Moving away vs sick mom….what would you do?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

cbgg:  This is really tough, and definitely NOT an easy decision.  But, let me tell you a quick story, which may ‘help’.  My mother got diagnosed with terminal cancer.  My sister was in the process of getting promotion after promotion in a HUGE company she is employed.  In between diagnosis, and things getting much worse, her next promotion was offered, which would move her a far distance – WITH a promise of being re-located back to her home town…eventually.  Obviuosly, she struggled between being ‘here’, and moving ‘there’.  Her gut instinct was to deny the promotion to stay and help take care of our mom (whom had been divorced from our father, so my sisters/she and myself were really close!).  

However, my mom’s INSISTENCE was that she HAD TO GO.  That not living her life would be far worse for our mom, than watching her get sicker.  She had help with us, and with family and friends.  My sister needed to live her life, and not let my mother’s illness stop her from doing so.  I think most parents would want the same thing from their children, and that is where I think your mom would want you to continue to work toward moving with your FI, as it will make you both happier.  Sure, that may mean keeping an emergency flight fund together, in the event you need to get home fast, but it is definitely feasible.   And, since she is not terminal, per your post, the best bet is she will bounce back from this, and have a long life ahead of her!

My mom eventually passed away.   My sister got re-located back to our hometown, with yet another promotion, about a month before her passing, and to this day has no regrets, because she knows she did what our mom wanted/needed her to do, and she was still there for her emotionally while she was gone physically…

I think you should talk to your mom 🙂  Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

cbgg:  Good question!! No, I really did not.  Sure, there were times where I thought “I wish she was here”, and I would tell her that, but I was never MAD, or UPSET that she had this amazing opportunity.  Heck, I would have had to go too if something were offered to me, ya know?!  

Helping care for my mom was never a burden…more of a labor of love, but please keep in mind that when I say that, what my mom ‘needed’ was minimal.  She was a strong, proud woman.  What I needed to do, for my own peace of mind, in helping her was my choice completely.  Therefore, I could never say “I had to do X, Y, and Z”, but rather “I wanted too”.  The flip side to that is my sister was jealous of the extra time I got to spend with my mom, where I may have been jealous that she was not privvy to everything, all the time.  Kinda two ways of seeing things!!  

I think if you are going to move, with your families support, it would be unfair for anyone to resent you for it…ya know??

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