(Closed) Moving in

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Breathe. Go somewhere peaceful. Go alone. To a nearby park…lake…go for a drive in the country where no one else is around. Clear your mind of anyone else’s “wants”. Instead, ask yourself the following question and answer it aloud, immediately, without holding back:

What is it that I need out of this situation?

Let yourself ramble, just keep talking aloud. Don’t stop. Whatever you answer first is the answer. That is YOUR gut feeling, uninhibited, and PURE TRUTH.

Now.

Whatever the answer, you need to pick yourself up for the woman you are and give your answer to whomever, asking them to please respect your decision, whatever it is, because you are asking for their love and support at this crucial time. It is then upon THEM to GIVE of themselves, and ACCEPT. YOUR. DECISION. If they do not, you say thank you very much for listening and you go until things cool down.

Further…one last bit of advice:

This isn’t the first time you’ve been stuck having to choose between something else and your fiancé, is it? Sure enough, you’ve an earlier post with a similar thought process of having to choose between what you want for your wedding and what you fiancé wants. What, in your life, is causing this repetitive dichotomy? Or rather, what is it that you are doing to allow yourself to be placed in such a position, where, yet again, you are being forced to be on polar opposites of a decision? Figure out the pattern for yourself so that it doesn’t keep happening.

Good luck and many blessings!

Post # 4
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Micaela10: I really cannot offer any advice, as my family and his are pretty open, and understanding. A rather bad thought comes to mind, but I don’t want to come across as mean. I’m the oldest sibling in my family, and my mistakes were known to them, and I regret my choices because of that fact alone. But, life isn’t perfect. Your parents are trying so hard to shelter their children from the real world. My parents tried that and boy did I get a rude, rude awakening. But I admire your strength and desire to be the big sister, and be their role model. I’m sorry that you have found yourself in the middle of a very heated idea. I hope things work out. Life is never easy, at some point we all find ourselves torn. I wish you the best of luck, and if you believe in the power of prayer, pray. What is meant to be, will be and what is not will not. 

It may sound silly, but I leave a lot up to God. So far, he’s led me on the path of happiness. I have been fortunate enough to go on a second trip to see my boyfriend and spend an entire week with him. This, at my being broke… and just getting my tax return at the right time. So I strongly believe what God wants will happen. Sorry, not trying to preach just speaking from personal experience with prayer and God.

Post # 5
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Micaela10: Honestly, I suggest you wait until after the wedding to move in with him. 56 days isn’t that long.. It’s practically two months. To me it’s just not worth upsetting your parents to the point where they could possibly cut off all connections with your siblings. This obviously means a lot to them AND your fiance but your fiance should understand and respect the way your parents feel. They DID raise you and I’m sure they love you very much. Your fiance needs to calm down a bit and relax. It’s two.months. It’s not 2 years and it’s very doable. I know it’s difficult, my parents are actually the same way. They don’t believe you should live with a man until your married. I disagree with this but I love my parents more than anything so I’m willing to wait until my fiance and I get married to live together. See, my parents were ALWAYS there for me, they raised me, put food on the table, loved me, cared for me enough to keep me in line and most of all they did they best they could to make sure I grew up successfully. I would never throw my relationship with my parents away for anyone. They have been there from the beginning.

My fiance would just have to understand and if he couldn’t, then theres a big red flag right there.

Post # 6
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@MrsPinkBONBON: <– She said it way better than I could’ve.

Post # 7
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You know, I am all about living with someone before marriage.   I don’t know many people who don’t do that anymore, BUT in your case, I don’t think I would do it with only 50+ days until the wedding.

If it was 6 months before, they would have had time to process it and move past it.   Right now, it will still be fresh and taint how they feel about your wedding.  I would move your stuff out of storage there, stay there a lot, but refrain from “officially” moving in.    You and your FI will know that your practically live together, but it will just keep the peace.

My fiance comes from a religious family.  He lives here unofficially.   He has his own house that he has a roommate in, but is listing it for sale this week.   His parents know he lives here and are not as upset because we’re closer to the wedding.   But, if they were very adament about it and it could affect how they felt at the wedding (or with siblings) we would not sell his house until after the wedding.

Good luck!  I bet it’s frustrating for both you and your FI but the wedding will be here befor you know it.  🙂

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