Post # 16
While, think for the sake of family relationships your mom should have handled this with a simple reminder or additional request she really shouldn’t have to.
FI should get in the habit of writing these things down for himself in the future and giving her an idea of when he might have the time. I think it’s probably the least he can do for someone who is providing him rent free housing and would show maturity and appreciation.
If he doesn’t want to feel any sort of sense of responsibility to anyone else, he can always move.
Post # 17
weddingmaven : She isn’t providing him rent free housing though, OP has stated he pays her mom money to live there.
Post # 18
zzar45 : The move was for financial reasons, but you’re right that he’s paying something toward the rent. I don’t think the main point is much different, though. He wasn’t able to support a rent payment on his own plus save as much as he is right now. She’s still doing him a favor.
Post # 19
I think your FI being willing to do chores for your mother is important and generous as she is doing both of you a favor but is she requesting things of YOU as well? Your mother is coming across as both controlling and needy. Your FI is not her husband or partner and it’s actually NOT his job to do tasks on her Honey Do List. Especially if she’s specifically making requests of him rather than both of you. It sounds like she’s specifically focusing on him with her requests and there’s something funky about that.
Also, why does it matter if he’s “apathetic” toward her? He doesn’t need to adore her, just be polite. He’s marrying YOU. Not her. Your mother sounds like she’s a little unclear on boundaries.
For the time being I think a notepad is a good idea (and I would put it someplace for HER to add things to it. If she’s going to make requests she should at least be able and willing to call it what it is.) and both you and your FI can work on the tasks on it. I would also speed up the timeline for a move before things come to a head.
Post # 20
Thank you all for your comments! Most of the time everything is fine living all together, we all get along and everything. I do appreciate her allowing us to live in her house as it does allow us the opportunity to save more money than we would be able to if we had our own place.
My mother has been a single mom for many years so I think it’s just that now that there’s a guy in the house, he can help do some of the little things that need fixing here and there. My fiancé doesn’t mind it’s just that he forgets. He doesn’t forget every little thing but he does forget some things and I agree he needs to work on that and come up with a system that works for him. My mom doesn’t know him like I do but she also needs to understand it’s not because he doesn’t want to, it just slips his mind.
Theres not really a set time frame of how long we will be there. Not years obviously, but the job market where we live is very depressing actually lol. I have a degree but do not work in the field I studied and do not have a very high paying job. My fiancé works for a great company but has to work his way up. But this is a whole other topic haha.
Thank you all for your opinions!
Post # 21
Honestly as an outsider looking in it sounds like mum is fed up with having him/you both living in her house and is being passive agressive in order to make the living environment uncomfortable so you move out.
Are you guys paying fair marketplace rent or is this token mum and dad rent? Is the rent you pay also enough to cover the bills like utilities? Who does the housework?
I think the majority of parents with children in your situation (depressed job market) would not want to be seen “throwing” their kid out on the street so to speak but maybe she is frustrated with the situation?
Post # 22
j_jaye : no we are paying mom and dad rent lol. It’s not $100 a month or something like that, but it isn’t as high as we would pay for our own place. She cleans the house and stuff but we do dishes and take the trash out sometimes. I don’t see the money I give my mom as “paying rent”, more like helping her with money because I am living there. For my fiancé it’s more like paying rent if that makes any sense lol.
I don’t think it’s because she’s fed up with us living there honestly. She’s made little comments here and there that when we get married we don’t have to move out immediately etc. it would be only her when we move out so i don’t think she wants us out because she’s fed up with us because she would have the house alone.