(Closed) Move in or wait til he PCS-es?

posted 6 years ago in Military
  • poll: Move or not to move?
    Wait to move; he's deployed anyway. Might as well focus on your career! : (23 votes)
    88 %
    Move in October; you're married and that's the point! : (3 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1370 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    It’s one of those questions only you can answer.

    What does he want you to do?

    If you’re going to move there for a couple months and then move back, of course staying put is logical, but I don’t think anyone would blame you for being with your FI for those couple months.

    On the other side of the coin, it might simply be easier to stay put instead of moving twice, especially if he’s not even going to be there! You’ll be alone in a strange place with no friends or family. Of course, that’s military life – but no need to subject yourself to it unnecessarily. At this point it might make sense to just stay put until he’s settled. October isn’t that far away!

    Again, no one would blame you for moving, but it’s a decision only you and your FI can make.

    Post # 4
    Member
    125 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’m located in DC and I’m PSCing to Lejeune. It’ll be a rough adjustment. But it would be rougher not going with him.

     

    That being said, your situation is kind of different. I’d probably stay put. But really, I don’t know.

    Post # 5
    Member
    574 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I would stay put for now until he comes back and PCS’s again.  There’s honestly not much point in you going, only to be alone, then move again if that’s what you know is going to happen.

    We did the same thing this year while he was in school, and don’t regret it at all.  Sure, you “signed up” for the lifestyle, but you also have the ability to forge your own path if that’s what seems best for you guys.  We know a couple who have never lived together.  She goes and sees him after he comes home, and telecommutes while she visits.  Then, when he gets busy with work, she goes home.  It works for them!  🙂

    Post # 6
    Hostess
    18646 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I wouldn’t move somewhere if he is going to end up deploying right after the move.  Even if you don’t need to be employed because he is making enough, staying where you have a good support system while he deploys is a must.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1767 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I would stay where you are until he comes back home and PCS’s. Right now we’re not sure when my husband is getting deployed- he graduates USMC bootcamp Friday (!!!!!!) and then 2 months at SOI, then he’ll get placed in the fleet, and then we’ll figure out the deployment schedule. The plan is that if he’s going to be somewhere for at least 6 months before getting deployed, I’ll move with him. If he’s going to be there any less than that, I think it would be really really hard on me to move somewhere I don’t know anyone or anything while he’s away. In that case, I will stay at school where I am now. But if he’s going to be there long enough for us to get established, I’m going.

    It’s a really hard decision, and I know where you’re coming from. But if I were in your situation I would stay, especially if you already have a lot going for you where you’re at now. You’ll need those distractions while he’s deployed!

    Post # 8
    Member
    1444 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    It is ultimately your call, but I’d stay put for the time being until he gets to his more permanent station.  I moved right before my DH deployed, and it was ROUGH not having him around on top of having no family, no job yet, and no friends in the area.  It puts a huge strain on things your ability to adapt to both marriage and your new lifestyle all at once.  Just my thoughts!

    Post # 9
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Most likely his deployment is only 6 months –  I would move.  Why spend more time apart than you have to.  Will you regret having those extra few months in your career? Or will you later regret not having those few months with you husband?  

    Do what ever feels right to you.  But there is no reason to be seperated if you don’t have to.  As I am sure you know, loving someone in the military has a lot you miss out on so I try not to add to it.  Yes, it sucks when I think about all the “I use to…”  but really what matters is what I have and that is the love of your life coming home to you and then you can PCS together.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1523 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    That’s a tough one. I’d want to be with him so bad, that I might end up feeling restless staying put, especially knowing he was going to deploy soon, and I would have limited opprotunity to see him.  I say this because I am 3 weeks away from leaving my job and life here in FL and moving to WY to be with FI at which point I will have no job, friends , or family. We are PCSing to Colorado in July and then I will look for employment. This whole time we have been seperated ( a year) I have grown weary of life here in FL. I hate it. I want to be with him, even if it’s in the middle of nowhere.

    Is there any way you can take a long vacation/leave from work and spend a good chunk of time with him, and then return to NYC to work until he returns from deployment?

    Post # 13
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @Miss Carmine:  The two months is great!  Yea! But seriously – Do what feels right for you and your Love.  When my guy came back from a 15 month deployment – I wasn’t moved and it was the longest – Longest few weeks Ever!! before I got moved to Hawaii.  I hated it, it was horrible being apart when we didn’t have to.      Plus, it can be easier for him to come home to a Home rather than the stresses of setting a home up.  But again, it is up to you.       You do know that they will help you find a job and you can meet up with the Family Readiness Group.  I don’t attend but that because I am not a Hoorah girl – I love all the fabulous things they do I’m just a bit quiet about stuff, and like to volunteer with the community instead.  My other suggestion is don’t forget to leave Base.  Don’t get stuck there – learn about the area you live in, get involved in the local community.  Meet people outside of military life.  It keeps things real.   My fiance says “this name will go but this one will always be there”  What he means is US Army name on his uniform will come off when he leaves but he will always be who he is. So don’t forget, enjoy the adventures. So far its been wonderful for us, stressful at times.  Lonely sometimes and a whole new world for me – but isn’t that what everyones life is like?  Good luck to you.

    Hope I didn’t drag on too much

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