Post # 1
We’ve only been together for just over 5 months. Things have been good so far. We spend a lot of time together, usually just on the weekends.
I live about 30 minutes away from him, and am down to see him every weekend usually.
I am 24 and he is 28, we both have full-time jobs and have lived on our own for several years.
He keeps asking me to move in with him. And a couple weeks ago I found out that my landlord would like to terminate my lease. So I have a decision to make.
I was thinking of moving back to the city before this all happened. The same city my SO lives in. I do really like it there, I am closer to friends and family and there is so much to do. Plus the living options are more plentiful.
Where I live now, it’s expensive and I feel quite isolated. My family doesn’t come to visit me and I don’t have any friends here. We could also spend more quality time together, instead of feeling rushed on the weekend to spend time together.
Moving in with SO would mean a longer commute for me (45 minutes versus the 20 minutes I have now). Which sucks big time, but currently I do have more free time for myself, but no one to spend it with. So I do feel a bit isolated where I am now. Right now I can’t even meet up with a friend after work for drinks or dinner. I could even check out a festival or concert during the week. Staying where I am, I would have to drive 30 minutes or more and then feel tired from working all day, so I don’t usually get the chance to visit with friends.
But in the city there are buses, and I could easily visit a friend or go get a drink with them after work.
So I don’t know. I guess people have me afraid hearing all the horror stories of people moving in too soon with their SO.
What do you guys think?
Post # 3
For me? When there’s a ring involved, at the very least. But I know I’m old fashioned.
ETA: make sure you’re not doing it because you’re lonely and want to live closer to friends. That isn’t the best reason IMO
Post # 4
@sarabee: You know it’s right when you don’t have to ask, I guess? The situation came up where moving in together would be mutually beneficial. For us, we were already commited, had already (vaguely) talked about how we’d probably get married sometime after we graduated, and we were living in seperate cities (he was in our college town, but I’d graduated the semester before and moved back in with my parents)
In our hearts and minds, moving in together just felt right.
Post # 5
For me it was when we made a ‘forever’ plan. I think you should be together at least a year but as long as you have either a forever plan or a breakup plan then do what’s right for you.
Post # 6
We rushed our a bit, but it had to happen, he was still living at home and his mother and him had a large falling out so he moved in with my family. It was a little too early, like we had only been dating for 5 months, but we had known each other almost a year and hung out at my family’s place in our spare time as it was. We moved out to our own place the follolwing May and have been very happy.
Post # 7
@sarabee: You know it’s right when you want to spend every night together!
Now, 5 months is a bit quick, but you sound like you’re both responsible adults. And you can always move out if you find you’re not liking it.
I’m the totaly opposite of the bee’s who say they’d need a ring before hand. I’d never marry anyone i didn’t live with first.
My only advice, is, if you can, to find a new place together, as opposed to you moving into his existing place. Sometimes it’s hard for guys to let their girls re-arrange stuff and make it feel like home. Cause we girls, we like to nest and what not. And then it’s exciting for both of you to make a new home together.
Post # 8
@sarabee: I’m conservative and cautious by nature, so I’d wait. I personally didn’t want to move in with anyone if I thought there was a good chance I’d ever have to move out. So for me that pretty much meant we both had the intention to marry eventually (even if we weren’t engaged yet).
This is the right decision for me because I have a problem with inertia. I tend to stay in relationships long after their expiry date becaue I’m too scared/lazy/full of excuses to break it off. I can’t imagine how much harder it would be to make that decision if our lives were entangled in living together, so it seemed like something I shouldn’t do if I weren’t sure this was the person I was planning to marry.
Post # 9
@sarabee: I would agree to a “trial” move in for a month, with the option of staying until you get married and have beautiful babies!
But DH and I moved in together after 6 months when he got relocated for his job, and I went with him (leaving the place I owned!)
Post # 10
Pretty sure I was moved in at about the 3 month mark. That said, I’m 34 and he’s 42, so maybe it’s a little different. I wouldn’t have moved in if we weren’t already talking very seriously about getting married. He knows there’s a timelimit and I won’t be a live-in girlfriend without a ring for long.
Post # 11
@sarabee: All those reasons your listed certainly makes the decision to move to the city look like a really good one. I’m a city person myself and I think it’s good to be a twenty-something in an urban enviroment, even if it means a longer commute. But for us to determine if it’s the right time for you to move in together, we need more info!
You didn’t mention an important part! How’s your relationship? What’s the longest period of time you’ve spent together? Are you committed/exclusive? Any talk of engagement/marriage? If so, is it more hypothetical or is there some kind of timeline? If it didn’t work out do you have the financial/social resources to move out, or would you be stuck!
Ha, lots of questions!
Post # 12
My SO moved in with me around 5 months, we got a dog at 9 months, and we moved out of state together at one year even though I always thought it would never be a good idea to even move in with someone prior to a year of dating. Then four years to the day we met he proposed. In 4.8 years the worst we have to report is the initial compromises needed when you move in with someone…like who’s stuff goes where or the importance of him replacing toilet paper. I think you just have to make the decision that is right for you at the time. The good news is that if you are not happy with your decision you can always do something to fix it.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
For me, I always look at the economic side of things. My parents were against me living with my SO (at the time), but they couldn’t argue when I told them that I was saving a lot of money in rent.
Are you two ready to share the financial burden of living together?
How much would you save by living with your SO vs. renting on your own vs. living with roommates?
Is your SO open to the idea of opening a joint account for joint expenses such as: rent, utilities, groceries; etc.
If the two of you are thinking of getting a mortgage together eventually, living together would be a good trial to see how you two fit in each other’s living space.
I highly recommend living together — despite my own cultural traditions wagging it as a taboo. You learn a lot more about each other. There isn’t going to be a perfect time; eventually, the two of you would be comfortable enough to be with each other, as long as there is mutual trust and respect.
Post # 14
@sarabee: I think if you are hesitant it may be a no go. My timeline is drastically different than most people since FI and I sleot at my place 5 to 6 nights a week by week 3 and lived together officially around 2 months enagaed at 4. But there was 0 question with us. It was right and barely warranted a discussion. Only you know whats right. Have you ever lived with a SO before? Do you feel like it will truly be your home and not somewhere you are a guest?
Post # 15
@MrsVandykins: I agree with you on the finding a new place for both of us. We are planning on getting a 2 bedroom apartment. He currently lives in a bachelor and I am renting someone’s basement. So it would definitely be a change for both of us. We’d have our own separate rooms to have some alone time and also our own space, but we could also choose to be together if we want.
It might seem like room-mates, but I like the idea of having my own space. We have trouble sleeping together as he moves around a lot and I have to go pee during the night, so we both end up waking each other up.
We would be sleeping separately during the week and together on the weekends when we can always nap later in the day if we don’t get a good sleep.
Post # 16
@sarabee: Honestly I think if you are not sure, better to live apart. You can still stay in the city if you want to be close to friends/family. Since you have not known each other long, I would advise waiting to move in with him. Do you feel like you know him well enough? What if it is not working for you? Do you have a back-up plan?