Post # 1
My SO and I moved in with his mother (52), her boyfriend (52), and his younger sister (18).
Why we moved in with them:
- the house is 1/3 mile from SO’s new job (we moved from 90 miles away)
- they desperately need help affording the house or they’ll lose it
- we’ll save $400/month or so
Why it isn’t working out:
- they are potheads and smoke outside yet they still manage to stink up the house with pot due to pot pipes, smelly bags of weed, and smoke wafting from their clothing. the house smells like pot at least once a day and the basement smells most of the time (which is where the washer and dryer are located)
- his mother is a lunatic and has gotten into a couple screaming matches with me over nothing, then she does not recall what actually happened during the fight and blames the whole thing on me
- they are complete and total slobs; they leave food and dishes lying all over the house and only clean up after themselves once the place is a wreck
We just rented a Uhaul and unpacked it 8 days ago. SO is not keen on moving since his commute would be about 25 mins vs 3 mins and he already works 55 hrs/week so he doesn’t want to spend even more time away.
The main problem I am having is the pot smell. I cannot stand weed, or any drug, and they are supposedly making efforts for the house to not smell, but it stinks often. I find myself anxiously hiding in my room, hiding at a friend’s house, and even angrily sitting in my car to get away from the smell. The pot smell makes me very anxious. The house will stink to high hell and I ask them why and they say they can’t smell it.
I am ready to pack another Uhaul and get the hell out of there, but SO isn’t at that point. He only has 3 days off in the next 3 weeks and doesn’t want to spend them frantically moving to a new place a week after we just moved in.
What should I do?
Should I have SO talk to them about the pot smell and try to figure out the source and fix it or should we just suck it up and leave and move again?
Post # 3
I personally couldn’t be in that environment. I would have been packign up to move before the first U-hall was gone. I think it’s going to sour your relationship with his family to keep living there, and 5 adults in the same house unless it is huge never seems to work out well.
Post # 4
Pot smells. A lot. Even if they tried to “clean up the smell”, it’s still going to smell like pot. So if you can’t stand it and it’s making you miserable, I would move out.
Post # 5
@__always: Gross!!!! Run, and run fast. That smell is absolutely disgusting..and when it doesn’t reek of pot, I’m sure the rotten food and garbage doesn’t do much for the nose either.!
Post # 6
can’t you guys move somewhere else that is still close to your SO’s work? That’s what I would do.
Post # 7
@__always: I don’t think it’s worth talking to them about the pot smell. It’s not like they’re going to quit tomorrow, so the smell is always going to be there even if you can’t identify the source. I’d get the hell outta there. And tell your SO that 25 mins is nothing because it could be worse! My SO works 55 hrs per week, wakes up at 5:30 am every day to drive 1 to 1.5 hrs to work and then again 1 to 1.5 hrs to get home at like 7:30 pm.
Post # 8
I think you should suck it up, leave, and move again. Trying to get them to alter their behavior would be an exercise in futility, most likely. I also doubt that there is much they could do about the pot smell unless they just stopped using it, which doesn’t sound like it’s going to happen.
I know your SO doesn’t want to move, but it’s probably better to get out of the situation now. You can’t live the way you are now without it taking a big toll on your well being and possibly even your relationship with your SO.
Post # 9
Oh heeeeeeeeeck no.
I find marijuana to be completely nasty, and I absolutely refuse to be around it. I have friends who smoke, but they know that I don’t want to be around them when they do it and respect that. I can’t imagine LIVING around it.
Is marijuana even LEGAL in your area?? Because I sure as heck would not want to even take the TINIEST chance of getting into legal troubles because of someone else’s drug habit. (And also if they’re on the verge of losing their house, why the heck are they spending money on a drug habit?!)
I’d be running for the hills, girl.
Post # 10
UGh that sounds disgusting and awful.
Unfortunately, beacuse you moved into THEIR house, I don’t think you can keep them from smoking pot, or have them change their ways. There’s a chance that you guys can talk to them and say you’ll have to live elsewhere if they don’t make changes, and they might, beacuse they flat out can’t afford the house without you. Or they might not. And if they don’t, you’ll have to move. It’s definitely not something that is worth fighting with them on beacuse like I said it’s their house and you probably won’t win.
ETA: I always find it extremely ironic when people are so broke but can afford to spend loads of money on drugs. what the heck…
Post # 11
I would tell them it needs to stop or you’re gone. Sounds like they need your rent to keep the house so that might get their attention.
Do you work? Can you move most of the stuff so your SO doesn’t need to spend his days off doing it? Why do you need to move 25 minutes away from your SO’s work? Aren’t there any closer places?
Post # 12
No, it’s not legal here. They smoke because they’re idiots. They smoke every few hours, every single day.
They make buying weed a priority over almost everything except their cell phone bills. SO’s mother’s boyfriend spent $90 on weed the other day. Guess what? He wasn’t able to register his car bc that costs $115. He chose buying pot over having a registered vehicle.
I should mention that they have already made changes to limit how much the house smells. They used to smoke inside but I told them there is no way in hell I could live in a place where they smoke inside. The pot I smell is wafting from their clothing, from pot pipes in their pockets, bags of smelly weed etc.
I’ll have SO talk to them one more time. If I keep smelling weed every day, we’re gone. I can’t live like this.
@Jewelieee: It has been worse for SO. He used to commute 4 hrs a day, plus work 60 hrs a week. We both hated that because we didn’t see enough of each other. I love his very short commute to work and he does too.
If we got an apt in town, it would be about $1500/mo or so, and that’s more than we want to pay for something we don’t own.
I am so irritated. This would be working out alright if those stoner morons could stop stinking up the damn house.
Post # 13
Ugh. I’d be high-tailing it out of there, with or without him!
Post # 14
@BrandNewBride: Lol, we’ve been together for 9 years (and spent 8 years with just the two of us in a clean, pleasant smelling apt). The shock of living with 3 stinky stoners is a bit much after all those years of it just being the two of us.
I wish we had said, “Don’t give a crap that you need help. Good luck” and had just gotten an apt.
Post # 15
You had to have known this when you moved in, right? While I agree that this must be SO uncomfortable (and gross), you also have to see it from their stand point and realize that this is their home and this is how they live their life. While it’s not how you want to live (and neither would I) if you can at least try to think of it from their point of view it may at least reduce your anger. Being angry and upset won’t help, and will only make the situation worse for you and strain SO’s relationship with his mom. The best course of action would be for SO to please ask them to maybe keep a “smoking” jacket outside/in the garage so that it won’t bring the smell in. In the meantime, you and SO make a plan to move within the next 3 months.
Post # 16
@JrzyGurl: I do have friends that have told me that I can’t tell them how to live, but I disagree that I shouldn’t have input. After all, before I moved in, I told them there is no way I could live in a house that smells like pot. I had never noticed any smells while just being a visitor, so I didn’t anticipate this being an issue. As a guest, I wouldn’t try to make them alter the way they live, but we are not guests; we are paying to rent a room (and paid $500 toward a $660 electric bill to prevent them from being shut off on October 30). They need us and our money, so they need to make sure I’m comfortable or we’re gone. I wish they would try harder.