Moving away from family – tell me it'll be ok :(

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

@cbgg:  I haven’t lived within 3 hours of my family since I was 18. I also lived abroad for a year. I now live in a tourist town so my parents come to visit often and my brother worked here for the summer. I see my family once every 6 months and we talk almost everyday on the phone, text or facebook. What really helped my mom was posting a lot of photos while I lived abroad as we didn’t see eachother at all and didn’t talk on the phone because of the time difference. FH’s family is a 4 hour flight and the only time they will visit is for the wedding, but flights are a lot more expensive in Canada ($500 for the 4 hour flight). He only talks to them maybe once every two months. 

Living away makes you appreciate them more and value the time you do spend together. 

Post # 4
mswallabyBee
2070 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

@cbgg:  There is a huge benefit to moving away with your DH – it’s going to give you an opportunity to start fresh, to start a new life together. At first your heart is going to hurt – but it will get better, I promise. I live 3,000 miles from my family – a 5-hour plane ride, and different time zones – and we Skype all the time, talk on the phone all the time, we text each other, etc. When I do get to see them – usually 3-4 times a year – it feels like no time has passed at all. Meanwhile, here in Houston DH and I have been making new friends together. I think it’s a really special thing.

I know it’s even more different when you’re moving to a new country, because you miss your culture as well. We have some Puerto Rican friends from work, and they are just like you – about a 2-3 hour plane ride from home – but I know they had a hrd time getting adjusted to living here, because they really missed their Puerto Rican culture as well as their family and friends. They’ve made lots and lots of friends in Houston, mostly other Puerto Rican couples and families, and now (they’ve lived here about 5 years) when I asked them recently, they said they don’t plan on moving back – they miss their families, but they’re very happy here.

Good luck sweetie! Whenever you’re homesick, or just feeling down in general, lean on your husband – that’s what he’s there for. 

Post # 5
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I couldn’t do it. There’s absolutely no way. I have 4 siblings and we are all so close. I can’t envision any of us moving more than an hour drive away. Lots of people do it, but I could not be one of them. 

Post # 6
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

@cbgg: it WILL be OK, that much I can say for sure, but it won’t always be easy– and thats just the reality of it. I moved 3000 miles away from home several years ago and then moved again and am now only about 500 miles from home. It was tough, but people will miss you just as much as you miss them, so that helps keep the communication line open! People think I am crazy, but I talk to my parents in some form or fashion every single day… it helps me stay connected even if it is just a quick email. I also take pictures of everything and text it to my mom. It can be something as stupid as the food I just made or a shirt I just bought, but it makes me feel like she still is a part of the daily things. The good news is you’ll have a support system with your SO, and if you’re able to work the finances out, shoot to visit consistently every few months for a short weekend trip. 

 

ETA: The benefits of living away is that now I have the chance to really ” be me” without the hometown pressure of what I was. High school was rough, so it is nice to live somewhere and hang out with someone who doesn’t have an image branded in their head of you in 9th grade with headgear and acne, lol. Depending on where you’re moving to, I have found that a lot of people are really sympathetic to those who are away from their families and it is a permanent situation. So many of my current friends families know I am a ” transplant” and offer to let DH and I spend holidays with them, do family dinners and things like that.. your network will build up, but it just takes a little time!

 

Post # 7
Member
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

2 hrs flight and same time zone is totally manageable!

My family are all in london and im in mexico so its pretty hard to see them in person mor3 than once (or at a push twice) a year but we skype pretty much every day and keep connected via the internet

I missed them a lot at first but i see this as my home now. You need to really throw yourself into your new life, making friends abd putting down roots and then its easier nto be so homesick

Itll be fine i promise!!

Post # 8
Hostess
2920 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I just moved about 1000 miles away from my family, It’s tough at first but you will be fine! Just hang in there!

Post # 9
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@cbgg:  I moved about 500 miles from my family. I know to some that doesn’t seem very far but I was used to seeing them at least once a week before the move.

I’m not going to lie, it’s hard. I’ve had a tough time adjusting and miss them quite a bit. However, it was nice to get a fresh start and really be on our own. I feel like it made me grow up way quicker than if I lived close to my family.

I stay connected by calling, texting, using Facebook, and the occasional Skype. I usually talk to both my mom and dad on the phone at least twice a week. I usually Skype my brother a few times a month as well. My DH had also agreed to put money aside so that I can fly home every two months to see everyone.

I’m still struggling with settling down here and at this point I’m not sure if we will move back which is something else that I’m also struggling. However, I’ve decided to try to really enjoy being in a new place and I’m sure at some point I’ll see it as my home.

