(Closed) Mother versus Future FI?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
  • poll: Should my mother be allowed to see my engagement ring?
    Yes. If it is important to you that she be involved, your mother should be allowed to see. : (9 votes)
    11 %
    No. If it is against your SO's wishes, then she shouldn't see the ring, no matter the situation. : (71 votes)
    88 %
    Other (please explain!) : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9614 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    i think he wants everybody to be surprised, to see it for the first time after you get engaged πŸ™‚ the difference is, it was already designed, if your mother was involved in the designing process it would be the same thing, he doesn’t want anyone to see the completed ring until after it’s on your finger πŸ™‚ i don’t understand why you said to your mother that you could take her to see the ring before checking with your SO, as he said it is “his ring” until it’s on your finger

    Post # 4
    Member
    9614 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    your mum will be seeing it soon, she chose to avoid the process of creating so i am sure she can wait a little longer to see the completed product, and it is a lot different seeing something in a box as opposed to seeing it on your finger, and depending on the jeweller they may not allow your mother to see it without your SO since he is the one who has ordered it, etc

    Post # 5
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’m a firm believer that the ring is HIS gift TO you. Therefore until YOU have it, it’s his property and if he doesn’t want to show it, he shouldn’t have to. You can show it off all you like once it’s officially yours.

    Post # 7
    Member
    9614 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    @bigcitybee:  perhaps you can include her in the making of your wedding rings? πŸ™‚ 

    Post # 7
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    i would support my FIs wishes and not visit the ring – your mom is going to have to be patient and wait like anyone else

    btw, what are the chances that IF your mom saw the ring she put it on her finger – if your FI is protective about someone else seeing it im sure he wont like the idea of someone else wearing it before you as well

    Post # 9
    Member
    3063 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I also agree with your fiance that it IS “his ring” until it’s on your finger because ultimately he will be the one to initiate the engagement. It is unfortunate that your mother couldn’t attend the previous jewelry trips but at this point, it’s too late. The ring has been chosen and your fiance doesn’t want her to see it. Your mother can be involved in other ways throughout the wedding planning process.

    Post # 11
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @bigcitybee:  I don’t understand why something that is between you and FI needs to have your mom included. I’m all for family involvement but sometimes things are strictly couple related, like the rings…

     

    like include your mama in dress shopping.

    Post # 13
    Member
    9614 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    @bigcitybee:  i completely understand how you’re feeling about wanting your mum involved. it is really really important to me for my mum to be there with me when i first try on dresses, but i don’t think she would be comfortable going just yet with the wedding so far away, so i am going to wait a couple of years πŸ™‚

    Post # 15
    Member
    395 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Gotta agree with PP. The ring is HIS (as you said), and I agree with your FI that your mom should not be oogling it before the proposal. If I was him, I would think your mom seeing it would take away some of the specialness of YOU seeing it for the first time. Because you are so close, she’ll certainly tell you how wonderful it is, and it just seems like that would diminish the impact when it is finally presented to you — it’s not the same if someone in your family has already seen the finished product! You may not see things this way, but it sounds like your FI does, and I agree with him.

    Seeing the finished ring and helping in the design process are two completely different things. Frankly it is quite rude of you to be pressuring your FI about this at all. I think it’s very similar to you wheedling to see it yourself. If he wants to keep it a surprise then that is completely his right — and the fact that he wants it secret is romantic!

    You said you want a redo with your mom being involved, but as the ring is already made a redo simply is not possible. Involve her in other parts of the wedding process, but stop trying to push on this issue.

    The topic ‘Mother versus Future FI?’ is closed to new replies.

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