moving to be closer to college boyfriend

posted 3 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
  • poll: move with college boyfriend
    if I had less time left : (1 votes)
    6 %
    if we were together longer : (12 votes)
    67 %
    other (please explain in post) : (5 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    419 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    My fiance and I were separated in college for one year until he moved to a school much closer than mine, but even when we were in an LDR, we were about six hours driving distance, so I went home to see him once a month. He doesn’t regret choosing a college based on me, because he can get the degree he is getting anywhere, and now we are engaged and spend most of our time together. We basically cohabitate while we’re at school, and it’s wonderful. I will be graduating in December, which is a year and a half before him, and I am choosing to seriously limit my grad school hunt to being within a couple of hours at most from him. Luckily, he’s at school in Atlanta, so I have a lot of choices, and again, the grad degree that I am getting is basically available anywhere. After he graduates, we’re getting married and then we’re moving from Georgia to Arizona so he can start law school. 

    Basically, it depends on your situation. Is your degree generic enough to where it doesn’t matter where you graduate from, are you positive that your boyfriend will not be moving away from you while you finish your schooling in Seattle, and how will you feel if a break-up happens when you have moved for him? In our situation, we were just in different bordering states. I am not sure that I would move across the country to be with a boyfriend unless we had talked about a more serious commitment, and you have not been dating for very long. We had been dating for fourteen months when I moved from Tennessee to Georgia, had two semester of long distance, and then we had been dating for over two years when he picked his college based on my location and moved. 

    Another thing you need to consider is why your boyfriend is ok with moving to Seattle. Does he expect you to follow him? Has he talked about it? Did he have an offer closer to home that he rejected? I am not knocking your relationship, young love, or short relationships, I just think you need to think carefully about basing life choices on someone you have only been seeing for six months who does not appear to be making his choices based on your relationship, at the point where he has moved all the way across the country when he knows you have two years of school left. 

    I am sympatetic to your situation, I am just saying you need to consider this choice super carefully. You will regret it forever if you move to be with him and something goes wrong in the relationship and you end up breaking up. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1168 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    It really depends on what your studying in school and if it makes sense academically to move. FI & I went through something very similar. We met shortly after I had already planned to go away to school (an 8 hour drive away). I went for 1 year. He drove up, every 2 weeks… it was really not ideal for either of us. The longest we ever went without seeing each other was 9 weeks and to this day, that is still the longest we have been apart, since meeting. 

    Every couple is different. I don’t think I would have not gone away to school for a boy I was only dating 5 months. I did transfer back closer to home for 1 semester and than actually transferred back to my home town, where I finished my degree. I didn’t make that choice until we had been dating over a year and I truly disliked dorming/having a roommate. My FI was not my sole reason for changing schools but I can’t lie and say that he wasn’t a big part of that. 

    Most people in your life will likely try to talk you out of it. It happened to me. 7 years laters and getting married next weekend 🙂 

    You have to do what feels right to you. Personally if I were you, I’d wait 1 more semester but really only you can make that choice. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    419 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    renellove:  It’s not out of the question that he could be the one. My fiance and I knew very early in our relationship that we were meant to be together. 

    I think you should have an honest conversation about where he sees himself in five years, where you see yourself in five years, and where you see your relationship in five years. You need to ask him where he is planning to take the relationship. I am not saying he needs to propose to you right now, or even in the next year, but I would absolutely not move across the country unless I knew the boyfriend was serious about a longterm future with me. It might feel weird to bring this up six months into a relationship, but if you’re crazy about each other, it won’t be that hard of a conversation to have. Again, he shouldn’t feel pressured, he should just let you know if he envisions marriage or some other longterm arrangement. I think you should talk to him about a timeline for your relationship without sounding crazy. Fiance and I planned, and even wrote down, many timelines while our relationship was young, and it is fun to look back at them now. The point though, is that you both need to absolutely be on the same page about where you see this going and when you see it getting to those milestones. Normally, I would not encourage such a serious conversation so early, but you have to consider the longterm future when you think about such a big move. 

    Will you be living together if you move to Seattle? 

    Post # 6
    Member
    5204 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    renellove:  I don’t think it’s a crazy thing to do.  If all other things are equal (you are not derailing school, you will be just as happy in Seattle as in your current town, etc) then I see no downside. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1110 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Make sure your credits will transfer and that your prospective university will allow you to graduate with only four semesters at that university. I know Georgia Tech and University of Mississippi require you to spend a certain amount of degree-oriented credit hours at their universities in order to graduate there.

