Post # 1
Bees I’m so excited that Im moving in with my FI- this month! I waited until we set a date, and now that that’s done…move in time! We’re replacing a lot of furniture, including a gorgeous new upholstered bed as well as painting all the accent walls fresh colors. He’s really let me go nuts with redecorating which I appreciate- time to get his condo from bachelor to maritial!
I spend thurs or Fri through to Monday here regularly, so there shouldn’t be surprises about habits but does anyone have advice on how to adjust to being lover roomies? I’ve never lived with a partner before- we’re expecting a transitional period (how long did that last for you?)
thanks wise bees!
Post # 2
MrsBuesleBee: Congrats! I waited to move in with my FI till we were engaged and planning as well. We decided it was best to stop paying for my rent and save that money for a rainy day instead so…. I got to move into our beautiful house 9 months early!
To be honest, we didn’t have a transition period… things just moved along very nicely! Just take things very easy, give each other space, if you have a little bump, just remember it is perfectly normal and you will be just fine…
Post # 3
MrsBuesleBee: Congrats! My FI and I have lived together before for awhile now and I love it! My advice would be to make sure you keep regularly scheduled date nights; we let them fall to the wayside at first because we were now “always together” but it’s still important to go out and have a nice evening!
Post # 4
How fun! I’ve been living with my FI for awhile now, and while it was definitely an adjustment, it was easier than living with some of my college roommates. I agree with PP, try to go on real dates every other month (or more!). It also helped for us to decide who does what chore wise, so that less arguments arise. If something isn’t clean, we know who it falls on. And even when we lived in a small one bedroom, we had our own space to go to when we needed alone time, or needed to walk away from arguments.
Good luck! It’ll be great 🙂
Post # 5
My husband had his own place and I stayed there at least 3-4 times a week before I moved in, so I thought the same thing as you: “I already know what it’s like to live with him!” WRONG. At least for me, it was way different when it was “his” place versus “ours”. And both of us had to adjust. When I used to stay there I would make dinner everynight because I felt bad about staying for free…but when it was my place I assumed we’d split the cooking (he did not, and assumed I would do the cooking because I “love it”). And both of us had very different ideas of what “clean” was (and I cared a whole lot more about how clean things were when I had to live there!).
No matter how compatible you are, and how great your relationship is, you will have disagreements, and fight for the first while. That is totally normal, so the best I can say is be ready for that, and know that it will just take some adjustment and compromise on both your sides. Communicate, communicate, communicate. And don’t be afraid to take time away, even just a walk aroudn the block. I think if you’re prepared for that you’ll be a step ahead of the game.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 6
congratulations! 🙂 I’d just reiterate that it’s perfectly normal for it not to be all puppies and rainbows for the beginning period. But that’ll wear off and it’ll be amazing!
we used to fight so much! But I couldn’t imagine how I ever lived without him now 🙂
Post # 7
MrsPiggles: hopefully my situation will be as easy as yours! And yay for waiting to move, I’m so glad I did. Waiting till marriage seemed too overwhelming to me though!
julesbeeb: thats solid advice thank you! I love date nights 🙂
CeeceeBee: thanks, I like the zone idea! He definitely is clueless when it comes to kitchen cleaning but the bathroom is all him!
sara_tiara: thanks, its good to have a reality check! I figured thered be butting heads as we figured out our living systems. We can both be stubborn and really have to work on when and where to dig our heels in. Hopefully we can both speak up about what we need to be happy.
Post # 8
LeopardPrintBee: thank you! We used to get soooo deflated over fights and really had to conquer our idealism- and realize… spats are normal ! Especially when youre in such close quarters. It took awhile to accept that a spat over unloading the dishwasher does not mean were in a doomed relationship lol.
Post # 9
No real advice, from living with my ex I would say that compromise will be key. lol. Other than that I just wanted to say YIPPEEEEEEEE HOW EXCITING! 🙂
Post # 10
The best thing I would suggest is to not go crazy with the decorating. You’ve got the new bed, now stop. It’s not YOUR home. It’s both of yours. You need to adjust to the change in space, as does he. Taking over the house is a really good way to start fights and resentment. Live in the space for a month or two, and if there’s something you hate, talk about it.
The other thing is communication about division of labor. Talk about it, figure out who is better at what chores and get that sorted. And understand that may shift and change as needed. For example, if I’m working late a lot, he picks up my slack around the house. And if he’s traveling a lot for work, I do his housework.
Post # 11
sara_tiara: +1 on the cooking… ugh!! so annoying lol
Post # 12
MsBeer: thanks 🙂
MariContrary: that is a good point, I definitely dont want thim to feel steamrolled, but uhh.. too late? lol. He is VERY excited about the redo though and has been involved and on board with every decision and purchase, and is even making us a custom double desk by hand! Its a mutual project but it was so important to me emotionally. I couldnt deal with just trying to fit into his condo, it needed to feel like ours. Especially considering his decorating motif could only be described as… nautical pirate winecellar bachelor “chic” ? I didnt even know there were so many shades of turd… errrr brown but he sure did find em all! We are keeping lots of pieces but the especially billiard-y bro ones are going to storage for his future mancave. His mother gave us a generous engagement gift to use for furniture and redecorating, its really a dream that none of it is a financial strain for us.
MeandMyLouboutins: luckily I truly do love cooking, and when Im sick of it hes pretty good himself. And when were both sick of it… theres a few reliable take out spots in the neighborhood!
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House
MariContrary: Agree with your second paragraph completely.
Communicate what is expected of each of you. Just cause you’re there doesn’t mean you do all the cleaning AND laundry AND cooking (for example). If you communicate it early, there’s less to get frustrated and fight about later.
Post # 14
MrsBuesleBee: Trust me, I feel your pain here! When my fiance and I moved in together, he had a hideous bachelor pad. I totally thought he was on board with the changes, until he looked around and went “but where’s MY space?”. And I realized I had totally taken over. So we talked about it, and we figured it out. Sometimes, you’ve just got to let something ugly slide.
Post # 15
You get to go home to your best friend each night! That’s the best part.
Respect his boundaries & you should be fine.