles–this is not one I would choose.
Post # 11
@BlondeMissMolly: Wasn’t trying to start an arguement, just going based off of what I have read regarding this kind of thing. Not trying to be a control freak about what she wears, just wasn’t sure..
Post # 12
I guess I’m in the minority here but I agree with you on that dress being inappropriate for the MOG. Hasn’t anyone seen “What not to wear”? If she is in her late 40s she should not be wearing such a short hemline.
Post # 13
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
The dress IS too short, but your FMIL decided against the 1st dress on her own, she’ll do the same with the 2nd dress if it doesn’t fit correctly or appropriately when it comes in.
She is completely able to dress herself.
As for your mother maybe if she shops sooner rather than later, showing your FMIL what your mother is thinking of purchasing may change her mind on these dresses. If not your mother will not look “frumpy” in comparison, she will look approrpiate.
I wouldn’t spend too much time worrying about this, it’s certainly not worth offending your FMIL.
Post # 14
I’m sorry, but my mother is 5’2 and all of a size 2/4. She’d ROCK that dress even though she’s 64 (she looks like she’s in her early 50’s). I’d encourage my mom to wear that dress. She looks good, she ought to show it.
My FMIL is probably 3 or 4 inches taller than my mother and weighs twice as much. What will look good on my FMIL will be frumpy on my mom and vice versa. Every dress I’ve picked for my mother goes above her knees, but appropriately so. She’s got great legs (she’s also a runner).
I wish people would stop doing what these books say and just do what makes sense.
Post # 15
Since when do the mothers need the bride’s permission of what they will wear? The dress is fine, get over it.
Post # 16
i’m sure that it will be a bit longer on your fmil. i’m sure she wouldn’t choose one that is too short. why don’t you ask her to try it on for you to see it?
if your fmil looks good in this dress then i think she should wear it. i’m 45 and i would wear this dress.