Post # 1
Just been reading all the fab stories/advice on here, so thought I had to join and a)share my story and b)give any advice to others on the waiting bandwagon like me!
A quick rundown on me and my man, been together around 2.5 years, lived together for 1 year (although we were inseperable when we weren’t officially living together). We are so in love and happy, been talking about engagement/wedding stuff for the last year, more often in the last 6 months, looked at rings in windows together whenever we walk past a jeweler etc.
So now we have decided to move to a new country! Very exciting but I would have liked to be engaged first before we move for commitment. Also think it would be nice to do it here with our families around before we go. We are looking at leaving in July, and it’s my birthday in June so thinking maybe then? But there have been so many times when I have thought maybe it was going to happen and it didnt. I hope I dont sound too crazy on here…!
So do I tell him that Im wanting the commitment before we run away to another country together, or wait for my birthday to see what happens and mention it after? Or suck it up and it will happen whenever even if it’s after we have moved sometime? I dont want to give an ultimatum, I know he’s the one for me and dont really want to go through something emotional that I can’t stick to…
Sorry for my rambling, and thanks for reading, he had a ‘surprise’ for me this morning that wasn’t what I thought so really needing a vent as well!
Post # 3
I would definitely have a talk with him about getting engaged before moving. Just a casual little conversation, not an ultimatium; and then see what happens. I think you’re definitely right in wanting the be engaged first, I wouldn’t want to move to another country with my man before we were engaged either.
Can I ask where you’re moving? It sounds so exciting, running off together 🙂
Post # 4
@Gingersnap:Thanks, Yes, we are moving to Melbourne, in Australia, super excited about the move, been looking at where we want to live there etc and what we are going to take with us! It’s an exciting new adventure that’s for sure!
I think you are right about bringing it up with him casually.. I’ve just got to find the right time.. at the same time I don’t want to put too much pressure on it, I think deep down he knows that’s what I want, but I guess I need to actually put it out there that I have a timeframe in terms of moving!
Post # 5
Definitely talk about it first. Personally I would not move if I was not engaged, it is too big a life change- I would probably tell him, when discussing the move, that we’d have to be engaged for me to consider it, although it sounds like you are past that and maybe not thinking the same way.
We had something sort of similar, my job was transferred to another state and I was really struggling with deciding whether to go or not. I didn’t really want to go, and he definitely didn’t want to, so we went back and forth on waht to do. I explained that I felt like I could’nt just quit and stay here without some kind of commitment, so he did propose before I had to make the decision, adn then obvoiusly I quit the job.
Post # 6
Ahhhh! thanks for the advice, had a chat about it all last night and he told me he’s not ready and he doesnt think it is the right time… I have no idea what to do with this. Leaving all my family and friends to go away with him without any commitment, i don’t know if I should or not, he says he might be ready next year.
I suggested that we wait to move until he is ready, but he wants to go in August not any later. So now I have no idea, our conversation last night was basically inconclusive.
I love him so much and want to work this out with him, but now I don’t know what to do?!?!
Post # 7
@jjb25: Would you want to move to Australia if he wasn’t going with you? If yes, then I think you should still go. Make sure it is for you as much as your relationship! If it were me, i’d be gone in a second – I spent a month in Australia a couple years ago – my husband and I were going to try and move there, but when the economy collapsed, it became less and less realistic. Hope it works out for you!
Post # 8
@crayfish: It’s great over there, I was getting really excited about going. However, it was his idea and he really wants to go, I needed convincing, but got there in the end and was looking forward to it. But I don’t really know if I would be going without him or not… Hmm..
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia
So we were in the EXACT same position as you a few years ago.
We’d been dating for 5 years. Mr. Jaguar got a job in London (we’re from Sydney!) and we had to make the choice yay or nay. I wanted a ring before we left/he wasn’t ready for that yet. I had to decide whether to go and risk everything on us, just because we weren’t engaged – or stay behind and think about me.
I went. We got engaged during that trip. It worked out perfectly. He later said that when I made that decision to move overseas, that’s when he knew he was ready to marry me. I’m not saying that’s what happens for everyone, but it CAN work that way!