- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Good morning to all you lovely bees! This is very long rant, so apologies ahead of time.
This has been bugging me since last night and I need to get it off of my chest before I start overthinking things. I love my mother, I do, she’s a wonderful woman who gives way more than she gets and has the means to do so.
Case and point: my parents are paying for pretty much me and my FI’s entire wedding. It’s a blessing and a privledge that I am grateful for everyday – it wasn’t even a consideration for WHO would pay when my FI asked my dad if he could have my hand in marriage; they immediately said they’d pay for everything.
And that’s all well and good and incredibly generous of them and I cannot express how appreciative I am. Now as some of you may or may not have known, our wedding was originally planned for Las Vegas. However, as my father would have paid for everyone and everything (it’s just his nature) the price started to climb to an upwards of $200k and my FI and I decided we didn’t want my parents spending that kind of money on a single day.
So we moved it to Tucson where we all live – and that’s fine, because it’s lovely here and will be just as fun and elegant and happy. Now I’ve always wanted a wedding planner to help out, because I don’t know my right foot from left when it comes to decorations or planning a wedding. I know generally what I do and do not like, but past that I need someone who can listen to my broad ideas and visions and focus it for me to deliver the best day possible.
My mother has taken that on herself, which would normally be fine. In fact she suggested a chapel to be married – I said I’d think about it – and she promptly booked it. Okay…that was fine, I guess. I managed to get my say in about the photographer (Sergio Photography, FTW! Seriously, check out his work it’s GORGEOUS: http://www.sergiophotographer.com/) and my red wedding dress.
The reception venue I love, though truth be told she pushed that one on me a bit – but that’s fine because as I said, it’s perfect and I’ve never seen a wedding there. (Anthony in the Catalina’s if anyone is curious – he’s a friend of ours so he’ll provide the food too.)
She’s always been opinionated and for the most part I’ve deferred to her because she is paying for everything.
Last night, however, brought to light some frustrating truths, though: My mother is steamrolling over EVERYTHING about my wedding. Every single suggestion I have she shoots down – and NOT kindly. I mean, I can take constructive criticism and I look forward to it, but if I have an idea that YOU don’t like, please let me know why and suggest an alternative. Or at least discuss it and we’ll compromise.
But my mom…she’s just taking over everything. I had suggested maybe some bamboo in our centerpieces – we’re having a hor d’ouerve reception but there will be tables for people to sit and rest, nevertheless – and she just made a face and said point blank: “No.” Okay…why? Our wedding is a fusion of Asian and Western traditions because my father is Chinese. Can’t we have a few things that would hint towards an Asian theme? Apparently bamboo is ugly or something – I have no clue. But at least tell me why “No” so I don’t feel lame for even thinking it.
She wants to do wildflowers to decorate the chapel. I don’t mind, but at this point I don’t know what even I want. I’ve barely scratched the surface of possible ideas etc. My wedding is NEXT OCTOBER but I’m already feeling pressured to make decsions on the flowers and decorations etc. just so she doesn’t try and decide for me.
I dunno bees, am I unfounded in my concerns here? Because my parents are paying for everything, does that mean I just have to go along with what she wants? At this rate my red dress is going to be the only “me” elemeng of our wedding – FI has not expressed any opinions either way, except that he didn’t want tacky invitations.