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I don't like it either, but the solutions can be a bit...wordy, and some people don't like them.
The best option, I think, is "Mr. Fred and Mrs, Wilma Flinstone."
I am addressing my invites as "HisFirst & HerFirst LastName" because I also get really bugged by Mr & Mrs HisLast, or Mr & Mrs HisFirst LastName ... I only have a couple of guests who MAY be bothered by this, but most of our guests won't bat an eye!
Technically, Mr. & Mrs. HisFirst HisLast is correct. It drives me nuts, personally. ALL of my family sent our christmas cards to me as Mrs. HisFirst HisLast. Since I hate it so much, I addressed our invites as if the wife had not changed her name: Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe.
Hate it! I am writing into my DJ's contract that if he announces me in this way, he will be in material breach and will return the full sum of his fee. For reals.
I go alphabetical, and use Ms., so it can be Ms. Alice and Mr. Bob X. I also have plenty of unmarried, co-habitators or kept their last name couples, so, again, alphabetical as Ms. Alice X and Ms. Bobby Y, for example.
I did Mr. & Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName. It's more formal (to me) and I can't wait to be Mrs. FIFirstName FILastName. I'm old fashioned that way.
Mr and Mrs Fred and Wilma Flintstone?
Mr and Mrs Flintstone?
Fred and Wilma Flintstone?
And then there are the Drs to complicate things. I'll choose not to think about that part yet.
I'm not doing Mr and Mrs Fred Flintstone (unless I'm told that any of my invitees would prefer that--I'll do it for those few, but not the whole list), but I haven't really figured out the best option. My wedding isn't super formal, but I don't want the invites to be too informal.
ETA: If you made me decide right now, I'd probably do "Fred and Wilma Flinstone" for our friends and other people I call by their first name and "Mr and Mrs Flintstone" for my parents friends and those I don't call by first names. Unmarried couples or those who kept their last names would get the standard "Mr Fred Flinstone and Ms Wilma Limestone"
Also, I think as long as you are not having a very formal wedding, its fine to do HisFirst and HerFirst Last Name (without Mr. and Mrs.)
Thanks. Maybe I'll do mainly HisFirst and HerFirst LastName, but use Mr. and Mrs. HisFirst LastName for people that I think may care. I just don't get it. Even if I change my last name (still undecided), I'm obviously not taking his first name! I understand that it's an old tradition, but still...
I was just thinking of posting a thread about this. I recently informed my mother that I'll be addressing our invitations to Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe. It's a clear breach of established etiquette, but I can't stomach the other way. I'm putting my foot down on this one. My mother asked what if people are offended by being addressed as Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe. I told her then they can throw away the envelope and continue reading the invitation!
@monita That's a great idea about the DJ contract! Too bad we already signed ours. Did you have a hard time getting the DJ agree to include that before they signed?
Actually, "am writing" is totally gramatically correct. I am currently negotiating with him. I am also his first karaoke at the wedding client, so I am trying to get a discount, as he will still be working out the kinds of transitiong, and I am the first to show faith in this new service.
But I'll let you know! I was going to have a friendor DJ for me, who is a professional, but has an impish sense of humor. It was too big of a deal for me to leave to chance, so I hired someone (friend is also a functioning alcoholic, so... not the only reason).
A standing rule is that you never "seperate" the man's first and last name, so Mr. Fred and Mrs. Wilma Flintstone is really wrong, if you're playing by those rules. Mrs. Wilma and Mr. Fred Flintstone might be marginally better, but I think that if you're going to forgo the standard Mr. and Mrs. you should just avoid the titles altogether.
By the way, if Wilma was a doctor, you'd put "Dr. and Mr. Fred Flintstone" or, if that really chafes at you, Dr. Wilma Flintstone and Mr. Fred Flintstone.
I just sent out the proofs for my invitations; and I struggled with this issue for HOURS!
Technically, there is no good formal way to put the parent's name (without the Mr and Mrs His First Last thing) without breaking (American) etiquette. What I did then is to do what they do in Latin America (I'm half, so that's my excuse) and put
"Mr His First His Last and Mrs Her First Her Last"
Yes, it's long, but I found that it fits just fine on the paper and my mom was really happy with the result. That's an alternative for you, if you would like to consider it.
Ugh...the title issues bug me! I guess I don't really mind being referred to as Mrs. HisName Buttons. In the end, it is just an envelope...I wouldn't be offended. And, we tear into our mail so quickly I probably wouldn't even take note!
If I am correct, the formal title is only on the outer envelope, and you address the invitees by their first names inside. Perhaps I am wrong??
I plan on varying this by guest. Some of our guests are uber-traditional and would be offended by anything but Mr. and Mrs. HisFirst HisLast. However, with some of our friends, the wife opted to not take her husband's last name. With other friends, I simply know that Mrs. HisFirst HisLast would offend her. With those couples, I'll probably just drop the titles and send the invites to HerFirst HerLast and HisFirst HisLast, or HerFirst and HisFirst HisLast. In my case, I never intend to be Mrs. MyFirst HisLast - it's DR. MyFirst HisLast :) Whether it's appropriate in regards to etiquette or not, I worked my a$$ off for that degree and will be paying off my student loans for the rest of my life. I want it acknowledged :)
@Amani -- I feel you. I am *totally* stressed out and confused on this issue. Our wedding is pretty formal, so I want to use Mr. and Miss / Ms. / Mrs. HOWEVER, I also really don't like Mr. and Mrs. "hisfirst" "hislast". My thought is to go with Mr. and Mrs. Fred and Wilma Flinstone for the invites. BUT, we also have hippies and traditionalists on our guest list -- i.e. people who will be totally insulted by the use of Miss / Mrs., and also people who would be offended by Ms. Ugh. I guess we're going to be dealing with things on a case by case basis. -- Or just drop the Mr. Ms. Mrs. Miss altogether!
My initial response to posts/questions like this is always to say, well just go Mr. and Mrs. HisFirst HerFirst TheirLast, b/c I can't imagine anyone being offended by ACTUALLY being referred to by their own name. Like I can't imagine Wilma looking at an envelope that said "Mr. and Mrs. Fred and Wilma Flinstone" and saying "How DARE they acknowledge my identity!!! The NERVE!!!"
But then, I guess for some women tradition matters & they like being associated very strongly with their husband's identity & perhaps even look forward to being addressed that way. To each her own, I guess, but I know that I will DEFINITELY be addressing the invites including the wife's first name--may just forget trying to combine them though--like "Mr. Fred Flinstone and Mrs. Wilma Flinstone" Just makes things simpler although perhaps more long-winded, and is not technically WRONG (i.e. Wilma IS Mrs. Wilma Flinstone, not Mrs. Fred Flinstone).
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On most invitations I see, it's generally Mr. and Mrs. HisFirstName LastName. I sort of hate it. I'm fine being Mrs. MyFirst FILast but am not so comfortable with being Mrs. FIFirst FILast.
But how then do I address my invites? Is Mr. and Mrs. HisFirst HisLast considered proper etiquette? Is addressing the invite to a married couple w/ the same name as: HerFirst and HisFirst LastName (and not using Mr. and Mrs. at all) too informal? On our actually invitation, we used MyDadFirst and MyMomFirst LastName and FFIL-First and FMIL-First LastName, but I don't want people to think we're being too informal or disrepectful to address our invites this way.
Am I just crazy? Does anyone else feel this way?