Post # 1
Did anyone move into their husband’s house (or fiance or whoever) rather than get a new place together? I did this after we got married in April and expected some adjusting pains. For the most part, it is better than I expected, but challenging in some ways as well. He’s lived in his house for 7 years and already had it decorated and filled up. He has been working on getting rid of stuff (as have I) and is open to making changes down the road. Right now everything is a little chaotic after moving me in, but we’re making progress little by little. I’m trying to be patient and respect the fact that it’s a big adjustment for both of us as we’ve both lived on our own for years. I don’t want to come in and start making huge changes right away, but at the same time, I’m eager to see my influence in the house as well. My question is–has anyone else been in this situation and, if so, how long did it take before “his” house felt like your home as well?
Post # 3
I did this. We talked about buying a new place to have a fresh start together, but in the end we chose to stay in his house. It definitely was better than I expected, but mostly because he hadn’t done much real decorating, and wasn’t attached to much, other than a few pieces of furniture and pieces of art. We started by moving everything into the house and seeing where things would work. I had mostly newer and nicer furniture, so we ended up getting rid of more of his stuff than mine. Having a good amount of my things there, helped ease my transition.
Big things that worked for us? I learned what things were important to him, and didn’t mess with those. It means our furniture isn’t perfectly matched, but that’s ok. Also, we made changes over time. Obviously figure out what furniture will fit and such first, but I think it was a lot easier on my husband if I worked on a wall here and there, rather than overhauling everything in a week. I wanted to paint right away, but he was hesitant. One day he just saw some nice paint colors on TV, and it clicked for him. Making sure we were both on board with the change and the colors was more important than doing it sooner.
We’ve been married almost three years, and over that time, we’ve gotten rid of more stuff and purchased new pieces. Not having lived together before, it took awhile before we figured out how to use our space best for the both of us. Long story short, it was probably about 6 months to a year, before I felt like the house was “ours” together, vs. just his stuff and my stuff. We get a lot of compliments on how much more homey the place is now 🙂
Post # 4
I moved into my husband’s house after we were dating for 5 months. It was very akward in the beginning. He told me a million times I could put my stuff up and take his down and do whatever I wanted, but I still didn’t want to cross any boundries. Little by little, I felt more comfortable doing this.
It took a few months before his place felt like “ours.” We just bought a new house together though, and I’m very excited because now everything will be done together so it won’t be as hard.
Post # 5
@MerryC: Thank you for writing and sharing your experience! I’m encouraged to know it takes time, but that you were able to get to the point of making it a home for both of you. I’m learning I need to be patient with the process.
@artbee: I’m the same way–I don’t want to cross any boundaries. I am hopeful that I, too, will get more comfortable too! Congrtulations on buying a new house together! I hope my husband and I can do that at some point in the future as well and start fresh together.
Post # 6
My FH is planning on moving into my place come September. He has next to nothing, long story, moved out of his grandparents place in Jan after being back in town for a little over a year. I’ve lived with my mom since I was born so we’re both looking to adjust. Should be fun and interesting. Just go in with an open mind and be willing to try new things. Some things both of you may not like and that’s ok. If you keep an open mind, hopefully you’ll have a smooth transition. Good Luck!!
Post # 7
I moved into DH’s house when we were dating. At first I thought it would be strange, but it was actually really easy. I hated the way he had his bdrm decorated and he openly agreed to change it. We did it together, new paint, furniture the works. A lot of the other furniture we had was the exact same style (same maker and color) so we were able to easily incorporate the living rooms. We also remodelded the kitchen shortly after, so that allowed for me to put my touch on it. We have really similar tastes though overall so it wasn’t an issue to ask for the changes I would like.
Post # 8
I’m moving in with FI this month. He hasn’t lived in his house for all that long, a couple of years, so it’s not like he’s totally dug in and filled it up with stuff. I think the main challenge will be just getting used to living together and that we’re not 100% independent of each other anymore. One thing that’s making it easier for me is that we’re turning his spare bedroom into “my” room, not for sleeping but just so I can have my own space. It’ll be an interesting adjustment!
