(Closed) mother trouble

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
46256 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your mother can only do to you what you allow her to.

“im not allowed to sleep over anywhere or go on holidays, she comes barging into my bedroom”

clearly you allow her to behave this way. What is stopping you, as a 26 yr old woman, from moving out of your parents’ home?


Post # 5
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@littleG: Are you moving in with your Fiance after the wedding?

If you are, it is only 2 more months before the wedding and then you can move out.

Are they paying for the wedding?

If not, I’d also say it’s time to just become an adult and fly the coop.

Also, Have you talked to your dad about this?

Post # 6
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@littleG:  That is ridiculous.  You’re a grown woman and should NOT tolerate this type of behavior.  Aren’t you planning to move out when you marry?  Couldn’t you just leave early?

Post # 7
4824 posts
Honey bee

So you appear to have two choices.

Live at home and be miserable with a poor relationship with your parents at best.

Move out and have a chance to be happy, have a social life and make your own decisions. You might lose that poor relationship you currently have with your parents or it could be better.

If you did lose that relationship, would that be horrible? Just because a person is blood doesnt mean they have to be in your life if they only bring you down. A friend or family member is supposed to support, love and make you a better person.

Post # 8
46256 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@littleG:  “Everything is my fault according to her – she thinks she can treat me like a piece of scum” 

how could moving out make your realtionship any worse? You said it yourself-they treat you like scum!

again, people can only do to you what you let them. You let them.

Post # 9
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@lefeymw: I agree.

Also, just because you are their daughter does not mean they can treat you like dirt. They do not own you.

Have you talked to your fiance about this?

You need to stand up to your parents and not let them treat you like this.

Post # 11
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@littleG: That is one tradition I would’ve nixed as soon as I was old enough to live on my own. Good luck holding out. After 26 years, what’s a few more months, right? But once you do move out, don’t tolerate this nonsense from your parents anymore. Cutting themselves out of your life sounds like a blessing, not punishment.

Post # 12
26 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

NO…its ok I feel the same way. When reading this I wondered to myself…”Did I write this?” lol. My mom does the samethings to me and for the wedding its getting worse. She’s already gave me the “Well I’m paying for it and it’s going to be like this.” speech. 🙁 maybe just think positive and remind yourself your a better person and you never want to treat people like that. Especially your own child.

Post # 15
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Aw im so sorry!! My dad was very controlling which caused me to move out. We have a better relationship now.

Post # 16
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@littleG:  My fiance went through this with his mother. She was a complete nightmare. If he was depressed she’d yell at him for it and tell him he had no reason to be sad… And my mom was very manic when I was growing up and she is still mean sometimes.

I think you hit the nail on the head though when you said that she resents that you’ve possibly had a better life than she did growing up. Fiance’s mom grew up in an extremely turbulent home and even though she promised to not be like that, she still can be really bad. I think her logic is that she’s a good mother because she never beat her kids, but screaming at your kids for hours every other week is no good either.

The point is, their inner child is hurting. Until they heal that part of themselves they will continue to hurt and probably lash out at themselves and others, you included. This is the part where you try your best to break the cycle because the fact is that you can decide to be happy in any situation. 

That’s funny though. I just noticed that you’re Italian. Fiance’s family is Italian too. 

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