Moving on is tough.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@PatientBride:  

 

I am sorry that you are hurting right now. 

You are right — everything happens for a reason.

I saw from your previous post that you were dating each other for ten years. That is a huge investment in a relationship. That is a huge amount of time in a person’s lifetime. Think of it. If you live to be 80 years old, that is one eighth of your lifetime! No wonder you are hurting right now.

I also wasted a GREAT deal of time on a dead-end relationship many years ago, long before I ever met my DH. Take it from someone who has been in your shoes — let this be a lesson learned. Give yourself time to heal. When you are ready to start over and meet someone new, don’t let him string you along for 10 years. You deserve a home, a family, and a loving marriage. Don’t settle for anything less than 100% commitment. 

This broken relationship will be forgotten when you meet your REAL Mr. Right.

The username you chose for yourself — PatientBride — makes me sad. Next time, don’t be patient. Stand up for yourself. If after, say one year of dating, a guy is not sure he wants to be married — move on! 

Hugs to you.

 

Post # 4
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@PatientBride:  Him taking the ring back could maybe be compared to a woman who takes her ring off in the heat of the moment. Not a mature or fair thing to do, but you said yourself he probably knows he overreacted. Maybe this isn’t the end. Good luck. I couldn’t even imagine. 10 years is a long time.

Post # 7
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@PatientBride: 

 

I found a quote online and I can’t help but think it is true – “I should hate him for the way he treated me. But I don’t. Maybe that’s what love is. Not hating someone when you have every reason to.” I guess this makes me so naive. 

You are breaking my heart. I was once very naive, like you. 

It took me a long, long, longggggg time to wise up and stop making excuses for his lack of commitment. 

I pray that you won’t waste as much time as I did. Counseling helped me to get him out of my skin. Is there any way you can find counseling?

And no my friend. That is NOT what love is. I know you said there were financial reasons, job reasons and being young. But when it’s REAL love — the real love that was meant to be — he doesn’t take the ring back (after 10 years!!!) and leave you dangling like this. Yes, you’re naive. But you also are suffering from low self-esteem. I can say this, because I have been there.

Take good, loving care of yourself. Surround yourself with friends and family who love you and will lift you up. If you don’t have anyone in your life who will love you and lift you up — go find NEW people to be friends with who will love you and lift you up. Join a church or a club, or find a therapist. Start making plans for YOU. Build a new life for yourself where you can heal and move forward.

More hugs to you.  Believe in yourself! You deserve to have someone who loves you 100% and is committed to you. Someone who would move heaven and earth to make you happy and call himself your husband. 

Post # 8
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@PatientBride:  A lot of it has to do with the nature of the fight… Is this a case of cheating or is this one argument after another?

Post # 10
Member
867 posts
Busy bee

@BelliniChic:  +1

 

@PatientBride:  awe I’m so sorry, sometimes it’s good to think of things in terms of black and white, not shades of grey he dated you for 10 years, made you wait ten,effing, years, then took BACK his ring and proposal.  What man does that? That is beyond cruel in my opinion. I’m so sorry, I would not recommend trying to work it out. But do whats best for you:)

Post # 12
Member
3935 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I hope you will find someone worthy of your trust and your love.  After all the time you put into the relationship, him taking back the ring over a small issue speaks volumes about his level of commitment.  

In the words of Maya Angelou, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Post # 13
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Astra:  There’s nothing to feel embarrassed about. People will not feel embarassed for you. These things happen to everyone. 

Post # 14
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@PatientBride:  

i am also not ready to deal with the embarassment. It is so hard to say I dated him for 10 years, we got engaged and now it is over. 

 

We are all human. We all have made mistakes.

This is not your shame. If anything, the shame is his. Shame on him for staying in a relationship with a wonderful woman who HE KNEW wanted to get married, badly. Shame on him for stringing you along when you were weak and vulnerable, when you trusted him with all of your heart, when you were willing to wait patiently for him for so long. If he had really loved you, he would have lovingly let you go so that you could move on and find what you want and need and deserve.

Don’t beat yourself up. If anyone DARES to make a comment to you to make you feel embarrassed for waiting 10 years… shame on THEM. Don’t let ANYONE make you feel bad about the choices you’ve made. It is what it is!

Hold your head high. You are a wonderful lady. Any man would be lucky to have you for his wife. Repeat that to yourself over and over and over. 

 

Post # 16
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@PatientBride:  always believed not to fix something that wasn’t broken so maybe the engagement broke us.

Please re-read what you wrote there. That saying implies that people should get married to “fix” what is broken (a ridiculous tactic that never works). If you are in a happy, functioning relationship with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, the engagement will only make things better. Getting engaged in itself can never destroy a relationship. Your relationship was already broken, you just didn’t realise it.
 
The sooner you stop making excuses for him, the sooner you will start to heal and move on. He doesn’t deserve any more of your time or mental energy.

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