(Closed) Mother of the Groom not inviting any of her family to the shower

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

Generally if a family member says something like that I assume it’s because they’re concerned about the behavior of the rest of the family and they’re trying to phrase it politely. I would trust her judgement on the matter, and maybe extend invitations to members of her family that you know and would like to invite.

Post # 5
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Does she have a daughter or has she been through planning a wedding before? She might just not be familiar with the etiquette. I wouldn’t take it personally. 

Post # 7
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I personally agree with her – I only wanted close friends and family at my shower.  But it certainly doesn’t have to be that way especially since you’ve met these people before. If you want them there then they should be invited.  Would telling her that you view her son’s familiy as your own and you were looking forward to celebrating with them possibly work?

Post # 8
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Not even you FI’s Aunts or anything? Any living grandmothers? This does seem strange to me. All of my FI’s aunts, female cousins, etc are invited. Maybe she’s trying to keep it intimate for you, but it’s kind of a bummer if these family members might be hurt by not being invited.

Post # 9
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

Eh, I wouldn’t worry about it…I am also of the belief that only close female friends and family of the bride are invited.  Here is what The Knot says:

“The guest list should include your closest female pals and relatives (and your fiance’s mom, sis, and other close female friends and family).”

What other females on your FI’s side would you like invited?  Do all the guests live locally?  If you already have their addresses (since any guests invited to the bridal shower should be invited to the wedding), you can just hand them over to whoever is hosting your bridal shower.

Post # 10
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you are close to women in FI’s family, then you need to put them on the list yourself. I understand it might feel weird that she didn’t give you any names, but the guest list is up to you. She’s actually right on this one… It’s about who YOU want there. I think she’s saying it’s your call and didn’t word it in a way you got.

If you want FI’s aunts, grandmothers, etc. there, you need to put them on the list. Just to give you some perspective… I am inviting way more people that I know, than my FI, to my showers. His mom and step mom and my FSIL, of course…maybe his mom’s sisters but not totally sure.

I will not be asking his mom to give me any names. I will only tell her who I am asking and ask if she thinks I’m missing anyone.  

Post # 11
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

I think she just might be confused about tradition and how showers work.  I would explain to her that it’s just not for the bride’s family and friends, its also for the groom’s.  You’re not marrying yourself, you’re marrying your FI and therefore will be a part of his family now. 

Maybe ask her (if you want this) if she’s not comfortable with asking her family to this particular event, if she’d like to have a separate shower with her family?  Sort of a “Welcome to the family” sort of shower.  Tell her that you want your FI’s family involved in the pre-wedding festivites as well and this is one way to go about that.  That’s what my MIL did, as she herself wasn’t comfortable with asking that side of the family to the other shower that had my family, friends and my parents friends there. 

Post # 13
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would just let it go. It is her family after all. If you’re super close with these people say “I was hoping to see x and x”, and if you’re not, not having them won’t hurt.

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