mourning the loss of a dream

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Wallow now, but cheer up for later.  If your family isn’t acting how you desire, don’t include them.  Have a small wedding with the loved ones that are trying hard to make you happy… or the loved ones that hide in the shadows besides when you just need to chat. 

And the wedding industry is run on cheap DIYs.  How would middle to low income people be able to afford a wedding??  Personally, I want to spend as little money on my wedding as possible.  There are better thing my money can be put towards!

You can MAKE it beautiful and memorable.  Make it destination!  Go with you FI and a few others.  It will be the most special thing you will have.  And think of all the money you can spend on quality food and champagne for the special people who MATTER.

If someone is being crappy, just leave them out.  You’re in control of your happiness… and your wedding. You will be okay.  I promise.  Just take control of this. Take control of your life and don’t let anyone in to steer you in any other way.

Post # 4
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

damarajade:  dead on.

MissPumps:  my family situation, is that I have none. NONE. Not one person, blood related except my kids, even knows I’m getting married. Hell, my father’s side doesn’t know my son exists, and my mom hasn’t been allowed in my life for a year and a half, and I’ve never met her family.

What I do have, is my kids, FI, a great best friend and my FIs family that has welcomed me with open arms. Yes, I’m having a big wedding, but I started to get really upset that my “side” will literally have no one. But, thats OK. FIs friends have truly become my friends (moved to this state, ironically to be closer to family-no friends) and I’m happy to share our joy with them. 

A couple things I’m doing:

Food was the most important thing to FI and I. We splurged.

A good DJ was important, but I totally would’ve used my laptop and iTunes if I needed to.

Pics, I found an amateur who is fantastic. She’s charging me about 1/2 of what others go for in my area. She did budior photos for me, and I was so happy with my results.

Invites, a friend of a friend is designing them, then I’ll upload them to vista print.

Flowers, so not that important. I found some cheap lanterns on Amazon and some small vases. 3-5 flowers a piece from a local grocery store and a tea light, there’s my centerpieces. As for bouquets, haven’t decided yet, but they won’t be too fancy.

FI is very “old school” Italian, so a big affair is kind of expected. But that doesn’t mean my cheap side doesn’t come out at every turn, because I would’ve been happy getting married in my back yard!

Stay away from Pinterest and all that crap. You don’t NEED all that to make your day fabulous. A few personal touches, and the people you truly treasure, and who treasure you back, is really all you need 🙂 

 

Post # 5
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

Give yourself time to mourn. I suggest 9AM-1PM on a Sunday by yourself. Listen to Adele, chow down on a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, have a bit of a weep if you need to. Life doesn’t always turn out how we’d like it to, and that’s sincerely disappointing, no matter your age.

Then move on.

You don’t need that mournful energy dragging down a very happy time in your life.

Pick one thing that’s really important – the cake, the bouquets, the dress – and splurge on that. Let the rest be reasonable. Turn off Pinterest. Your guests will take their cues from you: if you’re happy and provide for their basic needs, they’ll be happy. If you’re anxious and constantly insecure about how XYZ doesn’t look expensive enough, they’ll pick up on that. As long as you start off unmarried and finish the day bound body and soul to the man (or woman, or people) you love, the wedding was a success. Everything else is just frosting.

Family troubles? That sucks! A lot of bees here will empathize (myself included), but again, anxiety isn’t going to solve them. Take three deep breaths and let go of the negative energy. It will help, I promise.

You can get through this, OP!

Post # 6
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

MissPumps:  Once I get all the major plans set, I’ll be struggling through DIY, as well.  I’m not very creative… left brain all the way.

But we’re all here for you cheering you on!  But remember, YOU are in control of how things go.  And we’re all allowed to have bad days 😉

Post # 7
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

MissPumps:  Have you considered saying screw it and having an awesome elopement? Change the vision of your dream wedding. Run off somewhere you’ve always wanted go and marry your love. It is a truly romantic way to do start off married life.

Post # 8
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

I came on the boards tonight looking for a cheer up, FI & I had yet another fight about our wedding & I was feeling exactly how you feel in your post. Mourning the loss is the best way to describe this feeling. Thank you for sharing your feelings – it has helped me as well … I guess these feelings are somewhat normal 🙁

Post # 9
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

Bridey77:  That’s a great idea. OP, I +1 that!

Post # 12
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

You can get past this to a happy place.  We all have our burdens.  For most of us it seems to be family.  They are the ones that matter most to us at times like this.  Yet, they are the ones that hurt us the most during these times.  I don’t think you’ve made it to where you are because of them but in spite of them.  Try to fulfill the rest of your dreams.  Good luck to you.  

Post # 14
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

MissPumps:  I’d keep it as simple as possible then. Keep it light and fun. How many people are you inviting? You can make it informal? Instead of a formal reception at venue, can you have a picnic reception at a park, catered with picnic food? Maybe dancing in a Gazebo? 

Remember that a lot of what you see on pinterest and wedding blogs are not actual weddings. A lot of the stuff is staged.

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