    Post # 8
    Member
    13 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    coachhw:  

    I live in California, and after a year of dating and seeing eachother every minute of every day while we were both in college (i was 19 he was 20) my Fiance (boyfriend at the time) moved to Kansas for the summer to play baseball, and then started at a new college in New Mexico that he was recruitted to for baseball.  It was a long plane ride away for a year, and then he moved to San Diego the next year (for baseball) that was about a 5 hour drive away, then i moved home while he stayed there (8 hour drive away) and then he moved back to NM for the minor league (another long flight).  We have been together 6 years and were long distance for 3+ of those. When we were long distance the worst part was he couldn’t come visit me (because of baseball) so I did all the traveling.  It was hard (not going to lie or sugar coat it) but we always say it made us talk more and become closer.  Everyone always says long distance doesnt work and I always tell people the reason I think we worked was because he didnt quit baseball to stay with me, and I didnt change schools to be closer to him and now neither of us resents the other.  I really do think that is key –  We both got to live our lives and have eachother also – it was the perfect situation.  Now, 6 years later we own a house together and are getting married next year it really did work out perfectly.

    That is just my two cents 🙂 make sure you dont do something you might resent him or have him do something he will resent you for later because that will ruin your relationship.  Most othr things you will be able to work out if he is the right person.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee

    coachhw:  I am not saying not to go – but there are a lot of things to consider here.

    1. Are the schools there good?

    2. Would you stay there if you two were to break up?

    3. Will you be living together?

    I think it is great that you have family out there and if it is feasible – school wise and financially – then go for it. A new town, new friends, new experiences – but you have to be partly doing this for yourself too, not just for him. Should anything happen you don’t want to blame him for you moving. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    314 posts
    Helper bee

    renellove:  moving would mean out of state tuition and it is not worth it in this economy = DO NOT MOVE!

    Also, I have witnessed 5 girl friends moving across the country for their boyfriends and 4 of them broke up. The one who didn’t was engaged before moving— smart! I would never move anywhere for a man without commitment and security, you need to look out for YOU!! If he has such a great job then he should fly to see you on weekends or help pay for you to visit him.

    Post # 12
    Member
    13 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    renellove:  I am so happy to hear you didnt move! 🙂

    I completely get what you mean – long distance is not easy, it is a lot of work for both of you so you both have to REALLY want it.   When you’re long distance, you dont get that physical aspect of the relationship for weeks at  a time, it definitely takes an adjustment and means you have to change other parts of your relationship to make up for it.

    The first thing was we never went more than  a month without seeing eachother, it was usually every 2-3 weeks we would push it to 4 max.  That is not a cheap thing to do, but we were fortunate enough to be able to do it.  If that is too expensive, come up with some # of weeks that is your max and every time after you have a visit make sure you have another one planned before you leave.  That gives you both something to look forward to.

    You’re going to have to talk on the phone more than you used to…you’ll get used to it and you’ll naturally find times in your schedules that it works to talk.  Dont get frustrated if its not for hours on end every day, just be happy wiht what you can get! Also, we had an agreement that no matter what, we said goodnight every night so we were guarenteed to at least talk then. Even if you can talk for 2 minutes, do it – it is good to hear eachothers voices.

    The last thing you need to make sure you do is to communicate everything with him.  Don’t start pointless fights, pick your battles but make sure you let him know how you feel.   I had to explicitly explain to my finace that i need attention (that is my love language) and since I dont get to spend time with him I needed attention other ways (phone calls/texts/skype dates, cards in the mail).  Once I explained this to him in a way he could understand, he totally stepped it up and made sure to make time for phone calls with me, just like he would make time for a date with me if we lived nearby. Make sure you dont forget about him too  – my fiance’s love language is gifts so i would send him care packages and just little things to keep us feeling connected and he would send me flowers or get breakfast delivered to my house on days he knew I wasnt feeling well or little gifts from his baseball trips.  It seems old fashioned, but mailing things was a great way for us to feel connected.

    Just try to do little things to keep the two of you connected and it will work out if it was meant to be. Good luck! I think you made the right choice 🙂

    yumcheez:  and I 100% agree!!! no commitment no moving

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