Motorcycles and men…a phase?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Birdiebaby4:  I’ve been racing motocross since I was 3 and share my love of motorcycles with DH. We both have street bikes, and honestly it’s something that we’ve both always loved and probably will for the rest of our lives. For us it isn’t a phase, it’s a lifestyle.

I can understand your concern, motorcycles definitely are dangerous, however as long as he is prepared for the road then you should trust him. I know, you trust HIM, but not drivers. Believe me, I’ve had to kick cars before because they’ve tried to merge over on me and yeah, I’ve laid my bike down. But I’m still here and in one piece.

It’s something he loves and you don’t, that’s going to happen. He’s found something he loves and as long as you express your concern and make sure that he is well informed on riding techniques, there’s not much you can do. We have a course out here in Oregon called Team Oregon. They have a bunch of different classes from beginners to professional racers to help you learn the best way to be safe on the bike. Different defensive techniques, riding skills, and they help a LOT! Maybe you could talk him into getting into that sort of thing?

Part of being in a relationship is supporting the other person in every way. I know it’s a difficult thing to support, but if this is something he really and truly loves (which is seems he does) then show him that you love him and worry about him, but support his choice. 


If you need any advice or concerns, you can PM me and I’d be happy to help! 




Post # 4
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Birdiebaby4:  My FI has been riding motorcycles since he can remember. He custom builds Harley Davidsons and of course has a bike of his own. But he’s not a crazy biker dude. Lol. It’s actually his only transportation right now, so he gets tired of being on his bike. We do ride it when we don’t want to be stuck in traffic, to save gas on my SUV or when it’s a typically nice day out. But I would go nuts if he was as obsessed as your DH. Lol. I guess because he grew up riding bikes, it’s an everyday thing for him. He doesn’t wear anything Harley Davidson, he doesn’t even ride a Harley. It’s a volcom kawasaki motorcycle. It looks like a harley, but more if a simple cruiser bike. I hate my hair getting tangled, even in a ponytail too. I don’t wear motorcycle gear tho. I wear jeans and my converse. But sometimes I can’t wear what I really want when on the bike. So I know what you mean. 


Hopefully he calms down a bIt. Lol. He’s probably just excited and he’ll eventually get tired of it. As in he won’t be as obsessed. Lol. My FI is selling his bikes because we want to start a family. His choice to get practical family car For our dogs and future kids. But I would never have him stop riding or have a bike. So I know he’ll have at least one bike. That’s who he is. Have your DH buy you cute outfits for your rides. Lol. 


Post # 5
16 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

Sadly, no, I don’t think he’ll truly get over it. 🙂 My fiance, my bf’s fiance, AND his father used to ride, and they all still would if they could afford it/SO’s let them.

   The best thing you can do is try to be supportive, and force him to wear proper armor EACH AND EVERY ride (and have gear for you, too). That means helmet, quality leather jacket, leather pants (not just chaps), riding boots, riding gloves, the works. When my FI took a spill on the highway, he was wearing only the jacket and helmet. Everywhere else he was scraped, had to be stiched up, and even had his kickstand buried in his ankle (could see the bone). Buuut…to this day he still wants to ride and gives jealous looks to bikers we pass on the street. :p


@Silly_love My FI had the Vulcan too – sweet bike. 🙂

Post # 6
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Corai:  oops! Did I spell it wrong? Lol. Yeah, I like his bike. I don’t want him to sell it. It’s a 2012. He looks pretty hot on it too lol. 

Post # 7
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012


<< Double Post >>


Post # 8
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree with @PacificMrs: this isn’t so much “a phase” as it is a lifestyle…

Motorcycles, Sports Cars, Classic Cars, Camping / RVing / Seasonal Camping, Boating, Flying, Cottaging, Travelling … these are all things that people choose to sink their TIME & MONEY to

And that can take up a lot of TIME & MONEY

As you’ve noticed…  weekends (and more) is going to be dedicated to this type of interest.

IMO, Honestly… you guys have to be on the same page… have to enjoy the hobby, interest, lifestyle together…

Otherwise it will impact your relationship in a very negative way I’m afraid… either he’s going to be off doing his thing, and leave you on your own a lot… OR he’ll get rid of the bike for you, and then spend a lot of time brooding about that (“you made him get rid of the bike”… will be a refrain YOU WILL HEAR, guaranteed)

When I met Mr TTR “he was considering buying a motorcycle”… I made it very clear to him that this was something I would not enjoy.  If he bought a bike, he could forget me getting on with him… not interested, whatsoever.  He’d be biking alone… and if that was the case, well then he could forget having a relationship with me, cause it just wasn’t interested in being the Bike Widow while he was out running around riding solo (doing things WITH my Partner is a very important part of what I expect in a Relationship… )

IF he had got a bike… it would have been a deal-breaker no doubt… especially so as it was early days in our Relationship.  I would have seen this as a vast diffrerence of interests between us.  And probably drifted away from him after a few Weekends alone.

What I can say is we compromised.  We looked at other specialized hobbies (such as the list above) and chose different ones to focus on… things that we’ve both found we enjoy.  No regrets, Mr TTR never mentions a Motorcycle now… unless he says something like:

“When we met I was thinking of buying a bike, but she had no interest, so we chose instead to take up ___ and it is something we enjoy much more… in that its grown into a real thing we share as a couple, and it also has a social element that we both love”

Hope this helps,


Post # 9
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My dad started expressing an interest in getting his motorbike license a few years ago at age 50. My family were all ‘ha ha, midlife crisis’ but he ended up getting his license and is now on his third bike. I think we were all a bit worried at first – especially when these gruesome ads came on TV showing how people’s jeans can get melded into their skin if they come off a motorbike and aren’t wearing protective gear – but we’ve all accepted that it’s part of Dad’s life and something he really enjoys.

