(Closed) Moving in together!

posted 5 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
1544 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Depends where you are at in your relationship…

have you discussed marriage?

I moved in with my Fiance (boyfriend at the time) after a little over a year and a half together. We moved out of state because he got a job. We both hated the state we lived in and were looking for our ticket out and we found it.

Marriage was coming but we just werent ready then. We were sleeping together already. I did get some grief from my sister about how i’ll never get engaged if i move in with him (granted it took 2 years but that wasn’t why)… and my mother didn’t seem to care too much that i was leaving and when i asked her i got the “well your not married” line.

If marriage is your next step and thats what you both want then theres nothing wrong with it. Its right for some and not for others.

If God was against cohabitating then he wouldn’t have given him that job offer at just the right time and in an area where we could actually afford an apartment – while in our home state we’d still be living with our parents. I firmly believe God knew we needed to mature and get out on our own. Theres nothing wrong with cohabitating before the ring so long as marriage is your next intended step.


Post # 4
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Fiance and I didn’t consider it until it was clear that we were forever. Our requirements were: engaged, a church booked, and pre-marital classes complete. It needed to be a purposeful next step and it is working out great.

Most other christians (including family) were understanding because we were engaged and were respectful about it. They would not have been cool with it if we were not engaged and hadn’t made progress towards marriage.

We were sleeping together before. That had no impact on our decision.

Post # 6
43 posts
  • Wedding: November 2012

I moved in with mine just a few short months after meeting. Right from the beginning we were talking marriage and that it would happen one day.  After we had been together a year I began waiting and waiting.  At two years I started getting mad at him for not proposing. Finally he proposed after 2.5 years. I know that might not be long but when you have already talked marriage and you are 33 and still want kids you need a timeline.  So with that said after the 1st year I questioned if I should have moved in with him.   I cook, clean and do his laundry and thought had I not been doing that maybe he would have been trying to tie the knot sooner.  He is not a user but most often men get comfortable and see living together as being “enough.”  If you are still in your 20’s I wouldn’t rush it if you are waiting for the proposal.  If you decide to make sure there is a plan place and you both agree on a timeline.

Post # 7
1524 posts
Bumble bee

How did it impact your relationship?

we are great it has its challenges cuz there is no where to run wen they drive u crazy but other than that its amazing actually we have improved soooo much because we had to completely disclose everything to one another.

Were you already sleeping together?

We have a 1year old so ummm yea lol

How did your family and other Christians respond?

Pretty pissed at first but when they realized it wasnt a fly by night relationship they were okay with it…Although they are pushing us to get married ASAP

Post # 8
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Kacey23:  My fiancé (boyfriend at the time) and I lived together for 4 months one summer while he was working in town.  Other than that, we’ve been living apart. 

Living together indefinitely is not something I personally wanted to do because I don’t like the idea of blurring the lines between dating and marriage. I like feeling like our marriage will mean a new phase in our life together and that something has visibly changed.  We’ve usually been living in separate cities, so when we visit we stay over at each other’s place, sometimes for a couple weeks at a time.  I have a pretty good sense of what some things would be like when we get married.  Again, this is a personal choice for me, though, and maybe I’m a little bit romantic that way.

Depending on your community you might get some negative feedback. Many people are against it, this is something that you have to decide for yourself. 

Post # 9
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We didn’t move in together until after getting engaged. I think if you are wanting to save yourself for marriage, then you should probably not move in together until after the wedding.

Post # 10
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We moved in together when it was clear that we were getting married.  However, it makes abstenance SO MUCH harder.  We are dedicated though and cannot WAIT for May to come!!  We are READY for this engagement to be over.

I VERY much fear what others think and I do think that we are judged in our Christian community.  But, we know that the rule of not cohabitating is a man made one.  If we are not sleeping together, than we are not sinning.  So even though we’re not good with man, we are good with God. 

Post # 11
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We moved in together after getting engaged, having premarital counseling and having a lot of our wedding plans nailed down. We made sure that we were both serious and sure about each other and the relationship was going somewhere.

 Yes, we had already been sleeping together at that point.Family and friends were very supportive for the most part.

 Oddly enough, my mother’s boss found out (he’s a strict Baptist) and felt the need to voice his opinion about it being inappropriate. Other than that, not much was said be any one about it. I think it’s because we made our plans VERY clear, we were well on our path to marriage at that point, with no plans of turning back.

Post # 12
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I was curious as to what the big deal is about living together when some ppl on here have said they were already sleeping together. Does that not also count as a sin? I’m totally not judging. I just come from a relationship where I had a similar situation, and it was something I always wanted to say to those who did judge us. I guess my question is, isn’t sleeping together changing the way you have now seeded your relationship/marriage with one another too? Maybe even more so than living under one roof?

I come from a non-denominational household, getting married to a CRC. It was a big deal that we lived together when we did. We are engaged now, but weren’t when we cohabitated. Which brings me to another question, I wanted to be engaged as much as the next girl, but isn’t it weird that we think of living together or not, as a factor in getting proposed to? I wouldn’t want the ultimatem to dictate my fiance’s proposal. It should be organic I think.

In all honesty I would just love the POV’s because I grew up so differently, and I do find a lot of understanding with them.

Post # 13
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@bee1804:  You are correct that the Bible speaks of sex outside of a marriage relationship to be sin. 

Living together outside of marriage is strongly discouraged for Christian couples — even if those couples are not sexually active — because Scripture tells Christians to avoid even the appearance of evil and also to not cause another Christian to stumble. By living together outside of marriage, a Christian couple may not only tempt themselves or each other to compromise sexually but also may give the wrong impression to others, some of whom may be weaker in their faith and wrongly influenced by the first couple’s behavior.

Post # 14
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 My SO and I have decided to not live together until we are married. We feel it is best for us and keeps us on the right track. My family is EXTREMELY conservative and even more spiritual and living together is a big no no (my mom’s favorite quote is “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free”.) I have to say while I am not a strict as them when it comes to the dos and don’ts of Christianity I agree that living together and anything else’s that married people do should be postponed until after marriage.

Post # 15
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think this is one of those cases where you can definitely cause another Christian to stumble and that is something we need to be concerned about.  That’s one of the reasons Darling Husband and I were very clear that we were sleeping in seperate bedrooms when we spent weekends at each others houses before being married.  We didn’t broadcast it to everyone, but we kept it discreet around non-Christians and made sure our Christian friends knew the deal.

Of course, if you’re sleeping together, then it’s a whole other story.  I do think it can be very confusing, especially on new Christians, to see a couple doing it though.

Post # 16
23 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t recommend it for a few reasons… It is sin to have sex before marriage and even if you intend to remain celibate while living together it’s sort of like volunteering yourself to work at a bakery (when you’ve got a serious sweet tooth) while youre on a strict diet. It’s a little bit of torture!  If you’re significantly attracted to your guy, there shill be too much temptation to just give in And it just might make you miserable. Celibacy is hard enough, esp after the engagement!

Also, I’ve lived with a boyfriend before and promised to never too it again for one simple reason… Other than having a certificate of marriage and the wedding, what else is there to differentiate your lives after that stuff is done?  I know that seems obvious but the way I see it is you get to have this awesome celebration and then a honeymoon maybe and then you go back to regular life?  The discovery is over?  I know that sounds mean but I really think that marriage should be an adventure of a ton of new discoveries, including odd morning habits. 

Ok that’s my two cents. I hope I didn’t offend, but more than that I hope some of what I said was helpful. 

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