Moving across the country after wedding, therefore we don't want a lot of gifts

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

allinoelle:  If you know it’s a touchy subject you probably have read the threads where advice was given to simply not register. You can pass the information that you would prefer cash or checks by word of mouth or add it to your website.

Post # 3
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

allinoelle:  A small registry or no registry indicates to your guests that you would prefer cash gifts. If a guest asks you what you want, you can say, “We’re registered at Macys, and we’re saving for a down payment on a house.” Or whatever.

If you have read previous threads on this topic, you know that it is impolite to mention gifts unless you are specifically asked.

Post # 4
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

allinoelle:  To me this isn’t a touchy subject. I had no gift registries on my wedding website and mentioned that we were moving after the wedding to a small apartment. People got the hint and I had our in-laws spread the word that we loved Trader Joe’s so we got lots of grocery gift cards which was awesome.

Post # 5
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Obviously don’t register and have family and friends spread the word to those who ask why you don’t have one. I honestly think people will understand.

Post # 6
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee

allinoelle:  If you have a website, I think it would make sense to say the following:

Since A&B will be moving out of (area), they have opted not to have a registry. 

Post # 7
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My FI and I are planning the same thing, so I think we’ll ask people to donate to one of several causes we believe in.

Post # 8
Member
6891 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Unfortunately, there is no polite way to tell people you want money instead of a physical present. Gift giving is always voluntary and it is wrong to blatantly suggest, ask or act as if anything is expected.    

The only inference that people can properly take from the lack of a registry is that there is no registry.  Although all rare enough in and of itself these days, what it is refreshingly supposed to mean is that the bride is not thinking in terms of gifts or presuming to tell others what to buy for her.  

If you live in a community where a check is a common gift, you are likely to get checks either way.  If your guests are the type to pick out gifts, they may  do that with or without a registry.  That some connect a lack of a registry to a subtle hint for cash is etiquette turned upside down completely. 

If people ask where you are registered, the most your friends or family can say is that you have all your household necessities,  you are not registered, and you are moving and saving for a house.  Note that none of these are necessarily cause and effect to one another.  

Post # 9
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I didn’t bother with a wedding website and we haven’t registered because we’re moving to the UK in September (six months from the wedding til we move!) and will be getting rid of most of our stuff that we already have. My mom has spread via word of mouth that since we’re moving, we aren’t registering, and gifts aren’t necessary; but that we are going to need cash to cover moving costs.

We’ve also informed our out of state and out of country friends that we don’t want anything material and that their presence is gift enough for us. No one has considered it rude at all.

Post # 10
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

IMO, its not tacky to ask people not to bring a gift. It is tacky to ask someone to bring cash instead. 

So just include on an insert that you will be moving cross country soon and you appreciate the thought, but you would prefer people didn’t bring gifts. 

If people inquire, you can use word of mouth that you would prefer for gift cards to bed bath and beyond, or home improvement stores, etc. Then, after your move, depending on the persons sense of humor, you can thank them for the lovely blender/coffee maker/toaster 😉 that they got you for your wedding. 

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