Mother's body image and wedding stress

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

I know what you mean because my mum was a bit the same, though maybe not so extreme. She was always worried about her figure when we were growing up. It didn’t help that my Dad was quite critical about the way we all looked. Now me and my sister have definitely inherited some of those issues. 

My mum was king of the same when it came to the wedding. She didn’t talk about weightloss that much, but was really really concerned about having a great outfit and hair etc. She, like, me was really worried about being judged by people there for not looking good enough and in the photos later. 

I’m not sure what to recommend except that she go to therapy.This helped my mum, my sister and me to gain confidence and self esteem. I don’t think this is something that can be helped by resoning with her or telling her she looks beauitful. It’s probably deeply ingrained in the way she thinks about herself. 

This is one thing I am so afraid about passing on these issues if I have a daughter in the future. I don’t want her to feel like she’s only worth something if she’s beautiful on the outside.  

Post # 5
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t take this guilt upon yourself. Your Mom’s issues are her own.

I suggest you tell your Mom that FMIL is asking about dress color and ask your Mom if she wants to phone FMIL herself , or if she would like you to tell FMIL she can go ahead and purchase any color she wants. Then just back off and drop the whole subject. Eventually your Mom will get a dress.

Post # 6
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@eilean:  I’m going through this with my mom.  She is by no means “fat” perhaps a size 12.  She hates the shape of her body and finds ANY imperfection in EVERY dress she puts on.  I say it looks beautiful, the saleswoman says it looks beautiful but she insists they look terrible.  It’s like watching someone with an eating disorder. What she sees in the mirror is not reality.  We’ve been to 6 different stores and tried on at least 40 dresses. I even bought her 5 dresses and brought them home so she could try them on in privacy and ended up returning them all. 

 

I actually had to tell her that I refuse to be involved any more.  She was passing her stress on to me.  I told her that I was done, gave her examples of the dresses I liked that she tried on, and told her to email me pics if she found something.  She’s a grown woman and she needs to put her big girl panties on.  She looked great in so many dresses.  I told her this.  Sales associates told her this.  My dad told her this.  I’m not adding her issues to my list of wedding to dos.  We all have things about our bodies that we don’t like.  NO MATTER WHAT, WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL THE WAY WE ARE.  Just remind yourself of this, remind your mom, but DON’T take on her stress. 

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