(Closed) Moving… and I don’t want to

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll:
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Are they any jobs that are in his field, but maybe not at a university, in your area?  It seems maybe your job is more specific than his and he has a better chance getting work without detriment to his career than you do.

    Ultimately, you’re going to have to decide what is best for your family in the long run if that is the road you are going down.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think you guys need to have a serious discussion about all this.  Its a really tough position.

    What helped my SIL was that they agreed that he was going to be the “bread winner” per se.  So, everything the did as a couple was to further his career.  She obviously still worked, but her career didn’t take off like his did. 

    I think if you think long term, the move is probably a good thing.  It sounds like this could be a good long term job for him.  Yes, you’ll still have to work right now, but maybe over time you can be a SAHM. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    411 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I would also keep in mind the cost of living difference – by moving to a small town, you could very easily be a SAHM with only his wages. Also, look in nearby cities – even an hour away. If you can work from home for them, and maybe only go into the office once a week, it might be worth it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    503 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    What about just making cut backs? Getting a smaller place when you move? Maybe even filing bankruptcy? 

    Post # 9
    Member
    3176 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Yikes! A serious talk is a must. Will he be making more money that you make currently? As in is he the primary money maker? If not I don’t see the rational to move, even if its his dream job if you can’t live off of it then its not a good choice. Also from what you said it doesn’t seem like there is opportunity for you if you move but if you stay there is potential that something else could open up for him. I would have a serious serious discussion on this.

    Post # 10
    Member
    233 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I’m a little confused, because it sounds like neither of your current options are tenable. You both have to work to be financially OK, but you are going to move with him to TN?

    At one point, my parents lived in different cities for a bit when their situation was somewhat similar. No, it wasn’t the greatest thing ever but it paid the bills until one found a job in the city where the other one lived. I think it took a little over a year for this to happen, so it may be an option if you can stomach it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  Is there anyway for you two to live between his new job and a fairly good size city?  Maybe split the commute?

    EDIT: Also, I know this is difficult but would it be possible to do a long distance marriage until you can find a job down there?

    Post # 13
    Member
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @rplatzer: That’s what I was thinking as well.

    Depending on what language you specialize in, I would consider being apart for a short period of time so you have time to really figure out what your options are. Private instruction and translation are not the kind of activities that require an office, afterall. Could you see yourself doing freelance work? Working as an adjunct? Has your FI spoken to the new university about helping you transition?

    Post # 14
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    How about finding a job at hospitals or nursing homes?

    Post # 15
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I am sorry you are going through this.  Having a career you love in a community is really important for your morale and independence.  It sounds like you really need to take the time to “soul search,”  maybe make a list of pros and cons, and have a heart to heart with DH.  I have a feeling that things are going to work out, and you just need some support right now.  Maybe those schools will get back to you?  At any rate, you need to realistically decide together what is the best option for both of you.  Perhaps DH should apply closer to where you all ready live?  Is there nothing available for him?  Even if you have children, would you be HAPPY staying at home in rural TN?  Even if you could afford to?  Or would you need a social outlet to utilize the skills you have gained?

    Post # 16
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Another thought, you said that if you don’t decide to move to TN you will be in the same place next year- deciding what to do- maybe DH should continue to look for work in a place that offers something for BOTH of you.

    The topic ‘Moving… and I don’t want to’ is closed to new replies.

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