(Closed) Mourning the dream wedding I lost *EXTREMELY LONG*

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@savannahb:  I’m so sorry that’s something you had to go through. I don’t have any advice really, but i think you’re family would be thrilled for you if you were to get married regardless of what happened. None of this was your fault, they know that. 

 

I also think you can still plan a dream wedding without it being exactly the same. There are SO many options these days for dresses and venues and even DIY projects, I see new ones every day! And I think if you were to get engaged again, you’d be thrilled too. Enough that maybe you could put your first fiasco aside even. 

Post # 5
Member
11228 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@savannahb:  First of all, I want to give you a cyber hug.  ((((HUG)))).  You’ve been on a roller coaster of emotion for a long time as a result of your former relationship, and I think the grief you are experiencing over the loss of the wedding for which you planned and worked so hard for so long — but never happened — is very normal. Although you may not have experienced the death of a person, you did experience the death of a six-year-long relationship, and also the death of a much anticipated dream. Both of those are very painful things, and there is a genuine grief process that is happening in your life.

Your family, friends, boyfriend, and therapist are right. Healing will come for these wounds. However, it is going to take time.

Although I cannot know exactly how  you feel, I believe I have some sense of it because, many years ago, I broke an engagement and ended a relationship about three months before my first planned wedding and also because, when I eventually did meet my now-DH and finally was able to have my “dream” wedding, I experienced a great deal of grief and disappointment over some thing that never happened at my wedding. (If you’re at all interested in that story, you can read it here:  http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/please-share-your-biggest-regrets-incl-photos#post-3806576).

Although there is no substitute for time in helping to lessen the intensity of your feelings, I would encourage you to do your best to not spend a lot of time focusing on your disappointments, because, while you’re busy mourning your past, you are missing out on the present and also influencing your future.

I wish you the best.

Post # 6
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

The good news is you found out BEFORE you got married. 

You never actually HAVE been married, so why do you feel undeserving of an amazing wedding? It will not be your second, although it may feel like it a little bit.

Also, by the time you are ready to walk down the isle your style might have changed and you won’t care that you couldn’t use your felt flowers. 

I hope you find amazing happiness! 

Post # 7
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@savannahb:  I don’t have much advice for you, but I wanted to say how sorry I am that your previous engagement ended the way it did. Know that you are better off because of it. Don’t let anyone tell you that mourning a wedding that didn’t happen is silly — you invested yourself in planning that wedding… your blood, sweat and tears, and then it all went to crap. It’s ok to feel sad, disappointed, pissed off, whatever… own the emotions, and then move on. You’ve got good things ahead of you 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1673 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@savannahb:  I’m so sorry that happened to you. He sounds sucky.

I can definitely see how that would sour wedding stuff for you. I think it’s okay to have whatever you want for your real wedding. If you love the details that you were planning before, you can always remake them a little bit better so that they “beat” the old ones. If the designs make you sad because of the association, that’s understandable too. There are all kinds of cool ideas out there waiting to be found!

Your current regret over the situation is probably preferable to being that guys wife though, or divorced. Sometimes we have to let the situation play all the way out to truly understand it. Your family just wants you happy, so I’m sure they’re happy you aren’t in a bad marriage. ***HUGS*** 

Post # 11
Member
4646 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow. I’m so sorry that happened to you. But honestly, thank God you dodged a bullet, and good for you for walking away. 

My thoughts on this are that the dress can be right, the flowers can be right, and the guy can be wrong. I honestly don’t think that just because you had stuff ready for a wedding with a different guy that they become “tarnished” or un useable. If you had wool flowers in mind for your wedding, those elements can still be there.

I don’t think your family would not show to your wedding. Do they know what happened? Who could blame you for calling it off? If anything, I’d think they’d be understanding and quite happy for you. Granted, I don’t know them, but I can’t imagine anyone would blame you. 

You absloutely can have the dream wedding you always wanted. Why should his bad behavior reflect on the kind of wedding you can and can’t have? 

Post # 14
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@savannahb:  I called off an engagement before, we had the venue, date, dress and invites out but after a few months I just felt that it wasnt right. I know many people were dissapointed but now that I have my current FI they all seem to be even more excited about the wedding because they see how much better and happier I am. I know the first wedding they wouldnt have to travel but this one they do, none have declined. I feel once the wedding starts to happen people will be there to support you no matter what. You can still do similar things but in different ways, you may even find that there is something that you want more than you originally planned. 

Post # 16
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow – I am so so happy that you looked at his phone. That is definitely your “sixth sense” going into action! 

I can only imagine, if you had married him and found those text messages AFTER you tied the knot. I think that would be grounds for annulment. That would be devastating.  In that sense, your next marriage really would be your “second marriage.” 

Keep your head high. Thankfully, you are in a new relationship that you feel much better about. Still have the dream wedding you were planning – and do the research and attend the shows to make it even better! 

You have every right to still have the wedding you want. Don’t let him take that away from you!!

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