Post # 1
In about 2 months, my SO and I will be moving in together and this is a first for both of us. Any advice from the Bees who have already braved the frontier of the combining of the things? (or the realizing how ridiculously ugly it all looks together? jk, we all know it’s his stuff that’s scary!)
Post # 3
@Zephi: We didn’t combine our bank accounts, but we have a separate joint account where we pay for wedding stuff together. In that case, we can both keep track of spendings while having our own money to spend.
It’s all about mutual agreement. Most arguements stem from money, not dirty socks laying around haha.
Good luck and enjoy the ride!
Post # 4
Make sure you know each other’s morning routines, so your toothbrush isn’t locked in the bathroom while he is showering, etc. Work it out, so you aren’t needlessly late to work LOL.
If you move something that belongs to another person, make sure to tell them where it is!
Come to an agreement now, about what needs to be done, and when. He may think the lawn needs to be perfect, you may think all laundry needs to be done daily. There is no “right” answer, so don’t fight about it, just come to a consensus and understanding.
You should both realize you will hate at least some of the other’s persons possessions. Either compromise or get rid of both things you hate, lol.
Spraypaint can solve some problems of items being the wrong color and not blending in!
Post # 5
Have separate bathrooms and a king-size bed. That’s all I’ve got.
Post # 6
@oneofthesethings: This made me LOL! My SO and I are both plus sized, and we fight over a full-size bed. It’s not a very good time! We do have two bathrooms, but we both get ready in the morning in the same bathroom… Fortunately we’re at the point in our relationship where we can jokingly fight over the mirror and the toothbrushes and that works for us!
OP, I would say just try to establish a routine together… And as a PP said, neither of you is ever “right.” Just try to compromise, and always be fair 🙂
Post # 7
Try as hard as you can to not let the irritating habits breed resentment. For months after we moved in together he kept leaving his frigging wet towel on the bed in the mornings. It. Drove. Me. Crazy. I mentioned it a few times, but he kept doing it. It’s small and I kept telling myself to just let it go–breathe, there’s no reason to pick a fight over something so silly. After he saw me calmly folding it and putting it back in the bathroom enough times he started to do it on his own and apologized when he forgot.
Also, make sure you laugh together during the process. He tripped over the ottoman you artfully placed? Laugh. You knocked over the precariously balanced pile of books? Laugh. Make new memories.
Post # 8
I would say if you’re thinking this is a step toward marriage/proposal, I would discuss all this before moving in.
Men many times will move in with a woman without any thought of it being a step toward marriage-it’s just more convenient. Women move in sometimes thinking the relationship is escalating.
You may have no thoughts of marriage, don’t know. Just giving ya my 2c. You may deserve change.
Post # 9
@gemgirl6: Oh no worries on that front. He’s proposing in about 7 weeks when he and his parents will be up here for my graduation. Then we’ll be moving me down and into his house, we’ve been together for almost 8 years and he’s already told his sister he’s proposing when he’s here.
@ArtDecoDC: We have some “ammunition” stored up for automatic laughs, mine is that he farted on me the first time we made out and his is that I knocked over a candle during my visit that ended up ruining a runner. Actually, come to think of it he’s got too much on me! Note to self: must find funny things on him. I know my pet peeve is that he never really shuts anything, not drawers/cabinets/wardrobes . . he’ll close the exterior doors and the bedroom door and that’s about it. Laughing is something we do really well, even if I do something mean like go through shutting everything behind him and count it I’ll end up a tickle victim or some teasing back which always ends with laughing and us calling each other boobs.
@oneofthesethings: @kendra389: I never really thought about the bathroom thing until you mentioned it. The past few years I’ve essentially had a bathroom all to myself but when I move it’ll be one split up bathroom for possibly 4 adults. (thankfully at least one of them maintains a really early morning schedule and the other two work in the evenings, no idea what mine will be for a bit) I think I’ll be keeping a toiletry bag and my makeup bag in the bedroom and just leave shower essentials in the washroom.
@kerensa: Does spraypaint work on ugly yellow couches that used to belong to his nana? jk, it’d be a nice couch if it could just get some cushion-yness back and maybe a new covering. Until I get a job my responsibilities are all the domestic ones, if I want a garden I have to maintain it (any tips on mowing straight lines? I’ve tried for three years and still can’t do it) but for the most part it’ll be a joint effort. Like whoever gets home first starts/makes dinner, the other person does the dishes. The laundry is where it might get fuzzy, I know it’s wasteful but I do a second rinse of my clothes because I’ve had really bad reactions to detergents in the past while he does his laundry maybe every other week.
@Scar_cats_tic: We’re doing a similar thing with the money! Joint account for bills, savings, groceries, emergency fund but separate accounts for the weekly allowances, gift buying (I’d really hate to buy him something only for him to see it online before I could give it to him), etc. I almost think this is the most important. It kind of establishes us as equal partners in the relationship and that we’re working towards the same thing not just along the lines of children and lifestyle but financially. This is the system my parents use and money is something they’ve never fought about, at least not that I’ve ever heard.
Thank you for all your responses! My SO laughed at some and it brought up some really great memories from our relationship. I love the advice.
Post # 10
@Zephi: I have the same issue with my couch, I am thinking maybe slip covers and a mattress topper (the foam kind? ) could maybe be used to get some springy-iness back. LOL
Post # 11
@oneofthesethings: Not sure about separate bedrooms…but definitely the king sized bed 🙂
We became a much happier couple once we got rid of the full size bed. We sleep a lot better with a our two 80lbs dog in it….ugh, I don’t know how we did it before.
Post # 12
Seriously, separate bathrooms. DH is the neater one , but his bathroom OMG. It’s like the big gapping porcelin hole is just a suggestion of where to aim!
Post # 13
@Zephi: I would make sure to establish some guidelines before you two move in to make sure the two of you are on the same page. And like PP said, I wouldn’t combine bank accounts or anything else like that unless the two of you are married! I would agree separate bathrooms are helpful and also an extra bedroom in case the two of you have a fight or need some space! 🙂 good luck and congrats on moving in together!
Post # 14
Moving in with my man was definitely a wake up call but after browsing through various posts on hear I see that I am definitely with the majority. At first it was fantastic and nothing bothered me too much, I was always just happy to come home to “our” house.
Once the initial shock and lovey dovey wears a little his annoying habits become more noticable (for me it was picking up after himself). I felt as if I did more of the house work (And I still do btw but I am ok with it now). Just make sure you have realistic expectations and remember that communication is key! If he does something that you truly and justifibly think is unfair to you then speak up. Otherwise just enjoy this new chapter of your relationship and use it to grow closer!
Post # 15
It is a big adjustment but worth it. FH is so messy, loves to pile things up, always forgets things, does not like to clean, etc. It has been a huge adjustment from living with one other girl and each of us having our own bathrooms.
Post # 16
Claim a space for your own. It doesn’t actually need to have a door, but you need to stake out a space that is just yours. We each have our own space for our times of ‘I love you, but I just need quiet time to myself’. Once you establish that space, you don’t have to announce that you need your time, and feelings don’t get hurt.
Pick your fights. The wet towel on the bed wouldn’t be worth fighting over for me, but for some people it is. I’d just pick it up and bring it in with mine. But if you’re going to choose to shut up about it and work around it, then it’s not fair game to bring up later.