So my FMIL showed me some pictures of dresses she was looking at, she is really easy to get along with and I really like her. She is in great shape, so I figured she'd wear something sort of revealing and I was whatever about that. Some of the dresses were really cute, browns, pinks, and then she says, "This is my favorite, that I'm probably going to buy soon." And it is freaking W H I T E. 
Obviously not this short, but looks much like this one. (The picture I saw it was on a hanger.) And I looked at her like she was crazy & she goes, "well it's more of a light champagne color." NO IT IS WHITE. I always hear of moms wearing white & how everyone says, just to leave it alone, but wow. So rude. I just told her "Well my dress is white..and lace as well.." And left it alone. If she shows up in it, yeah i'll probably be pissed, but everyone will think she looks ridiculous!
But I mean seriously..... -_- Just needed to vent. Cross our fingers she doesn't buy it!!!!!!!
I don't really think it's a big deal with MOGs or MOBs wear white. No one will be mistaking them for the bride. I didn't notice what anyone else was wearing on my wedding day.
At the last wedding I was at, the bride's mom and the groom's mom both wore white. I counted at least 5 guests in white. No one mistook any of the ladies wearing white for the bride. It was a summer wedding and white is a popular color in the summer.
That would really piss me off.
If you have a good relationship with her, can't you have an honest conversation about how your not comfortable with her wearing a white lacey dress, when your wedding dress is white and lacey?
@futurepilotswife_: I went to a wedding two years ago where the bride's mother showed up in a wedding gown. After that, I figured I didn't care what anyone wore to my wedding as long as it wasn't a wedding gown! So weird. I don't know what was going on with that one. Just think, it could be worse...
I don't think it's a big deal, no one upstages the bride on her wedding day. I even told my guests they were free to wear whatever color they want.
Its rude of anyone else to wear white. Even if you dont mind, others may think less of her. Maybe FDH can speak to her.
Luckily, I don't have this problem. I will be wearing an ivory dress, and ivory BM dresses are in the picture! However, I think it would be weird for my mom to wear a lacey ivory dress! First off, she's way too old to attempt that [assuming its above the knees], and she'd look super weird [she never wears shorts or anything out of the house]. She has already picked out a nice ensemble that is good for her age though.
yikes... I think that dress has a whole lot wrong with it besides the color. Even if she is a hot youngish mom I think its a bit sexy to wear to your son's wedding (not that she needs to wear an old lady suit either but there is a lot inbetween club gear and old lady)
See, I don't go for that. Out of all the colors on earth, why on earth would she choose white!? And if she's buying something pretty sexy like that, I can't help but wonder if she wants eyes on her.
I would be upset also. I think it was perfectly fine for you to say what you did and if it was me I would have been more blunt. To me it's unacceptable to wear white to somebodys wedding regardless of who you are in relation to the bride. Summer or not theres a million different colors, shades, and hues to wear that are summery.
It wouldn't be surprising though if my FSIL or FMIL showed up at my wedding in white just to piss me off.
That would annoy the shit out of me I would have just been blunt and said "I'd rather you not wear any shade close to white, champagne or otherwise". The end. People think in crazy if they want!
except for my own mom who I WANTED to wear a gold or champagne or something.
ONE colour that you don't wear as a wedding guest, should it be so difficult to understand? I really don't get it all, so I completely understand that you're upset!
If she get it, have someone spill red wine on it!
Oh, come on, lighten up. Let her feel beautiful and special, too - if that's what she wants to wear, so what? I don't get the sense that it's any kind of deliberate attempt to upstage you and you can decide to just be gracious.
But gads, as someone else said, that's an - ahem - unusual style for the groom's mother to wear - unless he's like 20 and she had him when she was that same age . . .
Where do people learn all of these rules unless they are on the Bee? I really pissed off my stepsister when I wore a white sundress to her summer wedding. Seriously I had no clue that ONLY the bride can wear white. Um oops, my bad. My dress is champagne and people can come to my wedding nekid or in biker leathers for all I care, as long as they are there to support us and have a good time!