Post # 9
we got this new place “together” although I’m only there on the weekends. FI has been there for about 2 months by the time I move in with him at the end of the month
Post # 10
I moved into FI’s apartment after about 6 months of dating. It took a long time to feel like it was “our” place, but that’s probably due to him and his roommates living there for like four years. We were there maybe a year and a half(?) before we got an apt for just the two of us, and it was “ours” right away.
Post # 11
I did. He owned his own house and I lived in a small, downtown condo, and he has a large dog, so it made sense.
I have lived with my FI for 9 months now and I still kinda feel like it is his place more than mine, but through no fault of his. I can’t lie, being the fact that it was the house his ex and him chose and bought together is a bit daunting. But we both have changed nearly every room in the house with paint and all new furniture and all of my ‘modern’ girl touches are now mixed in with his worldly touches (tribal masks, and other stuff from places like Africa and Australia) so she is a very distant memory, but there is still stuff like….. flowers she planted when she lived there started growing and popped up in my garden, or the odd thing I find in the basement that is hers, etc.
We are an army family so I know this place isn’t forever and all the places after this one will be ones we choose together. I am kind of excited for that.
Post # 12
I moved into DH’s house about four months after we started dating. We painted the living room probably about two months before I moved in and I also rearranged the furniture in the living room before I moved in.
It was a fairly smooth transition. The hardest part was combining two complete households into the smaller of the two. We chose the smaller, which was his house, because I was renting and his house was paid for…economics…housing payment vs. no housing payment.
We chose what furniture to keep based on three things. We kept things we loved… We kept the highest quality furniture… We kept what would fit… We put some things in storage, and they’ve been there a couple years now, but they were pieces we couldn’t sell or haven’t been able to let go of for emotional reason (more on my part than his)… The longer they’re in storage, the easier it will be give up the emotional bond.
I rearranged where things were in the kitchen right away. I sorted through the cupboards, weeded out duplicates, and put everything where it was most convenient for me since I do almost all the cooking. Actually, I think I made that change about the third time I was at his house! LOL!
Some changes took longer…like getting the bedroom rearranged. But that was a room I had to convince him it would be better, because he’d have to move the tv mounted to the wall. Eventually, it got moved. I’m still working on getting more space in the kitchen by moving the refrigerator to the other side of the room, but that involves a plumbing thing (a thing DH is making more difficult than it need be.)
It really helped that DH didn’t have any real emotional attachment to the way the house was… I couldn’t get rid of his recliner, but I could do pretty much anything else. And I think it also helped that I was willing to take my time, to live in the house and figure out what worked for us.
It was an adjustment–no doubt–but we worked through it.
Post # 13
Technically we bought a ‘new’ house together, but it is totally, completely my partners house. 100% (he bought the house & is on the title deed/mortgage, I live with him and split bills). I really really hate it at times and never would have bought it myself were I the one making decisions independently.
That being said I have lived here for about 1.5 years, and it still doesn’t feel like ‘our’ house (‘my’ house? home?), mostly because we are still living like college students for the most part–transitioning from furnished apartments to an empty house takes time to fill up & is expensive oy! Not to mention a lot of the furniture that we have is his (or from his dad). There are a few new things that we have bought together that helped make it feel more ‘us’ but it is still really hard feeling comfortable/”at home” when I know that every wall, electrical wire, fixture etc is his & that he gets the final say (veeto power!) on decisions affecting the house.
I think when the house is all renovated, painted, decorated and spiffy it will feel more like home, our home, but by that time we will probably be getting ready to sell the place!
Post # 14
I moved into FI’s apartment after a year of dating. It never felt like “our” place, it felt like “the apartment” or “his apartment”. It was really hard. I felt like my belongings were shoved in a corner, even though he attempted to make space for me, it just wasn’t enough.
Not to mention that he had lived there with his ex (and his other ex before that!) and sometimes I felt like I was just filling a designated girlfriend space.
We’ve bought our own home now, and it definitely feels like it belongs to both of us. We chose it, we decorated it, it’s ours equally.
Post # 15
I moved in with DH officially after we were married. Of course, he bought the house a few months prior to our engagement, so I helped “set it up”, so to speak. My biggest pain is the MIL. She constantly says “DH’s house” and when she comes to visit, she thinks it’s a-okay to rearrange MY kitchen the way it “should” be.
Post # 16
@jayelcee85 that would drive me insane. It’s MY kitchen.