I think there are two issues here:

1. Safety – hopefully not too difficult to address. If he wants you to take an interest, maybe go shopping with him and point out motorbike safety jackets and pants. Yes, there is a risk involved, but he’s also at risk driving a car, riding a bicycle in traffic, etc. If he has passed his license test and done a defensive driving course then he’s in good shape.

2. Time and money commitment – probably the bigger issue. You two need to sit down and create some boundaries around this. Help him understand that it’s not that you’re being a nag and you hate motorbikes – you’d have to set the same boundaries if he was spending an equal amount of money on chess, or Xbox, or fishing or stamp collecting or whatever. One agreement would be that he consults you before making financial decisions related to motorbiking that impact upon you, like if you’re saving up for something, don’t buy a $600 helmet. However, if his spending has no negative impact on you, he can go for it. Also, while I think it is appropriate and healthy for couples to have separate interests and spend some time apart, if his motorbike hobby means you no longer spend time together, he may have to address that and make sure you still spend quality time with each other.

Post # 10
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Birdiebaby4:  I agree with you – I hate motorcycles and I don’t think they are safe. FI is well aware of this and reluctantly would never get one because of it. I’ve made it clear I won’t go on it, and neither will our future kids. He’s a grown up, so if he chooses to risk his life then there is not much I can (except kick up a fuss, which I would). I will not, however, risk mine or my children’s lives. Obviously you can die at any time and die in a car, but I see increased risks with motorcycles and I don’t believe in increasinly already exisiting risk.

I think it depends on whether or not it’s a phase. Your partner is young, so I am going to assume no. If you said he was 45, I may have thought: mid-life crisis. It sounds to me like it is a genuine interest of his and since he already has one, I would assume he is committed enough to spend the time and money on it. I seriously want to strangle one of my brothers who is buying a bike – I know FI is going to want it. GRRRRRRRR! Lol.

Post # 11
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Meh. FI has a crotch rocket and has for years. He isn’t obsessed with it at all. He loves riding it, but he doesn’t detail it or spend 15+ minutes getting it ready. 

Post # 13
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I kind of think because of his age it IS a phase. My DH has been riding since before he could walk, lol not really but kind of. He’s had crotchrockets his whole life!  We’ve seen people go through the bike phase and quit it.  I think because of his age his hobbies will probably change. My own DH at 37 is selling his bike now because I’m prego, on his own decision. I don’t think that you guys need the same hobbies, let him do his thing and you do yours, just let him know its not your thing and you don’t enjoy riding. I really did try to enjoy it, we got me a helmet and jacket, but it just wasn’t for me. It’s not a big deal, DH doesn’t love crafting and cooking like me, and I’m okay with that. I think at the very least talk to him about the financial aspects of it and spending so much extra on it. I don’t really understand why he’s taking 15mins to get it ready either. I think he’s just a kid with a new toy and will clam down eventually. 

I agree with a lot of what PacificMrs has said. As long as he’s safe, it’ll be okay. He’s going to lay it down, he’s going to have to watch out for other cars but as long as he’s defensive he’ll be okay.  

Post # 14
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

On the otherhand…

I have to add that I have know several couples where the guy has had an interest in Bikes… and the women haven’t been totally opposed to the lifestyle, so they’ve said it point blank

“IF this is something we are going to do together, then I expect to have a bike as well… not just be the “spare part” that rides along on the back of yours.  No fun enjoying the view of your back… I want the FULL EXPERIENCE that you love too”

And so a second bike was purchased… and they are now a 2 Bike family.

BUT as I said, you gotta be that type of girl, as it is a lifestyle thing.

IF you aren’t a Bike Girl to begin with (I certainly wasn’t), then this so-called “Hobby” and how it sucks up so much time and money… will probably turn into AN ISSUE in your relationship.

(And as I also said, there is always compromise, there are other lifestyle things that you guys may be able to find that you both love… that provide the same sort of involvement and “thrill”.  I’ve known plenty of couples who have switched from Bikes to Cars, Boats or Planes… RVs / Campers or a Cottage.  Some of them are great as a two-some, and some are just as great as a family).

Hope this helps,


Post # 15
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Birdiebaby4:  My mister loves his motorcycle. I love my mister and his motorcycle, but I do understand the annoyance with having to dress “bike appropriately” and the always lovely helmet hair. I’ve started wearing a bandana under my helmet so that helps a little 🙂 I even jumped on the bandwagon and got myself a vest (black with studs!) to be embroidered with the bike shop’s logo (in pink, of course!). And I love an excuse to get new boots!



Plus, my mister is a total hottie and looks like a total badass on his bike.

Post # 16
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My husband, who loves his motorcycle, said there is no reason to spend so much money on stupid things for a stupid Harley, and that your fiance should get a Triumph instead.

My husband has had two Triumphs, and the first only broke because it got crashed into (husband was amazingly uninjured. No repairs needed for either and the only additions have been an alarm, a sissy bar, and a ramp to get it into the truck because I won’t ride it but he likes to bring it on vacation. He just takes it out once every week or two when it’s nice weather (but not when it’s 90 – too hot for him to ride!). I am not a motorcycle person but I can handle the level he likes them. Idk if I could if it was all motorcycles, all the time.

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