@littlemisshostess: yeah i feel like the white is the least of that dress's problems
@futurepilotswife_: I'm with you...my mom bought some cray cray "ice blue" (fugly) suit (without consulting me, but that's another issue altogether) that showed up white in pics. Maybe I'm a bratty bridezilla, but I made her return it and now she has a lovely purple number that I helped her pick out.
I would def tell your FMIL that you like the style, but not in white...then suggest some more appropriate colors/dress options that would work well in pics (and with her skin tone) to point her in the right direction.
SN: You might want to double check that the dress doesn't come in multiple colors, but the link/cookies she sent you defaulted to the white version...
@trueblue14 It's not so much about people mistaking these other white-wearing folks as the bride (obvi the one in the ballgown/a-line/mermaid, etc is the bride) but it's just about the bride STANDING OUT and being the most beautiful and noticeable person in all of the wedding guest melange. Basically, it's just rude unless the bride plans it for aesthetic reasons.
I dont see anything with wear a mom wearing a white shade gown, since the bride is the bride. But I would think your trying to coordinate with her if your both wearing white lace dresses,
Yeah, that's not an appropriate dress. That is something I would expect as a bride's getaway dress, not for mom. I would just be upfront about your feelings instead of hoping she doesn't get it- "FMIL, I would prefer if I was the only one in a white, lacy dress."
I had to have a similiar chat with my MOH, who I told could pick her own dress. She liked a ballgown and it made me uncomfortable. I told her I would prefer to be the only one in a ballgown and she picked something else. No big deal.
Oh my, I would be pissed if my FMIL showed me a dress like that to wear. Even if hers is a bit longer than the pic, it would still look attention-grabby imho. Especially in white.
Last year I was a BM in a wedding where the MOB wore a floor-length, silk white dress. What really irked me though is that the bride told me "I can't believe my mom is wearing that dress even after I asked her to get it in a different color." She asked her mom not to, and her mom still wore white. How hard is it to pick a different color? It's not like it was the rehearsal dinner or the shower or something...it's the wedding day.
OP, I hope she doesn't buy the dress! Maybe you can talk her into another one? Or suggest that you go shopping together?
I don't know or care much about etiquette, and neither does anyone else in my social circle. But not wearing white to a wedding is a pretty basic rule! Come on! As it gets closer, you should try to find out if she's planning on that or if she's taken your hint. If nothing else, get your FI to tell her no. "Mom! I'm a guy but even I know you can't wear white to a wedding"
I think it's rude for anyone to wear white to a wedding, FMIL is crossing the line. It's a unspoken rule, everyone knows this! I wouldn't sweat it though. Nothing to stress over, you have the right attitude saying she will be the one to look silly :)
My FMIL wants to wear the ivory dress that she wore 10 years ago to her older son's wedding. :\ a) it's ivory, and so is my dress, b) it's 10 years out of style, c) it's too formal for our cocktail-casual wedding, and d) who's to say it even fits (also, e) who still has clothing they wore 10 years ago?)? I keep hearing, "It's FINE if she wears it!" No, it's really not. Obviously no one is going to mistake her for the bride, but it's still rude. She'd look much better in a different color. :\
@vorpalette: Uggg...so annoying. I'm with you, it's not fine. Also, I'm laughing at your post bc my 82 year old grandmother keeps trying to get us to say it's ok for her to wear the dress she wore as MOB to my aunt's wedding in 1976. Like...no. Not only is the dress outdated and innappropriate for the venue, time of day, etc, but you're now almost 40 years older...
I just do not understand why people do this. YOU HAD YOUR DAY ALREADY, GET OVER IT. I just think it's plain mean-spirited.
I"m not sure why it's such a big deal, honestly.
A few years ago, I was invited to a wedding with a dress code of colors you could wear and colors you were forbidden from wearing. Needless to say, I did not attend that wedding. I think it's okay to make little suggestions to people about the attire they wear to your wedding, but ultimately, the guests should have a choice.
*The little dress-code gestappo message came inside the wedding invitation on an insert. I did major eye rolling and promptly threw the invite in the trash.
