- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I've never seen it done that way, and it's not technically correct. If you want to include both names, leave the titles off, maybe?
We included both first names. It made me cringe, too, that the "appropriate" way meant that a woman's name wasn't included. Who really cares? Do it the way you're comfortable with.
Even though it's not traditional ettiquette, I used both first names. Personally, I would not like to be referred to without my first name, as a feminist it just feels strange. I only used the traditional address with older guests whom I knew would prefer that style.
We went with Mrs. HerName Lastname & Mr. HisName Lastname, which is how the etiquette guides I read say to handle married couples with different names, but I personally cringe when I see Mr. and Mrs. John Smith....
I have heard that if you want to include both first names the woman should go first (assuming they have the same last name, and assuming its his) as the man is not supposed to be seperated from his name (??). Example: Jane and John Doe would be Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe.
Its so so confusing though, saying Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe rolls better, but it looks funny to put Mrs. with the man's name, and no title with the woman's name (even though its there).
What about Mrs. and Mr. Doe??
We did the first thing I wrote up there, used an ampersand ( & ) instead of writing and, it looked fine to me. No one complained!
I detest the traditional "Mr. and Mrs. Hisname" mode of address, and refused to use it on our invitations. We just dropped titles altogether and went with first and last names only. Second choice would have been to do what mskalinin did (Mrs. Herfirst and Mr. Hisfirst Theirlast) but our wedding isn't that formal so I felt that the informal mode of address was fine in our case.
I just had the Miss Ms Mrs conversation with my mom and aunt. We were really confused so I goggled it. It is frustrating but I think if you just be consistent with it that will be best. I didn't have much room to print all the names so I ended-up doing the Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. I don't think I'll have anyone upset with that. But then again you never know.
Vintage, I'm not sure that consistency matters as much as knowing your guests' preferences...most people are only going to see thier own invitation, so they won't know whether you were consistent or not. I will be very offended if someone who knows me addresses us as Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast, since a) I'm not taking his name, and b) even if I did, I wold still prefer "Ms." and would NEVER want to be referred to as "Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast" in any context. If someone knew that and disregarded it, I would be upset with them, for sure. I'd give a pass to people who don't know me, though.
So for my wedding invitations I just wrote Mr. and Mrs. Theirlastname, if they had the same last name, but now I'm doing the bridal shower thank yous and mainly it was just women who came, but a few of the neighbor men were there in the beginning and were proud of the gift so I wanted to include them in the thank you - I don't know, it's a minor point but for some reason I felt like I needed first names this time. I like the Mrs. herfirstname and Mr. Hisfirstname Theirlastname.
Personally, I would rather use Ms. for every woman, married or not, which was the original intent behind Ms. If you really want to go back to the "old rules," here they are--but don't blame me if your head hurts! All examples assume that the woman's last name at birth was Jones, and that her husband's last name is/was Smith.
The original concept behind Ms. was that it allowed you to address someone without having to find out first whether she was currently married or had ever been married, and what her husband's name was or had been. It also meant that married, divorced, or widowed women who had changed their names still got their own first names.
Unfortunately, a lot of women seem to believe that Ms. is just the modern form of Miss, and that it is inappropriate for addressing a married woman. The problem with this is that you can now offend some women, no matter how you address them. Some will be offended if you address them as "Mrs. Jane Smith," because under the old rules that would imply they were divorced. Some will be offended if you address them as "Mrs. John Smith," because that takes away their own first name. And some will be offended if you omit the titles and use Jane and John Smith, because they don't think that is formal enough. Or if they are widowed and you use just Jane Smith, they will be offended because they believe that is disrespectful to their dead husbands.
Thus, you pretty much have to either ask every woman what her preference is, or just choose an option and risk offending someone.
It is absolutely fine to use both first names. Furthermore, if you are not having a very formal wedding you can leave of the "Mr. and Mrs." altogether.
