Mother Wanting to Use Photographer for her Own Personal Family Photos

posted 3 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 2
3584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

First of all, is she paying for the photographer, or are you?  I think it’s inappropriate for her to want this either way.  But if she’s paying, there’s not much you can do about it.  If you’re paying, tell her the photographer is there beause of your wedding, and she can schedule him for her family photo shoot at another time.

Post # 3
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

annemw333:  I dealt with this too a little. It’s weird right? Fammilies get all desperate when there’s formal clothing and a photographer and everyone’s under one roof. It really does make mommies happy though to have some nice professional photos. I would appease her and give a shot list to the photog and have him go through it quickly

My photos was like:

MOM AND BRIDE, line up please!!!





bam bam bam

worked out!

Post # 6
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

annemw333:  whoa whoa whoaaa… 3-5 minutes PER photo?!!! That seems like way too long. I am foreseeing a lot of awkward frozen smiles. Mine were like 45 seconds each! We were all standing close, maybe that expedited it.

When it comes down to it, the focus needs to be on YOU and your family. Unless your photographer can take the shots quicker (which he shold be able to, honestly), tell her tough cookies.

Post # 7
42089 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

annemw333:  Many families do use weddings as an opportunity to update family photographs, so she’s not alone in that idea.

If she only wants one of the two of them and one of the nieces, I don’t see that as a big deal and it certainly wouldn’t take hours  that don’t  involve your fiancé and yourself.<br />

Is there any chance you are bucking her on this because of the other issues between you that have nothing to do with the photos?

Post # 8
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sorry, I agree with your mom here.  Having a picture of just your parents on your wedding day seems pretty standard.  Especially if they are paying.  We had couples only pictures of all bridal party and immediate family and grandparents.

my photographer was really quick with formal portraits, and spent no longer than a minute on each one. The extra time is probably an estimate of tracking everyone down.

I would suggest a compromise – mom, the photographer only has time for (3) formals for you.  If you give him/her a list we can try to work those in.

Post # 9
3623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

annemw333:  We did this! My in-laws are very, very into photos, especially family/group photos. Here is how we solved it– the photographer would be at the church 30 minutes ahead of setting up (an hour before the cermony started) and she was there to do as many family photos as we could get in. We requested nice photos of each of DH’s siblings and their family’s and then whatever configurations they had time for. After the wedding was over, the only family photos would be the few on my list and all of them would have both DH and me in them. They got their photos and were so happy! They were on every Christmas card.  It also meant DH and all of his family was there on time, so it saved stress.  I didn’t have to sit through family photos, so I was super happy.

It also had no impact on me getting ready or needing the photographer– it was when I was in the limo going to the church and got all of my family photos in much quicker. Everyone raves about how I did it and it honestly did not cause me to sacrifice a single photo that I wanted. I get your point– it could be viewed as selfish to ask. I certainly viewed it that way at first. But when I viewed it as a huge gift that saved each of DH’s siblings hundreds of dollars (and future arguments with kids about having to get dressed up for another photo day). I honestly love the family photos– they are some of my favorite from the wedding.

Post # 10
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

annemw333:  This is EXACTLY what happened at my first wedding, except nobody asked me, they just asked the photographer (as she was a friend of the family). In the end my wedding shots were 1 to 5 of their family shots. The photographer only took ONE shot of me and my bridesmaids and it was slightly out of focus. I was pissed beyond belief.

Post # 11
588 posts
Busy bee

I actually thought your mom’s request was pretty normal – especially if the parents are paying. She’s right – you guys are all together and look nice – why waste the opportunity? You’ll get your wedding photos and they’ll also get some family photos (which in some cases are easier to frame and display – no issue of anyone being offended that only so-and-sos wedding photo is up).

Post # 12
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Pollywog:  +1

This is a great solution to something that’s really not that big of a deal. 

Post # 13
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

annemw333:  When someone is paying for a service, they want a certain type of service.  If you want full control, the solution is to pay for it yourselves.  Financial help wonderful, but it does come with strings.

Post # 14
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

annemw333: If you want the photography to be 100% about your vision / wishes and not include formal family (with you and your groom) then you need to pay for your photography yourself. 

Post # 15
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

annemw333: First of all, will the photographer even have time to do family photos that your mum wants? My guess would be no(s/he hasn’t accounted the time to do so) in which case, it will either cut into your bridal photo(which is totally not ok!) OR cut into your timeline(make your guests wait around even longer inbetween ceremony and recption. Personally I wouldn’t have either, so I would kindly tell her there’s no time for the photographer to take those photos. But maybe you could have formal photos the next or something(?) when all the out of town guests are still in town(hopefully)

Im having a similar issue, where I told my mum she had to have her hair and makeup done by 8:30, 8:45 at latest. But mum seems to think the photographer will just wait around for her to get ready(she’s not even starting hair and makeup until 8:30).

The main point Im getting at, its YOUR day, so therfore YOUR photos. I think on this one day of your life you can tell your mum to pull her head in. Once again, in my opinion. GOODLUCK!!

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