@futurepilotswife_: I wore an ivory colored dress, and so did my mom. I didn't care at all. I had a veil, a long dress with a train, and a groom by my side - I don't think there was any question about who the bride was. My mom looked absolutely stunning and was really comfortable - which are way more important to me than if it looked like she was crimping my style by wearing white. I really, honestly don't understand why it's such a big deal.
Oh for pete's sake it is not the end of the world if someone else wear's white to a wedding. So freaking what. No one is going to mistake them for the bride. I think people are getting their panties in a bunch for nothing.
Thanks for the input ladies, I don't think its worth an arguement, but it is a given rule, in my opinion. She is the type that would LOOOOVEEEEE the attention, but I offered last night to go shopping with her & I would help her find something. She said okay, so I plan to steer her away from white. My FI is coming too because he has no problem telling his mom no (she get's her feelings hurt easily) and he will be a good mediator if she gets upset, haha.
I'm not telling people what they can and can't wear, I don't care that much, but white is off limits and that is my one rule. I don't think she's trying to outshine me per say, but I can see her doing it for attention.
I think its sick. Id literally have a bridezilla moment if ANYONE came to MY wedding wearing white and I dont care who they are. Its tacky and disrespectful.
@Sassygrn: You're right its not the end of the world and I'm not concerned with her "stealing the spotlight" I just think she'd doing it for the attention, and that's what bothers me. She's that type of woman. No panties in a bunch here :)
A short, tight, white lace dress is just tacky for her to wear. In this case, I would say to tell her that it makes you uncomfortable for her to wear white, ivory, or champagne because these are bridal colors, and that this dress would be lovely in another color.
Think that's something? I have a friend who's mother had someone make her a white dress with a lace overlay then told my friend, "I think I'll have her put a train on it", which she did. She also refused a oorsage and insisted on carrying a bouquet of calla lilies. Yeah...the wedding was bascially her wedding by the end. I thought it was ridiculous as did my friend but she let her do it rather than fight with her over it.
It's annoying, but it's one of those things that isn't worth getting into a big fight over it. DH's dad's new wife AND her daughter both wore white, lace dresses to my wedding, and though it raised a couple eyebrows, it truly did not affect my wedding or my happiness, or anyone else's, in any way.
Now, if she's trying to wear a white strapless Vera Wang with a long train and a veil, then I might be a little concerned. Anything else is just people not having the best etiquette, and it's really not your job to tell them what not to wear.
It was absolutely bizarre. She also didn't want my friend's father to participate in the wedding because her parent's were never married, her stepfather had adopted her, and a lot of people didn't know about the real father. My friend put her foot down on that because she's always had a relationship with the man. Her mother is a real piece of work...nice woman but a piece of work.
@futurepilotswife_: I think when I hear of a MOB wear white I usually think they are either totally clueless or attention seeking. Some dresses are tolerable but the one she picked out is very "bridey"- seeing how that looks exactly like the one I wore to my wedding rehearsal. Honestly, don't let it get to you the only one is reflects poorly on is her.
Would someone please indulge me on this? Why is it not okay for anyone else to wear white? I mean, it's pretty common knowledge that the only reason why most wedding dresses are white is because Queen Victoria's dress was white to a fancy ball.
I know it's now a tradition, but why is it taboo? What meaning is there to someone else wearing white?
Maybe it's because I don't see it as a big deal, but I genuinely don't understand color taboos.
If some of you REALLY aren't going to have even a LITTLE bit of an "Are you f'in kidding me she's wearing WHITE to MY wedding!" moment... more power to you.
My MIL is Taiwanese - she'd have no clue it was rude to wear white to a wedding. She had a super cute white dress she wanted to wear and all I said was "actually, it's tradition that only the bride gets to wear white on her wedding day, let's go shopping together and pick you out something new that you love even more." We went and picked her out a gorgeous blue dress. My SIL didn't give a crap (she's Chinese), so MIL wore the white dress to their reception.
Also - that dress on anyone who has a child old old enough to marry isn't cool.
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