Post # 1
So I am getting married a little later in life (will be 33 soon after we get married) and STILL dont feel ready to have a baby. We have only been in our house a year and havent gotten to settle in much because we have been so busy planning a wedding and working. At first we were thinking we would TTC right after the wedding but now I am not so sure. I am still kind of new to my job and would love to move up, we could be a little more financially stable (will feel better when our cars are paid off a year and a half from now) and would just like to have some time alone together.
But here is the thing…I feel INCREDIBLE pressure to start TTC now! ALL of my friends have kids and have been married for quite some time, FI is ready before I am, parents are so excited they are putting the pressure on and lets face it Im not getting any younger. I dont feel like pressure is the right reason to give in and have a kid but I am worried about parents not being around, me not being able to have as many kids as I would like (or any at all for that matter) if I dont hurry and I just plain dont feel like I fit in with my own social group without kids and that really stinks. So it leaves me somewhat torn.
Anyone else out there who was later in coming into motherhood? Would love words of encouragement and advice! It is a tough decision to decide when you are ready and when you are not!
Post # 3
@Mrs.Tillmann: Having a baby is a decision that only you and your husband should make. I will be 38 when I get married and we don’t have children…yet. But just like you, a lot of my friends have kids and a few are having them for the first time now in our late 30s. We get the pressure from the parentals but you kind of just need to let it roll off your shoulders. I think you should try to relax, really evaluate your priorities for your lives and make a plan. I hope things work out for you.
Post # 4
I had my son at 38 (though I had my other children in my late 20s). I don’t think at 33, you are at the point where you need to panic and TTC immediately. I have several friends who have had children into their early 40s (though I don’t know that I’d recommend waiting quite that long). I actually conceived while on the pill (though I’d missed a few).
My cousin got married at 35. She thought she’d never meet the right guy. When she did, she was then afraid she’d be too old to have children, or only end up being able to have one. She ended up with three children, one at 36, one at 37 and one at 39.
Post # 5
I was 31 when I got married. My husband is still in school and will be for at least one more year. We aren’t going to have kids until we can afford them, which means after graduation and after he gets a steady job.
We want two kids, ideally. We will probably try to have them when I am 34 & 36. That’s the goal, but you never know how it will work out.
A friend of mine just had her second at age 40 this year, another friend is 39 and about to have her second. I have another friend who is 34 having her first, and another friend getting married at 35 that still plans to have at least one.
Lots of people do it. Do it when you are ready. For us its a financial decision. Babies = doctor bills, diapers, and among a whole host of other things, the need for life insurance! We can’t afford it now, so we are putting it off till we can. If you aren’t ready, wait…
Post # 6
I’m almost 35 and we just started trying. I understand your worries but I have to tell you that there is no perfect time to do ANYTHING and you will always be able to find reasons to start rightthisverysecond!!! and reasons to wait and wait. Kids are no different. Just go with your gut. Good luck!
Post # 7
Great thread. Im 24 and I dont want to even start trying until im 34.
Post # 8
I just had this little squawk box at 38. Please don’t hurry yourself because you feel like there is a timeline. Timelines are self-imposed and far more flexible than what we have in mind!
Post # 9
i’m 31. we don’t have any yet – but we are TTC officially now. :p
his father has been asking “where’s the grandkids” since we met 4 years ago! lol my parents have not because they have one already and they’re happy with that, for now, lol.
if you’re not ready – like everyone else said, DON’T rush!
my husband is 37 and i have a feeling he’s really excited and to the point where he doesn’t want to wait any longer. I’m very happy i did NOT have them in my 20’s because, for me – i wasn’t ready…and part of me STILL doesn’t feel 100% ready – but i think i’ve finally come to the conclusion that i’m not sure i’ll ever bee 100% “ready”…
but it’s a lifetime committment – take your time! 🙂
Post # 10
We were 32 and 33 when we got married. Due in January so I’ll be a month short of 34. Since we want 2 kids, I kind of figured we needed to get this show on the road. Would I have waited a little longer than 9 months into the marriage had I been younger? Sure. But I figure there would never be a “best” time to have a baby. The important groundwork is there so we’re just going for it. All that being said, it’s a totally personal decision. Perhaps talk to your doctor about risks, etc. that come with waiting and then weigh your options. I hope you don’t get too much pressure but I know how people (family and strangers alike) can be.
