(Closed) Moving in with his family??? HELL NO – but is this the end?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wait your paying rent for a house he owns?? His proposal is sending up a bunch of red flags to me be cautious hun this doesnt sound right at all especially since he is wanting to take all your pay checks and make the house payments. I understand wanting to pay it down but that basically puts you under his control money wise. I wouldnt be ok living with his family but thats just me.

Post # 4
1716 posts
Bumble bee

No money towards his house until you are on the house note/lease.  $600 for one room, would be totally out of the question in my area. I don’t know how rent is in your place, but that would seriously make me laugh out loud. I can get a one bedroom for $450 here.

But seriously for me, my name not on a lease would be a total deal breaker.

Post # 5
4676 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If your money is going towrd the morgage, in any way, you should be put on the deed! 

Post # 6
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012


Fuck that.

Post # 7
18 posts
  • Wedding: April 2013

If he is still paying off the mortgage and you move in, then I think it is fair that you contribute a little. If the house is paid off, you should only have to contribute to bills. I wouldn’t be paying anyone money (family, partner, property manager or otherwise) towards a house without some kind of binding tenancy agreement written out.

Post # 8
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Don’t let him put all of your money towards the house payment unless he is willing to put you on the deed.

Post # 9
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I see a couple of issues here.  The first is that it seems he wants to take advantage of you and overcharge you for a room.  I don’t know what the housing market is like where you live, but the three bedroom/one bathroom house next door to me is renting for $450 a month.  No way would I pay $600 for a single room.  What he is charging his sister is a little more reasonable, but perhaps a little low.  You didn’t mention whether or not he would be living in this house.  Is he trying to get the entire mortgage paid every month for him?  Your $600 + his sister’s $300 + something from his parents would pretty much equal my mortgage payment.

The second issue I see is that he blows up when discussing money.  This is a very, very, very big red flag to me.  An adult should be able to discuss these things without thowing a temper tantrum.  In fact, I think he’s acting like a child about this whole situation.  He sees a way to make his life easier, your comfort be damned.  I wouldn’t stand for it.  Of course, my first husband was an overgrown manchild who frequently pulled crap like this.

Thirdly, he wants to take your paycheck and put it towards the house without putting your name on the deed?  Your entire paycheck?  I don’t freaking think so.  This is also a huge, honking red flag to me because this sets you up to be dependent on him.

Post # 10
206 posts
Helper bee

I agree with pps: You should be on the deed if you are making house payments.

Post # 11
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

That is so wrong. I say don’t go for it. $600 is WAY too much for a single room in a share house. He’s ripping you off. Also once you’re married you shouldn’t be paying the mortgage unless you’re name is on the house. That’s BS.

Post # 13
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Totally agree with pps!!  Also, 600$ toward a room would mean you get your OWN room not a shared husband and wife room right?!…probably not!

Post # 14
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah even in NYC, I wouldn’t pay 600 for one room in a house with 5 people unless it was in a super desirable neighborhood. Does he live there too? It seems like you two are old enough and mature enough to get your own place, he can continue to help his parents while you guys live alone and his sister cares for them. If not, then you should both move in together and you should only pay for half of one room. 

Post # 15
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

WHAT? No. No. And if I didn’t say it before…NO! It would be one thing if you two were co-owning the house (instead of the parents) and contributing to the mortgage.  But this is more like he’s subleasing a room to you.  Ridiculous!

Post # 16
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This is weird. You’re his fiance, and he wants you to pay double the rent as people that don’t own the house, and he wants you to pay the mortgage without having your name on the deed?

Uh, no.

It seems to me the solution here is that he works out a payment plan with his parents and they buy out his half of the house, and you and he get your own place. Living with him and his whole freaking family while you wait for his parents to eventually die is not a reasonable long term living situation and he’s a dope for even suggesting it, much less insisting on it. 😀 

It sounds like you also need to have serious discussion about  your joint finances, and if he’s not willing to discuss and compromise, then that’s a problem.

The topic ‘Moving in with his family??? HELL NO – but is this the end?’ is closed to new replies.

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