- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
The good news is that I got my dream job!! The bad news is that it is on the other side of the country. When I interviewed for the position, SO said “I go where you go.” He is in school and said he can go to school anywhere. I am so excited and it is going to be amazing for my career and will be exactly one year and then I can move back to California!
SO was happy for me but I could tell something was up. I didn’t want him to martyr himself and move for me and later resent me for it. I strategically rented “Five Year Engagement” (I’ll leave it at that so as not to spoil the movie). It lead to a talk… SO said felt like he didn’t have a good choice- that he felt like he had to pick school (staying) or me (moving). He lost his high school sweetheart in a LDR while in the Navy and is worried/almost convinced LDRs just don’t work. I told him to think about it and either way we would figure it out.
Last night, SO said he wasn’t sure he wanted to move across the country for a year and he said he would before my interview because he thought that is what I would want to hear. He has a contract with his school that guarantees him admission into the masters program he wants as long as he finishes the prerequisite classes at THAT school. He doesn’t want to lose this automatic admission, credits may not transfer from a school out-of-state, he would have to pay out of state tuition, etc. He could have a job for a year but he said he doesn’t want to put off his education another year (he’s about to turn 29- he is an older student bc he served in the military before going to college). And I get that…
now I get to the waiting part… this talk included the future in general. We decided not to live together until we were engaged, so if he moved with me, he knew he needed to propose first. He will be staying in California and told me he would be more comfortable with a LDR if we were MARRIED. (what?!) We aren’t even engaged and he said we could get married in May 2013 but that it would have to be a justice of the peace wedding and he doesn’t know if I would like that. He said we could have a wedding for family and friends a year later. I think spending your newlywed year on opposite sides of the country sounds terrible! I said I would feel better about a LDR if he made a formal commitment (read: proposed). I suggested that we could get married when I moved back in September 2014 (even though deep down I have always wanted to have a spring/summer/outdoor wedding). SO said it would probably rain and didn’t want to wait any longer than May 25, 2014 like we had always planned on (our anniversary falls on a weekend that year so the date is very sentimental for us). I said we could make a new anniversary with new memories and that May already had my birthday and will have mother’s day (after I am a Mom) and it seemed crowded to add an anniversary as well. SO is VERY set on May 25, 2014. I thought maybe we could get married then and he could move across the country with me for 3 months? (It would be summer and he wouldn’t have classes for school). He said he doesn’t want to move across the country for 3 months and it would be hard on his pets. I said I’m not spending the first 3 months of our marriage without him so if he wants to get married that day he is moving.
SO wants to get married on May 25, 2014- fine. But we aren’t engaged yet! (and I don’t see it happening until March at the earliest, unfortunately). I told him venues will be booked already, especially weekends in May and June and we will have a really hard time finding an open venue by then. A lot of people get engaged over the holidays and have 18 month engagements and they will already have booked these venues. His solution was to look at and book a venue before New Years. I feel weird about booking a venue before we are engaged. I don’t know what to do.
Plus, my sister is engaged (and has been for 3 years). She is having her first baby in December and getting married “after she loses all her baby weight and another 20 pounds on top of that” and she is hoping this will happen by the summer of 2014. Nothing is official but she mentioned to me that she liked June 7, 2014 as a date to get married (I’ll be her MOH). ALL our family lives in Hawaii or the midwest/east coast and will have expensive plane tickets. I can’t imagine inviting so many overlapping out of town guests that close together and I feel like that’s practically forcing them to pick one wedding over the other and I would hate to do that. Another obvious point is that I am not engaged yet, so that is another reason why I wouldn’t want to book a venue before we are officially engaged and I can “claim” a date. Am I supposed to wait until Spring of 2015 and give my little sister summer of 2014? I’m not getting any younger and I don’t want to wait for my sister, I am having a hard enough time waiting for SO! SO and I don’t want to postpone our lives together bc my sister hasn’t gotten hers together. (and I say that as a loving sister and realize a lot of bees may grill me for saying that)
Even if that all worked out somehow, I don’t know how I would feel about planning a wedding from across the country and missing out on being together the majority of the time we are engaged.
I am just feeling really overwhelmed by it all. 🙁