Post # 1
My SO of six months asked me to move in with him. Yay!!! I’ve been anticipating him asking, but now that he has I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea. We already spend about half of the week together. It would be more but I’m a nurse and work night shift. He has never lived with a gf before me and I had previously lived with my ex (we’ll call him Mr. Wrong) for almost five years. Mr. Wrong never asked me to marry him. Even though he was always the one to say “WHEN we get married” or “WHEN we have children”. I’m worried that if I do move in before a proposal SO will get comfortable and our relationship will never progress to marriage. Granted he’s a totally different person than Mr. Wrong.
The relationship with Mr. Wrong started in high school and we just got comfortable in our relationship even when we should have ended it way sooner. He was also very controlling of me and would prevent me from trying to leave him. As we got older though he changed his ways and that’s when we started talking of marriage. Well he ended up cheating and the relationship obviously ended. I was devastated to say the least. Mostly bc he was all I knew as an adult. I had to find a new place to live, purchase furniture etc for my house, and we shared a dog together which made it almost impossible to move on. I know now that the Mr. Wrong wasn’t a good relationship and was not what God had planned for me. My SO is fantastic. He is everything I could ever want in a man. I know for a fact that he is the one for me. I thought I knew before with the ex, but this is a whole nother kind of love. I want so bad to live with SO. We get along so well and he is literally my best friend. He shows me love like no one ever has before. I’m almost positive that SO would not hold off on proposing if we were living together. Just cause he doesn’t seem to be the commitment phobe that Mr. Wrong was. Please help me bee’s!!! I don’t want to up root my life again to move in with someone just to waste another 5+ years of my life waiting for a proposal that’s not going to happen.
Post # 3
@MissBlessedOne: Have you and your boyfriend talked about a timeline for marriage? You both should be on the same page and know that an engagement is on the way.
Post # 4
@MissBlessedOne: Can I be honest? It sounds like you’re comparing this guy to Mr. Wrong…on everything. I know that’s natural to do to an extent, but you mention Mr. Wrong like 15 times and your current guy twice. Be careful not to get caught up thinking about bad relationship that you miss out on positive things about this one.
Post # 5
Your SO is not Mr. Wrong. But I get it, you’re afraid of the same thing happening if you live together. You say that you’re almost positive that he would propose soon after – have you guys discussed engagement in concrete terms? I think what would help is if you were honest about your fear and asked if he could give you a definite timeline for proposal after you guys move in together. Good luck!
Post # 6
I wouldn’t move if you are this concerned about the engagement. What’s wrong with living apart for now until you’re both sure of things? Unless you have a timeline for marriage, I wouldn’t move in. Besides, the “waiting” gets so much harder when you’re living together and that has a tendency to bring out the ugliness and bitterness in the relationship.
Post # 7
Move in, enjoy living together and let him propose when he’s ready. Marriage isn’t really that important and it doesn’t change much in a good relationship. The most important thing is that you love eachother and have a mutual commitment. That’s not a ring or a wedding, it’s how it feels inside.
Post # 8
My advice, as someone who DID move in with their SO at 6 months and is now a month (or sooner, squee!) away from engagement after 14 months living together: do a trial. Trial living together for a couple of weeks. If it goes well, try actually living together. IMHO living together should be a natural progression of a relationship, not a massive and sudden change (I know some will disagree with me on this).
SO and I weren’t going to move in together until we’d been together a year. I had a 2 week holiday from uni (lived on campus) and stayed with SO for the 2 weeks. And never left 😛
May I ask how old you are? (You’re definitely older than me, I’m a young’un!) I’m guessing 24, 25 🙂
Post # 9
@alsgirl: + 1: just try and error. It’s fun but can also be hard (sometimes:))
Post # 10
DOnt move in. Wait for the proposal, otherwise you can get stuck and wait loger for a commitment.
Post # 11
6 months is REALLY early to move in with someone. I wouldn’t reccomend it especially if you’re hoping for a proposal and haven’t clearly discussed that with your boyfriend.
Post # 12
@MissBlessedOne: I moved in with my FI after 6 months with the understanding that we were taking a step toward marriage. We got engaged last Sunday. It worked out for us but I was VERY hesitant to take the chance, mostly because of stories here on WB about guys who are never ready to propose. I think you should move in with him to see how it works, but maybe on a trial basis as a PP said. I lived at home prior to moving in with FI and it was comforting to know that if it was a total disaster I could always go back. I don’t know if I would’ve taken the chance had I been forced to give up my apartment or something. Trust your instincts.
Post # 13
I moved in with my Fiance after 8 months of dating. I too was unsure at first, because like you I was with my ex and had lived with him for close to 4 years and nothing came of it. So I was scared the same thing would happen again with my now fiance. We saw each other priobably about 3 times a week, it probably would have been more had it not been for the fact that he lived a good hour and half away and our schedules were crazy. Anyhow, I knew I wanted to be with him and spend every waking minute with him so we moved in together. He popped the question about 9 months later. I am so happy we decided to live together. It gave me a better insight as to what he was really like and what married life couild be like too. I love it and have no doubts about it now.
Post # 14
@mnp: +100. See that on these boards all the time.
Post # 15
@MissBlessedOne: We moved in together after seven months of dating (in Nov. 2008), as FH’s lease was up and I was unemployed struggling to make rent at the time. At the time it was out of financial necessity, and we knew that we would get engaged eventually.
Cohabitation prior to engagement is a true test of how marriage will be, IMO. We’re huge supporters of it.
Post # 16
We moved in together after dating 2 1/2 years and were engaged about a year later; he did drag his feet a little on the timeline, but we discussed everything before we moved in together:
When we wanted to get married, how the relationship was over if an engagement did not come in a certain timeframe, kids, finances, how we’d handle chores – everything. And it worked out beautifully. About two years later, I’m now married.
Moving in together before a proposal can be a wonderful way to know what you’re getting into – before you start planning the wedding (I’ve known brides who get engaged, get into planning, move in together…then realize that even though they’re not ‘thrilled’ with the relationship, they’re so captivated by the wedding and thinking things might change that they plod on ahead anyway).
I decided that if my husband didn’t end up marrying me – that was ok. I was moving on, breaking up with him and moving out. But I was at least taking a chance on the relationship and letting the intimacy between us grow – which I felt WOULD motivate him to propose.