Post # 1
My mom has been dating her boyfriend for 2 years and their relationship didn’t begin under the best circumstances either.(He was still married when they “began”) So over the years it has taken a lot of work for me to be nice and respectful towards him. When inviting people for the wedding, we made SURE everyone knew we were only inviting people we were close with because we want an intimate wedding with the people we love there. Now, 12 days till the wedding, and my mom’s boyfriend tells her that he will BREAK up with her if I don’t invite his son & wife & kids to the wedding. I’ve only met his son twice and his wife once. I have nothing to do with them, I don’t know them & they are 15 years older then us so I will probably never have any sort of friendship or family relationship with him & his wife. I haven’t even invited half of my aunts and uncles because I don’t know them. AND its only 12 days before the wedding and I’m at the max of my wedding list, I don’t want a stranger at my wedding. What do I do to make him see that without him throwing a hissy fit and breaking up with my mom. (He also wants me to invite his best friend that I’ve never met in my life to the wedding)
Post # 3
I am so sorry you are going through this, but all I can say is that your mother should be dealing with him and not getting you involved. It is between the two of them if he threatens to break-up with her over something that she can’t control (your guest list). I hope your mother is a strong enough person to realize that he is being manipulative and controlling, any man that throws those types of ultimatums out there isn’t worth any more of her time in my opinion.
Post # 4
Sounds like he is an ass and just using this as an excuse to leave your mom. EIther way, I think it is your mom’s issue to deal with. He shouldn’t be giving that type of ultimatum to her nor should you be brought into the middle of it. Sorry you are having to deal with this – I say follow your heart and do what is best for you and your FH. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Wow, what an awkward situation to be stuck in! Maybe you can try to reiterate that it is a small, intimate wedding and you are maxed out of your guest list? Maybe emphasize (or embellish) the fact that you have reached the maximum limit of the reception venue, there haven’t been enough “no” rsvps, it would be a fire hazard to have more etc? Sorry you have to go through this, good luck and stand your ground!
Post # 6
Tell your mom that you don’t negotiate with emotional terrorists. This is not your problem.
Post # 7
I have to disagree about making your mother handle it. Being the MOB is incredibly stressful, just like being a bride is, plus she’s hardly likely to make a decision that will end up with his leaving her, so in order to make it all work she’s likely to try to accommodate all his ridiculous last-minute whims. Knowing that she has to either screw your plans or lose him is an awful position to be in, and you don’t want to put her there.
Just tell him no, absolutely not, and that he should think twice about using your mother so manipulatively. Tell your mom that if he breaks up with her over this that you’ll be there for her in her heartbreak. Push through this, help your mom hold herself together while this asshole jerks her around, and hopefully after the wedding everyone can sort things out.
Post # 8
Tell him yourself that this is a small intimate wedding with only the closest to you there. Tell him not even the aunts and uncles are invited. Try to be even toned and calm and your point will have more impact. He may be thinking your mom is just making excuses about why his family is not invited. This guy hass to be a real ass to do this to your mom.
Post # 9
He being unreasonable and perhaps it time your mom reconsider this relationship. Also waiting until 12 days before the wedding adding that much people could end up costing a lot depending on the per head cost not to mention if you have cap on the amount of people that fit into your venue.
Post # 10
I am echoing that this is NOT your problem. This guy sounds so high school it’s disgusting. I would tell your mother calmly and firmly that you are not changing your plans for obvious reasons and whatever goes on between the two of them after that is their business.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
I do not negotiate with terrorists!!!
That’s basically what this ammounts to, he’s making an ultimatum to a woman who ultimately doesn’t even have control. You need to tell your mom that he needs to grow up. This is YOUR wedding, not theirs, and you’re inviting who YOU want.
If this is seriously a big enough issue that he’s willing to ruin his relationship over it, it should have come up before now. Call his bluff.
Post # 12
Thanks for the advice guys. He texted me and attempted to make me feel guilty that I wasn’t allowing us to “become a family.” I told him that his son & wife & children were more then welcome to come to the dance but that he had to respect the fact that this is MY & my FH’s wedding, not his, to which he replied “OK” So now I just have to wait to see what the repercussions are towards my mom.
Post # 13
@julieette.eliza haha I love it I agree with that sentiment.
@brunnpaul he isn’t even technially married to your mom, I think you are being fair and I honestly would have little to no respect for someone who was so manipulative like that, the fact that he is in a relationship with your mom and is attempting to issue threats and “punishments” for things not even in her control speaks volumes about his lack of character.
Post # 14
What does your mom say? My mom’s boyfriend is the town drunk and a total loser. He is NOT invited to my wedding and they both know this. She keeps begging me to let him come, she even had the audacity to ask if he could sit next to her (where my dead father would have sat). I said if he got his shit together by October I would consider it but there is still a 99% he won’t be coming. Fiance’s family is verrrry catholic and I dont want this loser to show up and act like a fool. I feel for you and honeslty, it’s your day. Decide if them being there will create more or less drama in the end. I think that’s what is most important. I will be more bothered if he shows up rather then just ignoring that he is there, I cant do that. Good luck.
Post # 15
@juliette.eliza: i agree.
@brunnpaul: i think that is a good compromise. even though i don’t think you were obligated to do so. hopefully all is good. i would be concerned why your mom would stay with a man who made such ridiculous threats. this shows his true character and feelings towards your mother.
Post # 16
Ugh, please don’t give in, he is being ridiculous. I agree with PPs that he must have other reasons he wants to break up and is just using this as an easy out. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, it is so not fair of him to essentially use your wedding as blackmail!