I've read all the etiquette guides...and really...they are very outdated. Perhaps in the past it was 'proper' to use Mr and Mrs His First and Last Name, but among women in my generation, it is improper and inappropriate. I suppose there could be a few in my grandparents generation that might be okay with it? But really...when you get a wedding invite, does anyone look at how the envelop is addressed and say 'Oh my! They didn't address the envelop in the way proper etiquette prescribes!' I would rather error on the side of caution and not offend women who believe they have a name separate from their husband's.
I certainly bent this rule on my invitations. I still get steamed thinking of the first wedding invitation we got after we were married; not only did it say Mr & Mrs Hisfirstname, it used his nickname rather than his proper name and left me off completely. So there's not even an antiquated way of doing things to excuse that.
Anyway...
I think it depends on how you know the couple and what you typically call them. I don't really like Mrs. Mary Jones and Mr. John Jones either; I'd say if you have inner envelopes, put Mr. and Mrs. Jones on the outer and Mary and John on the inner; otherwise, try Mary and John Jones on the envelopes if you aren't using inner envelopes.
I like "Mr. & Mrs. HisFirstname and Herfirst name." Although not grammatically correct, I know tons of women who prefer this!
I'm with 2ndBride. It makes me crazy when I see Mr. and Mrs. HisFirst and HerFirst TheirLast. Even though I am not planning on changing my name, I would not be offended to see Mr. and Mrs. HisFirst HisLast on an invitation nor would I not respond to being called Mrs. HisLast. But, like HL said, it should be more in line with the preference of the guest. I also detest when things are addressed to Dr. and Mrs.--Dr. is a PROFESSIONAL, not a social title.
This probably isn't perfect etiquette, but here's how I did ours:
The Blankblanks (for a married couple with no kids)
The Blankblank Family (for a couple with kids)
Ms. Dot and Mr. Blankblank (couples with different last names, or unmarried living together)
We didn't have this come up, but for families that are unmarried or just different last names, you could do The Dot and Blankblank Family.
Casual, and I didn't feel like it was awkward at all!
I agree with most everyone above in that, I detest Mr. and Mrs. his first, their last.....and I also refused to use it on invitations. I've always agreed "she has a name too." It almost feels like, if you get married, are you supposed to lose your identity? Surprisingly though, since getting married, I am really offended by the people who not only ASSUME that I've taken my husbands last name, but that also refer to us as Mr. and Mrs. his first, his last. I didn't think that this would bother me so much because I was figuring on eventually transitioning into his last name, but for professional reasons, decided to keep mine for now. I guess that I thought that people would check on this BEFORE just assuming, but they didn't.
Yeah @bridedenise, I had the same thing happen. A bunch of our cards were addressed "Mr and Mrs HisFirst HisLast." I didn't take his last name, and I was surprised at how many people addressed the cards this way. I don't mind being called his last name, I intend to take it socially, but I don't like being left off all together.
I made him open the cards addressed only to him, hehe.
I like Jessica Snaptacular Photos' method, we considered that one, too!
I'm not doing Mr or Mrs on my invites at all. I honestly don't care what etiquette says, its my wedding and I'll do what I want! 
If it makes you cringe, then do it how you like it. I'm not big on following rules and doing thing the way they are "supposed" to be done. It's your wedding so it should be your choice!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ndreighton | 4 |
| Suikerbossie | 3 |
| hamikay | 2 |
| Future Mrs K | 2 |
| aussiebee | 2 |
| pipafarell | 2 |
| jaguar | 1 |
| Miss Godiva | 1 |
| mrsjjohnson2b | 1 |
 brunetteinlove |
1 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Miss Godiva | 1 |
| mrsjjohnson2b | 1 |
| Future Mrs K | 1 |
Is it inappropriate to put Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirstname & Herfirstname Theirlastname instead of Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirstname Theirlastname. It makes me cringe to only have one first name on the letter.