Moving in b4 engagement?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3948 posts
Honey bee

@MissBlessedOne:  Have you and your boyfriend talked about a timeline for marriage? You both should be on the same page and know that an engagement is on the way.

Post # 4
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MissBlessedOne:  Can I be honest? It sounds like you’re comparing this guy to Mr. Wrong…on everything. I know that’s natural to do to an extent, but you mention Mr. Wrong like 15 times and your current guy twice. Be careful not to get caught up thinking about bad relationship that you miss out on positive things about this one.

Post # 5
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Your SO is not Mr. Wrong.  But I get it, you’re afraid of the same thing happening if you live together.  You say that you’re almost positive that he would propose soon after – have you guys discussed engagement in concrete terms?  I think what would help is if you were honest about your fear and asked if he could give you a definite timeline for proposal after you guys move in together.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t move if you are this concerned about the engagement.  What’s wrong with living apart for now until you’re both sure of things?  Unless you have a timeline for marriage, I wouldn’t move in.  Besides, the “waiting” gets so much harder when you’re living together and that has a tendency to bring out the ugliness and bitterness in the relationship. 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

Move in, enjoy living together and let him propose when he’s ready. Marriage isn’t really that important and it doesn’t change much in a good relationship. The most important thing is that you love eachother and have a mutual commitment. That’s not a ring or a wedding, it’s how it feels inside.

Post # 8
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My advice, as someone who DID move in with their SO at 6 months and is now a month (or sooner, squee!) away from engagement after 14 months living together: do a trial. Trial living together for a couple of weeks. If it goes well, try actually living together. IMHO living together should be a natural progression of a relationship, not a massive and sudden change (I know some will disagree with me on this).

SO and I weren’t going to move in together until we’d been together a year. I had a 2 week holiday from uni (lived on campus) and stayed with SO for the 2 weeks. And never left 😛

May I ask how old you are? (You’re definitely older than me, I’m a young’un!) I’m guessing 24, 25 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

@alsgirl:  + 1: just try and error. It’s fun but can also be hard (sometimes:))

Post # 10
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

DOnt move in. Wait for the proposal, otherwise you can get stuck and wait loger for a commitment.

Post # 11
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

6 months is REALLY early to move in with someone. I wouldn’t reccomend it especially if you’re hoping for a proposal and haven’t clearly discussed that with your boyfriend.

Post # 12
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@MissBlessedOne:  I moved in with my FI after 6 months with the understanding that we were taking a step toward marriage. We got engaged last Sunday. It worked out for us but I was VERY hesitant to take the chance, mostly because of stories here on WB about guys who are never ready to propose. I think you should move in with him to see how it works, but maybe on a trial basis as a PP said. I lived at home prior to moving in with FI and it was comforting to know that if it was a total disaster I could always go back. I don’t know if I would’ve taken the chance had I been forced to give up my apartment or something. Trust your instincts.

Post # 13
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I moved in with my Fiance after 8 months of dating. I too was unsure at first, because like you I was with my ex and had lived with him for close to 4 years and nothing came of it. So I was scared the same thing would happen again with my now fiance. We saw each other priobably about 3 times a week, it probably would have been more had it not been for the fact that he lived a good hour and half away and our schedules were crazy. Anyhow, I knew I wanted to be with him and spend every waking minute with him so we moved in together. He popped the question about 9 months later. I am so happy we decided to live together. It gave me a better insight as to what he was really like and what married life couild be like too. I love it and have no doubts about it now.

Post # 14
Member
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@mnp:  +100. See that on these boards all the time.

 

Post # 15
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MissBlessedOne:  We moved in together after seven months of dating (in Nov. 2008), as FH’s lease was up and I was unemployed struggling to make rent at the time. At the time it was out of financial necessity, and we knew that we would get engaged eventually. 

Cohabitation prior to engagement is a true test of how marriage will be, IMO. We’re huge supporters of it.

Post # 16
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

We moved in together after dating 2 1/2 years and were engaged about a year later; he did drag his feet a little on the timeline, but we discussed everything before we moved in together:

When we wanted to get married, how the relationship was over if an engagement did not come in a certain timeframe, kids, finances, how we’d handle chores – everything. And it worked out beautifully. About two years later, I’m now married.

Moving in together before a proposal can be a wonderful way to know what you’re getting into – before you start planning the wedding (I’ve known brides who get engaged, get into planning, move in together…then realize that even though they’re not ‘thrilled’ with the relationship, they’re so captivated by the wedding and thinking things might change that they plod on ahead anyway).

 

I decided that if my husband didn’t end up marrying me – that was ok. I was moving on, breaking up with him and moving out. But I was at least taking a chance on the relationship and letting the intimacy between us grow – which I felt WOULD motivate him to propose.

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