moving in together- how long does it stay hard?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
362 posts
Helper bee

We rarely fight to begin with and moving in wasent hard for us, it was awesome!  The hardest part was about a year after living together having to learn to keep things interesting and exciting and live together on an everyday basis while still having fun and stuff.  So in my experience it will not likely get easier, although you may feel better once your more in a routine 

Post # 4
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

my fiancé and I moved in together about 8 months ago … we’ve had two ‘fights’ in that time.  both were basically just deep discussions about things he did that made me feel disrespected.  He apologized, I forgave him, we both cried, and we felt so much closer afterwards.   we never fight over small things.   Hope things work out for you <3

 

Post # 5
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@daynalenore:  I’m seven months in to living together.  (we waited until we were married)  The first three months were VERY hard.  Now, it gets a little easier each month.  Hang in there!  I think it probably takes about a year.  

Post # 6
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’ve lived together for three years and have never had any problems.

Post # 8
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It’s always a give and take thing. We’ve been living together for over 3 years now and I still find he does things that annoy me and I do things that annoy him. But all in all, it does get much easier. Once you guys settle on the big things (money, who does what chores, what is expected of each person) than everything else seems small.

The main thing that helped us was a mutual respect. He knows better than to say stuff like “that’s stupid” if I want to turn the lights off when we leave a room. He’s said things like that a few times and it really upset me so he doesn’t do that anymore. I try to give him the same respect when he wants to do things that I don’t think are necessary.

You’ll find that “picking your battles” is a real thing. It’s not worth it to argue over it if he uses too much detergent in the washing machine or if he always leaves the toilet seat up.

I can’t say we’ve ever had all out battles about living together. It probably helped that he moved into my house that I bought at first. So he was very respectful about it being “my” place even though he lived there and paid rent. Now that we own a house together, we’ve just been used to living with each other already and he’s still very good about respecting my crazy OCD things around the house (making the ends of the pillow cases face each other when he makes the bed. lol)

I hope this helps even a little. It’s always hard, like I said, there will always be something. But try to keep an open mind and respect each other and it should continue to get easier. Don’t take anything too personally. It’ll just drain you.

Post # 9
Member
3778 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We didn’t move in together until after the wedding.. and it really hasn’t been difficult at all. We have minor spats once in a blue moon over stuff like dirty dishes or dirty clothes.. but nothing big. 

What is it exactly that you’re fighting over? is it different living styles or differences in personalities?

Post # 10
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t have any great advice.  DH and I did not have any trouble moving in together. We were just so happy all the time.   I guess one thing I like to think about is “do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?”

Post # 11
Member
11740 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It wasn’t hard for us at all – no big fights, just disagreements that we talked through before hand (I like to throw things away and he likes to collect everything). 

Just talk everything out, and try not to end every fight in tears!

Post # 12
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

SO and I moved in together 8 months ago…. And the first 3 were definitely the hardest.  not because of chore stuff, because we more or less decided on how the “work” will work before we moved in, but more because we were both fiercely independent and living alone before and were trying to figure out how to manage expectations of alone time vs together time and just feel comfortable saying what we want without fear.

Post # 13
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We together for several years until we moved in together, but it was pretty blissful once we did. The little things that we bickered about before actually dissipated once we lived together since our life streamlined and unified.

Are you guys fighting about relationship matters, or about things roommates would argue over? (Ie dishes)?

Post # 15
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

it was chaotic for a month, but then we went back to normal.

Post # 16
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@daynalenore:  What kind of stuff are you guys fighting about?

We definitely fight sometimes, but not any more/less than before I moved in. In our case, we practically lived together for a REALLY long time, and he had been wanting me to move in for so long, it was actually amazing when I finally did. 

Our apartment is tiny, and there are definitely times we get on each others nerves. i think you just need to roll with it, and pick your battles. For example, one thing that makes me NUTS is that BF will buzz his face, and leave tiny hairs all over the sink! So yesterday while he was at work and I was at home I texted him “I miss you! Good thing I have a sink full of beard to keep me company!! :)” and left it at that. He totally cleaned it up when he came home, and it was nbd. If anything ever actually REALLY bothers either of us, we definitely talk it out and try to acknowledge that it is important to the other person. 

 

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