Moving in with your SO…when do you know it's right?

posted 3 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

For me? When there’s a ring involved, at the very least. But I know I’m old fashioned.

ETA: make sure you’re not doing it because you’re lonely and want to live closer to friends. That isn’t the best reason IMO

Post # 4
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@sarabee:  You know it’s right when you don’t have to ask, I guess? The situation came up where moving in together would be mutually beneficial. For us, we were already commited, had already (vaguely) talked about how we’d probably get married sometime after we graduated, and we were living in seperate cities (he was in our college town, but I’d graduated the semester before and moved back in with my parents)


In our hearts and minds, moving in together just felt right.

Post # 5
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

For me it was when we made a ‘forever’ plan. I think you should be together at least a year but as long as you have either a forever plan or a breakup plan then do what’s right for you.

Post # 6
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We rushed our a bit, but it had to happen, he was still living at home and his mother and him had a large falling out so he moved in with my family.  It was a little too early, like we had only been dating for 5 months, but we had known each other almost a year and hung out at my family’s place in our spare time as it was.  We moved out to our own place the follolwing May and have been very happy.

Post # 7
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sarabee:  You know it’s right when you want to spend every night together!

Now, 5 months is a bit quick, but you sound like you’re both responsible adults. And you can always move out if you find you’re not liking it.

I’m the totaly opposite of the bee’s who say they’d need a ring before hand.  I’d never marry anyone i didn’t live with first.  

My only advice, is, if you can, to find a new place together, as opposed to you moving into his existing place.  Sometimes it’s hard for guys to let their girls re-arrange stuff and make it feel like home. Cause we girls, we like to nest and what not. And then it’s exciting for both of you to make a new home together.


Post # 8
5162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@sarabee:  I’m conservative and cautious by nature, so I’d wait.  I personally didn’t want to move in with anyone if I thought there was a good chance I’d ever have to move out.  So for me that pretty much meant we both had the intention to marry eventually (even if we weren’t engaged yet).  

This is the right decision for me because I have a problem with inertia.  I tend to stay in relationships long after their expiry date becaue I’m too scared/lazy/full of excuses to break it off.  I can’t imagine how much harder it would be to make that decision if our lives were entangled in living together, so it seemed like something I shouldn’t do if I weren’t sure this was the person I was planning to marry.


Post # 9
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@sarabee:  I would agree to a “trial” move in for a month, with the option of staying until you get married and have beautiful babies!

But DH and I moved in together after 6 months when he got relocated for his job, and I went with him (leaving the place I owned!)

Post # 10
6958 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

Pretty sure I was moved in at about the 3 month mark. That said, I’m 34 and he’s 42, so maybe it’s a little different. I wouldn’t have moved in if we weren’t already talking very seriously about getting married. He knows there’s a timelimit and I won’t be a live-in girlfriend without a ring for long. 

Post # 11
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@sarabee:  All those reasons your listed certainly makes the decision to move to the city look like a really good one. I’m a city person myself and I think it’s good to be a twenty-something in an urban enviroment, even if it means a longer commute. But for us to determine if it’s the right time for you to move in together, we need more info!

You didn’t mention an important part! How’s your relationship? What’s the longest period of time you’ve spent together? Are you committed/exclusive? Any talk of engagement/marriage? If so, is it more hypothetical or is there some kind of timeline? If it didn’t work out do you have the financial/social resources to move out, or would you be stuck!

Ha, lots of questions!

Post # 12
7 posts
  • Wedding: August 2014

My SO moved in with me around 5 months, we got a dog at 9 months, and we moved out of state together at one year even though I always thought it would never be a good idea to even move in with someone prior to a year of dating.  Then four years to the day we met he proposed.  In 4.8 years the worst we have to report is the initial compromises needed when you move in with someone…like who’s stuff goes where or the importance of him replacing toilet paper.  I think you just have to make the decision that is right for you at the time.  The good news is that if you are not happy with your decision you can always do something to fix it. 

Post # 13
2057 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

For me, I always look at the economic side of things. My parents were against me living with my SO (at the time), but they couldn’t argue when I told them that I was saving a lot of money in rent.

Are you two ready to share the financial burden of living together?
How much would you save by living with your SO vs. renting on your own vs. living with roommates?

Is your SO open to the idea of opening a joint account for joint expenses such as: rent, utilities, groceries; etc.

If the two of you are thinking of getting a mortgage together eventually, living together would be a good trial to see how you two fit in each other’s living space.

I highly recommend living together — despite my own cultural traditions wagging it as a taboo. You learn a lot more about each other. There isn’t going to be a perfect time; eventually, the two of you would be comfortable enough to be with each other, as long as there is mutual trust and respect.



Post # 14
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@sarabee:  I think if you are hesitant it may be a no go. My timeline is drastically different than most people since FI and I sleot at my place 5 to 6 nights a week by week 3 and lived together officially around 2 months enagaed at 4. But there was 0 question with us. It was right and barely warranted a discussion. Only you know whats right. Have you ever lived with a SO before? Do you feel like it will truly be your home and not somewhere you are a guest?

Post # 16
1233 posts
Bumble bee

@sarabee:  Honestly I think if you are not sure, better to live apart.  You can still stay in the city if you want to be close to friends/family. Since you have not known each other long, I would advise waiting to move in with him. Do you feel like you know him well enough? What if it is not working for you? Do you have a back-up plan? 

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