Post # 10
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I moved to Alaska to be with DH, so about 3000 miles away from my family.  We are all very very close, and I just absolutely love my three younger brothers.  My mom and I are best friends, too.  We are a military family though so we are used to moving and never really lived close to extended family so it makes it a bit easier.  We Skype, talk on the phone, and text pretty much constantly and they love coming up here to visit and I love spending some of the winters in California and Arizona.  It really has been a lot better than I thought it would be! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
3360 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

It’s for sure not easy, but you just have to make keeping connected with your family and visiting regularly a priority.  My immediate family all lives in Indiana, where I grew up, but DH and I will never live there again and will likely be moving to the west coast very soon.  It’s hard to think about being so far from my family (his is in FL, so we’ll be super far from them, too), but we’re committed to visiting multiple times each year and staying in each other’s lives.  For some people, it’s a definite priority to live close to family, but living far away doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t stay close to them emotionally and be involved in one another’s lives.

Post # 12
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It’s been a year and a half since I moved about 1000 miles away from my family with my husband.  It is a 2 hour flight away and a 16 hour drive and we are in the same time zone.  We moved because of better job opportunities.  My husband and I both grew up there and our families are both established there.  We are the only ones out here so that kind of sucks.  It is not as bad as it is just the two of us though. 

The move gave us a better daily quality of life and better financial security.  I was able to go down to part time at my job and husband has had some really great career advancements already that I’m not sure would have happened back in our hometown.  Because of that we are able to visit about 4-5 times a year for week long vacations.  That’s like a whole month of off days that we can spend up there.  It is way more than the days we had off when we were living/working there.  On paper, it’s a really good move for us.

We do miss a ton of things about back home.  This city is kind of a step down compared to where we are from.  We miss the down town, the food, our friends and family and all the other cultural/city activities that happen there.  Now that we have a baby on the way we are trying to figure out if this is a place where we want him or her to grow up.  This place isn’t as diverse as it is in our hometown.  I keep thinking about things like we don’t have any family to come to my baby’s birthday parties.  If we can’t leave town for the holidays it will just be us and baby won’t get to have that big family Thanksgiving or big family Christmas. Baby won’t get to be close friends with the kids of our close friends up there.  I don’t want my baby to feel disconnected and lonely down here.  Husband and I agreed that we will give this place a go for another 4 years and then decide where to permanently settle down.

It was a tough adjustment and honestly I don’t think that I’ve really accepted and tried to make this my home.  Because we visit so much I kind of feel like this is a place that’s temporary where we travel for work so I haven’t made much of an effort to find new friends.  Ever since we’ve been expecting though we’ve been putting more of an effort into setting down some roots.  Only time will tell…

Post # 13
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I moved away from my hometown after university. I’m now an hour’s flight from my family, I see them 2 or 3 times a year and we talk every week on the phone. I miss them more and more as I get older and would love to move back closer to them.

Problem – DH’s family live on the other side of the world, so wherever we choose to live, someone will be far from their loved ones. And he works away a lot so I spend a lot of time alone. We’re planning to go live near his family for a year or two and then move closer to my parents when we start our own family. 

It’s tough, but sometimes you have no choice. This is the beginning of your life together and is exciting. 

Post # 14
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I moved from NZ to Australia when I was 23 and had two and a half years in my own before meeting FH. Admittedly my brother & sister in law do live here but we don’t see them that often as they’re a 49 minute drive away and have their hands full with my niece and nephew. I won’t say it’s always easy, or that you won’t miss them, because I honestly do to think that part ever gets any easier. I miss being a five minute drive from my grandma in particular, and it sucks that she’s only met FH once. My advice is if your parents can use skype or FaceTime, make that your new normal. I LOVE it.  Actually seeing mum brings the immediacy that simple phone calls never quite made up for my first year here when I didn’t have a smart phone or computer.  I talk to mum 2-3 times a week, sometimes more, and because it’s over wifi we never have to worry about phone bills.  I still get to “see” home too, see the weather changing, see the view that I dearly miss. And they get to see me & FH too :). Hope that will work for you too 🙂

Post # 15
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I live in a different country than my parents and I’m an only child and incredibly close to my parents. When I lived closer (a 1,5 hour drive away, right now is a two hour flight or a 12 hr train ride) I’d come home all the time and I’d miss them as soon as I left again. I lived half way around the world from them for two years as well. Honestly, it made me grow up. I skype with them all the time – often several times a week. They visit me and SO twice to three times a year, and I go home once or twice a year. The time we spend together is much more valued now. We’re still very close. Don’t worry so much about the distance, you have all possibilities to stay in close touch. I don’t know how old you are, but starting over, making new friends and seeing yourself in a different context is a great challenge if you’ve never tried it before. It definitely strengthened my feeling of independence and belief in my own abilities. No, I can’t see them all the time, but that’s just reality. And as I said we’re super close. Don’t worry about it. Jump into it and give it minimum two years. If it’s absolutely horrible, nothing is stopping you and DH from moving closer to home.. or try at least…

Post # 16
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@cbgg:  When I got married I move to roughly a 12 hour drive/1.5-2 hour flight away. It’s been rough but we visit as often as we can and we talk on the phone a lot 🙂 It will be fine… For me the biggest thing I’ve ahd to get over is irrational fears of if something happens that I should have been there because somehow that could have stopped it and I’m slowly learning that if I’m there or not, I’m just as loved and what will happen will happen anyway… Good luck

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