Post # 1
As a newly engaged bee, I’m looking forward to planning our wedding and starting our lives together. I am 45, never married before, and will be moving in with my FI when my apartment lease is up in Sep. (wedding is in Dec.). My FI is 51 and owns his home that he shared with his ex. It is fully furnished, there really is no space for any of my stuff, and we will have duplicates of many things, e.g., microwave, cookware, dishes, etc. Moving is not an option because of the housing market and the fact that one of his adult sons still lives with him. I’m nervous about moving in for several reasons. First, I feel a bit like I am losing my identity. Everything I own, I picked out and paid for over many years. Not that it’s the nicest stuff in the world, but it’s mine. Second, I fear that if I do a lot of purging before moving in and things don’t work out (I know, no one likes to think about it and we all go into marriage with the best intentions), I will have no possessions if I have to move out. Do I put things in storage? Try to fit things in his attic? I’m open to your advice and suggestions.
Post # 3
@ms_citygirl: Is all of his stuff of a better quality than yours? If not, you should be able to discuss things with each other and decide which of the duplicates to use on an item by item basis 🙂
It seems like what you’re feeling is something you should be able to be open about with him.
Post # 4
If you can afford it, I would rent out a storage unit. Pick the nicer version of everything, whether its yours or his, and put the less nice version in storage. Tell him you want to store it until it’s nice enough to have a garage sale in the summer.
Post # 5
@ms_citygirl: Why dont you compromise, since it will be YOUR home too, and get together and pick some of yours out together and some of his to keep and utalize together? instead of just using all of his stuff and loosing yours, do half and half, each of you sell somethings and put it in a honeyfund for the wedding!! just a thought, plus if it is in storeage and his son moves out eventually, you could say it is a starter gift from you guys….
Post # 6
Why not swap out some of his stuff for some of yours.
When DH and I moved in we both had 2 bedroom apartments fully furnished. We used his entertainment system and tv, my couch and chair, my bed, his became the guest bed. I had all the kitchen gadgets, he had a better dining room set.
We basically picked the best of both sets of stuff. I had a tv and dining set too, but his was a better, bigger tv. My dining room set only fit 4, his sat 6.
Just because it is A couch, doesn’t mean it’s the one that has to stay there.
We donated and gave away all the stuff we didn’t need/want.
Post # 7
@ms_citygirl: When we moved in together, we decided which microwave, mattress etc we were going to use and then put a lot of stuff in storage. Both of us also did some purging. It isn’t your job alone to go through your things. He needs to do the same.
After a while, and you’ll know when the time is right, get rid of the stuff in storage. The adult son may need it for his place when he moves out.
Don’t wait too long to get rid of the stuff in storage however. You can quickly find yourselves paying more for storage than it would cost to replace the items.
Post # 8
@ms_citygirl: I am strongly against storing. I say jump in feet first.
You and he should decide together on which items you are going to keep. Just because his place is furnished doesn’t mean you can’t move in your micowave/side tables/dining room set and move his out. You should decide together, and it would make sense if you end up with somewhat of a blend.
Everything that you don’t need should be sold, donated, or disgarded. No need to hold on to old stuff especially with all the great resources out there these days for reselling and recycling. If you need to store one or two items in the attic until you find the perfect spot for them that’s fine, but don’t just load up spaces because you aren’t sure what to do with things.
Post # 9
@ms_citygirl: I would definitely try and get a storage unit! When I moved in with FH, it was into a tiny one bedroom apartment.. definitely not enough space for two of us! If you have anything that’s really special to you, find a place for it at his house. Get rid of some, store the rest! Maybe eventually you guys can go about replacing the furniture with new stuff you picked out together.
Post # 10
You’re combining households, not moving into his. You should both be getting rid of things. Who has the nicer couch, newer bed, softer towels? Keep what you both love and yardsale the rest. (Or put it in storage for a few months if that makes you more comfortable.)
Post # 11
@ms_citygirl: When my FI and I moved in together, we used the nicer one of any duplicates and got rid of the others.
If you don’t want to purge your stuff and his stuff is nicer, maybe move it into storage?