Post # 1
I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and we will be officially moving in together July 1st! I love him and I am so incredibly happy with our relationship as of now, but I keep reading all this stuff online about how things change when you move in together. People online say how they had the most amazing relationship and spent all their time together but then moving in made them fall apart. I don’t think that will happen to me, but I’m sure nobody thinks that going into the situation!
Just wondering if you had this experience of things totally changing and how you dealt with it.
* Also, I’m 23 and my boyfriend is 23 (almost 24) we both have stable jobs for the past year and college degrees. Moving in seems like the next step since we’re always together anyway and would like to get married after making sure we can handle living together.
Post # 3
I think the most important thing is to make sure you get to spend some time alone. It’s tempting to spend all your time together, at home and when going out, but I find that you begin to resent the other person because of a lack of personal space after a while. You need time apart to have experiences you can share with each other and to maintain your separate friendships and other relationships.
Post # 4
Yeah moving in definently does change things alot! For me though we had been semi- living together at his old house so it was no major change that happened but happened so slowly I didn’t even realize things had changed until about 10 months into living together. Mostly it’s the fact that when your dating you make plans to hang out and go on dates and have fun and dont have to worry about full time everyday issue like grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, budgeting money, taking the car to the shop, working etc.. whereas when you live together you have to deal with those everyday things as a couple. So my advise is to make sure to keep up date nights, having fun and trying new things like when you were first dating so you have a nice balence between work and play an dont fall out of touch or get disconnected. This is something we both still have to watch out for as we’re both busy and have alot going on but still love livin together and know how to get back in touch if we haven’t been able to spend time together. Being able to live together and share a life is so much more awesome and deeper than just dating in my opinion and I love that!
Post # 5
@alohakay: I would say just keep in mind that living with someone has a learning curve. There are things you will do that annoy him, and things he does that will annoy you. Every relationship has challenges and conflicts and they shouldn’t always be avoided – that means that someone just isn’t speaking up. The most important thing is how you deal with those conflicts and challenges and trying to make disagreements turn positive with compromise.
I am trying to think of an example. When my FI and I first started dating, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other when we got in the door. However, that generally wasn’t after work, it was during times we dedicated to seeing each other. My FI is a very cuddly guy and used to get mad that I wouldn’t want to do that right after work – I need some time to myself. My point is, there are little surprises that come up and you just have go in with an open mind and learn to adapt.
Post # 6
Congrats on moving in together! My FI and I moved in about 18 months after we started dating at about the same ages as you too. It seemed like the logical next step because we spent tons of our free time at each others’ apartments and just ended up sleeping over between the 2 apartments. It worked out well because we’re obviously engaged now, but I absolutely believe that couples will learn more about each other after they move in together. You’re going from living separately with your own budgets and lifestyle to living together and having to maintain a place together, cleaning it, planning budgets, and just being around each other constantly. Some of these things that you learn will be good things, and others may be not-so good. The key to staying together and ensuring this doesn’t affect your relationship is continuing to communicate. So if you don’t agree with how the grocery budget is being spent, talk about it. Or if you want a certain layout for your living room but your SO wants something else, talk about it. And if you don’t like how he does the laundry, tell him and find a constructive solution together.
So my perspective is that you will learn more about your SO by living together, and these lessons may change your relationship depending on how you both handle them. Because my FI and I were so open with each other, our relationship became even stronger after moving in. Keep communicating with your SO and keep an open mind, and you’ll be just fine 🙂
Post # 7
@alohakay: Moving in was great for my relationship. Of course there were a lot of ups and downs in the beginning as we got used to living together (*we were dating long distance prior to living together so were adjusting to that as well). One of the most important things, IMO, is to remember its ok to have alone time as well. Just because you live together now doesn’t mean you need to do every single thing together. Its ok to go in another room and read a book or something while he watches TV, etc.
Post # 8
There is definitely a learning curve to living together. SO and I moved in 5 months after we graduated college (we’d been together 4.5 years), so not only was it our first time living together, it was our first time living on our own (not including living in dorms at college).
You’d be amazed at the things you have to sort out. Even little things like which laundry detergent will you use.
As PPs have said, make sure you get some alone time in. SO and I had a problem with that. I didn’t really have friends in the area, so we did mostly everything together. He felt bad leaving me alone, so he didn’t do much on his own either. We moved to Boston 6 months ago, and it’s been a lot better, as I’m in grad school, making friends, keeping busy. We have our together time and our alone time, and it works really well.
Also, you’ll have to learn how to deal with arguments differently. You can’t just leave, because you live together.
It’s definitely been a great experience for us. We’ve been living together for 2.5 years and are very happy together.
congrats and best of luck!
Post # 9
My advice would be to remember how much you love each other whenever things get a little tense or strained and try to laugh it off as much as possible. These situations WILL occur but the important part is that you work through it TOGETHER. Approach potentially upsetting conversations with kindness and a genuine desire to fix it as a team. The first few weeks or month definitely took some work but if you’re both willing, it will get better and you’ll settle into a groove.
Some people may tell you to create a structured cleaning plan, that wasn’t necessary for us but we learned early on that we are both pretty much on the same page when it comes to level of cleanliness. He questions the WAY that I clean certain things, and I do the same to him, but in the grand scheme of things… who cares?
Money, get that sorted prior to moving in together. How will you split living expenses? Who will look after paying the bills? These ones are important to have settled ahead of time.
Post # 10
Thanks for the advice ladies! I am just so anxious because I want this to work so badly! We have figured out all the money issues that need to be covered (i think!). We both are very excited and have been waiting for this. I agree that it is really important to plan date nights and fun things together as well as alone time once we are living together. I just need to make sure that I hold myself to all of the things I say I’m going to do.
Post # 11
That is so exciting! Congratulations! The best piece of advice I could give would be to “choose your battles” whether it is decorating, bill paying chores. Pick and choose what you make a “fight” of. While it may seem tempting to let him have it every time you pick the sponge out of the sink to put it on the ledge where it belongs, that might not be something worth causing an argument. If he really is dead set on a certain shower curtain, reconsider, it can be leverage when you want to pick something more important, like the couch. Make sure you are on the same page about money, and expectations of upkeep, and everything will be okay!