Post # 1
In about three weeks, I will officially be moving in with my boyfriend! We couldn’t be more excited! However, I will give you some stats to give you a better idea of the situation:
-We have been together 2 years, planning an engagement for the fall.
-Both graduating college in May, post-grad jobs lined up.
-Moving in with his parents to save money until we can afford a house.
-His 25-year-old sister still lives there, and there is only one shower. (Uh oh.)
-We get the whole basement to ourselves, and it’s actually really nice. We have had a wonderful time together working on it and getting it fixed up.
-I get along very, very well with his family, and both of our families are incredibly supportive.
So some of my concerns, and what I need advice on…
I grew up pretty much without either of my parents around and practically raised my little brother. While most of my friends are trying to learn how to live independently of their families, I have always been independent, and have no idea how to live with a family!
Another small concern is that I eat SO DIFFERENTLY from them. They love pizza and donuts and pasta and I am more vegetarian/vegan. So that will be different. Other than that, I am not anticipating any issues, and I’m looking forward to it.
Any other bees out there brave this kind of situation? Any advice for moving in with a family or just living with your SO? Any words of wisdom are much appreciated!
Post # 3
@aquarius_91: I would set ground rules right away. Like let them know you will be responsible for buying/paying for all your own food, and that they’re not expected to cook for you or provide you with any take-out.
I would also have your FI have a chat with the parents about boundaries… like the basement is your space, so knock first etc. It sounds so obvious, but since it’s their house and you’re presumably going to be living there rent-free, they might still treat it as their house.
Re: the bathroom I would ask the sister when she prefers to shower, and then make sure you do the opposite. The last thing you want to do is piss her off, and I know if someone started taking my bathroom away from me, I would be PISSED.
Post # 4
DH’s ex lived with him and his mother a long time ago. Apparently there were constand arguments between the ex and his mom regarding the kitchen and how things worked, were stored, were washed, etc. The ex apparently always said, “well in MY house we…” and it ticked his mom off to no end.
So I’d recommend figuring out the lay of the land in the kitchen, esp if you’ll be cooking your own vegan meals.
Post # 5
@canarydiamond: The bathroom thing is definitely huge. Luckily both his mom and sister go to work much earlier than me, so we should be okay with showering, but I plan on always showering at night. But ground rules are definitely a good idea, I will be taking that advice!
@littlemisst08: Yeah, that’s truly my biggest concern. They very rarely cook and are super laid back on me coming in and doing my own thing, but I still want to make sure everything is very clear once I’m there. Especially since we plan to be there for about a year and a half.
Post # 6
@aquarius_91: We have lived together the past two years, with 2 cross-country moves for his job under our belt. One of the moves put us within 5 minutes of his family. They are wonderful people and I truly love his parents and sister…but even them just stopping by could be too much for me. They’re all very close and would see eachother all day at the family business, then after work would want us all to hang out. It was very overwelming.
I’m not close to really any of my family and actually was “adopted” by family friends at 16, so the concept of THAT much time together is foreign to me. If I couldnt handle seeing my BFs very very sweet family 3x a week, living with them would probably drive me over the edge.
As far as living together advice, I’d say first and foremost to go into it understanding that you will see completely different sides of eachother than you’re used to. Good, bad or ugly. My BF turned out to be even MORE awesome than I thought when we moved in together: he is a chronic cleaner/neat freak who loves picking out decorations with me and cuddling 24/7. He, on the other hand, got the short end of the stick: I am hopelessly cluttered and despise doing chores. He’s taken it in stride, though, and its not a sore point. My point is, you really truly do not know someone until you live with them.
Post # 7
Honestly, this sounds like my worst nightmare, especially if you’re not used to living with other people. Being independent and having a home with your SO would be much more important to me than having to buy a house right away – you’re not even out of college yet! Where’s the fire? What’s wrong with renting an apartment for a while?
Post # 8
@badabing88: Exactly! They are all super sweet and I really feel blessed to call them family one day…but it’s so different living with people than just visiting. It’ll be a change for all of us. My thinking is it will definitely be a challenge, but hopefully one that will strengthen my relationship with my SO even more than it is already. But I don’t plan on it being sunshiny all the time.
Especially because they are always around ALL the time, and I need a lot of space. So I plan on finding even a tiny corner to call my own. My guy and his dad want to clean out an area for me and build me a desk, so that’s nice.
Thanks for the advice, it really does help!
Post # 9
After my mom passed away my brother and his wife and their three kids moved in. The cooking thing… is a big deal. You may want to buy your own veggies/fruits. My SIL cooked for crap (the deal was they moved in and paid no rent but cooked dinner).
The other thing is the laundry. Get used to people leaving it sit in the washer or the dryer. you can try .. but just sit the wet stuff on top and put your things in. When you get your stuff outof the dryer stick their things in on light fluff so no shrinking… (HUGE blow out about that)
There were 6 of us using one bathroom, brother and his wife used the master. Keep your towels in your room, families just tend to grab what’s there.
That’s about it. It’s not terrible I promise lol …. we had a ton of fun and are all really close. Those were the major hiccups
Post # 10
@oneofthesethings: It’s kind of something we’re testing. Our hope is to save up for a little home because the property value here is so low, and we really could get something nice for a very low price, and about the same cost per month as an apartment.
However, if it proves to be too difficult and we need to get a place sooner, an apartment is still an option. We’re just waiting to see how it goes for now. It would be a year or two before we moved out.
Post # 11
@HisIrishPrincess: That’s very good to hear! I have heard both horror stories and success stories, but I’m trying to go into it realistically to have the best possible experience.
Good point about the laundry thing, I have been wondering about that myself! I am going to try to observe their natural routine and fit in wherever I best can.
But wow, five people moving in…you must be a saint! 🙂
Post # 12
@aquarius_91: oh my gosh. I can’t imagine a family that very rarely cooks! I eat out maybe 2 times per month! I think I would die. Lol
Post # 13
@OnceUponATime: I know!! But I have slowly gotten my SO to cook more, and so they’re a little more interested in it. And they do have family dinners every Sunday night. BUT I think they’re going to think I’m insane with all my cooking/baking/green smoothie making haha.
Post # 14
My SO lives at my place at my Mom’s house. We live in the basement as well. We have our own bathroom and soon to be kitchen though.
I suggest bringing up the diet issue with them and discuss how it can work for both of you. Don’t be judgy of their diet habbits. Maybe have a little fridge/kitchenette appliances in the basement to keep some groceries seperate?
Something my SO does is if he has an issue with my Mom, he tells me, then I bring it up to my Mom because he isn’t comfortable. lol. Maybe talk to your SO about what to do in those situations
Also, make sure you have privacy and they respect it!
Post # 15
@aquarius_91: I’m sure they will adjust. Perhaps you can get a mini kitchenette for your basement floor? Mini fridge, microwave.. like a little college dorm kitchen. Only now you can have a toaster and george forman grill! It might be nice to be able to have a snack or little lunch in peace without someone walking by and saying, “mmm, that looks good! Can I have a little bit??”
Post # 16
@memo: Clearly you and I were on the same brain wave-length when we posted!