Post # 11
I got married in August – I am 33 and I feel the same exact way – My husband is only 28 but he wants to have kids sooner than later. Ideally it would make sense to wait 2 or 3 years when we have a house and don’t live in a NYC 500 square foot apartment, but I get worried – As we get older, its a fact that it is sometimes harder and knowing that we want 2 or 3 kids, we are going to start sooner than later – already decided I’m going off the pill in April!
Post # 12
Oh don’t stress and don’t let others persuade you. You definitely want to be 100% ready before you conceive. I’m 34 and we just got married this past spring. We are looking to move now closer to my family, once my husband finds a job in the area. So we’re definitely waiting until we move and get settled in a house and in the new area (well, new to him but my hometown!). I think it’s wise not to rush and put undue stress on yourselves if it’s not the right time.
Post # 13
@Mrs.Tillmann: Well I am 30 years old and will be 32 when I get married. Trust me, I have heard from just about everyone that I need to get started soon, people asking me do I even WANT kids because I am "OLD", one family member told me a few years ago that "I know you are waiting for marriage but we just dont do it that way in this family" (had a lot of 14 and 15 year old pregnancies (her daughter being one….oh and she has never been married or her mom and she is 50 (mom 65)??????????? So, let me get this straight…. because I want to be married first (no offense to anyone who has had a child before marriage), because I am getting older, just take anyone and make them my children’s father??? (I was single at the time).
Marriage is one of my reasons for waiting…another reason was that I wanted to be set up financially before having children…I can actually say that I am ready financially, mentally, etc… to be a mother.
Now, here I am… planning a wedding to the man of my dreams and we will start trying about a month after the honeymoon. So in August 2012. YES, I will be 32 going on 33 early in 2013 and YES I want to have more than one child. But now these days, a lot of women are career focused and are having children later and later. I know a few people who have had children after 35 with no problems.
To be honest, I am glad that I didnt have children in my 20s. I feel that I have done everything that I wanted to do… The traveling, the partying, etc…. so now I can focus on just being a wife and a mother….
So, I am hoping when we start trying, it wont take me long to get pregnant but if it does…..then it is what it is. Don’t worry, you will be just fine…Do it when you are ready…
Post # 14
I’m 33 – I was 32 when we got married in April. We decided to start trying to conceive pretty soon after the wedding – more like not preventing – and we’ve been more conscious of it lately. I borrowed Taking Charge of Your Fertility from the library and bought a thermometer to take my basal body temperature each morning. We’re trying because we’re ready and we’re happy to have a baby soon or at the very least find out if there’s anything we need to address if it takes a few months.
It was our decision and we didn’t consult anyone else – you don’t need to either! You only have to answer to each other – don’t let anyone else stress you out!
Post # 15
@AnamCara: I’m the same as you. 33 now, was 32 when we married in April. 🙂
My husband is 31, but since I’m 33 we didn’t want to wait. My doc said that women 35 and 36 don’t seem to have too many issues, but once 37 hits, it can be more difficult. We want to have two children so our goal is for me to be 34 and 36 yrs.
We started trying immediately after our wedding in April and got pregnant the first month, but then lost the baby. I now have to have surgery in a month (fibroid removal) so we won’t be able to start ttc again until about February which will make me 33 1/2. We’re hoping I get pregnant right away then, since we don’t want to wait too long to have the 2nd baby. 🙂
For us, the age factor is huge. Don’t want to have children in my late 30’s. But, we also are emotionally and financially ready. If we weren’t, we wouldn’t rush things.
Post # 16
I’m 31 and my husband is 35. We’re trying right now, but I feel really old to be a mom because my parents are only 17 and 18 years older than me. It made me put some kind of weird pressure on myself to have a baby before turning 30 even though I didn’t meet my husband until I was almost 29. Now, I truly believe that a person should wait until they’re mentally prepared for it. As far as financially, well, my hubsband is out of work, so we’re not prefectly stable, but we’re emotionally ready and we don’t know how long conception will take. We’re just going for it. Good luck at figuring out when is right for you and your husband.