Mr. Bee's Backup Plan Testimonials! Share yours please. :)

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Have you tried Mr. Bee's Plan or Back up Plan?
    Yes : (9 votes)
    45 %
    No : (11 votes)
    55 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1969 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    @chocolatejazz:  I don’t really care for the plan.  I just don’t think its necessary for my situation.  I know a lot of bees swear by it, so I’m bumping this for you.

     

    BUMP! Laughing

    Post # 4
    Member
    1190 posts
    Bumble bee

    @chocolatejazz:  I’m in the process of trying it! I already failed the original plan, so now I’m instantly on the backup plan.

    Here’s my plan of attack: I am going to get a gym membership (to a different gym than his, I already run outside but it’s getting chilly.) I’m in the process of getting new clothes, and I have new friends to go out with that he likes. I’m going to plan a vacation of my own to Florida without him to see my sister. I’m also getting a ski pass and am planning on going even when he can’t go with me. 

    Meanwhile, his friends are starting to nudge him along, asking when he’s going to propose. (Their idea, not mine.) 

    I tried the whole ‘spoil the crap out of him‘ method, which didn’t work, it just made him take advantage of me. I had the house immaculately cleaned, all of his laundry done, dishes done, and meals cooked. 

    I hope it works! I’m tired of waiting! Hopefully by spring!

    Post # 5
    Member
    5192 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I did the origional plan and it failed, unfortunately.  I did not do a good job of the back up plan. Instead I researched rings, suggested we go ring shopping, ultimatley found somehting online that I liked and emailed him the link.  I also brought it up more than I would have liked.

    In the end, we’re now married.  But I’m not so happy with how the whole getting engaged process went, so I wish I’d followed Mr. Bee’s advice more/that it had worked for me.  Would have been much nicer…but it might have just not ever happened.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1190 posts
    Bumble bee

    @cbgg:  do you think if you stuck to the plan more, you would’ve been engaged quicker? Just curious, sorry if that’s too personal.

    Post # 7
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Hi @chocolatejazz:  First and foremost… CONGRATULATIONS on your Marriage.

    Mr Bee is actually the Hubby of MRS BEE the founder of WBee.com

    He is an amazing guy… he should post more often… his posts are always great

    Mr Bee’s Plan is a classic

    As an Older Bee (I am an Encore Bride… and over 50)… I find it sad that not enough women know this stuff regarding

    HOW MEN’S MINDS WORK

    Somehow in the last few decades it has been very fashionable for women to take a greater role in society… and manage to keep our feminity (all good)

    BUT at the same time we’ve cast aside true knowledge about how men think

    Once upon a time, this was the kind of stuff that Grandmothers, Aunts & Mothers told the coming of age women in their families

    Sadly, a lot of women interpret such info as “not being genuine” or “playing games”… it isn’t it is just understanding how men tick, and using that knowledge to our advantage.

    We can still be 100% ourselves (infact this is what men LOVE when women are confident enough to be who we are… different from everyone else in pack)

    Sure, the world has change… and men are more intouch with their feelings / emotions…

    BUT the truth is they are still men… and not us.  THEIR HUMAN NATURE IS DIFFERENT

    THEY DON’T THINK LIKE WE DO

    If we approach them in the same way we would approach a problem as a woman, we are waaay off base

    We need to think like men at times in our lives to communicate better with them, and get the results we want.

    Plain and simple… they are hunters.  They enjoy the pursuit… and they like a cagey prey.

    As another Bee wrote recently… they aren’t thrilled bringing home “road kill”

    By extension they want a woman they can show off… for the unique creature she is… they want the world to take note they caught “a good one”

    It is all wrapped up in their incredibly complex male egos (well complex if you never learn how to read em… otherwise it isn’t that complicated… men are really pretty basic creatures… if all be told)

    We women are smart… afterall we are “the gatherers”

    If we learn the signs, we can remember the keys as to when the fruits are in season… and what we need to gather them

    And so it is with men.  Learn they language / tell signs, and we can turn the tables, and make things less frustrating in dealing with them…

    And consequently have things work in our favour more often.

    Nothing wrong with that.

    Especially if it makes for an easy going relationship made up of give and take… with each person bringing to the table their best qualities.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I should also add… (incase any Waiting Bees are reading this)

    There are other MEN who are also willing to share with women how men think…

    Among them:

    Greg Behrendt – “He’s Just Not That Into You”

    Dr Phil’s – “Love Smart ~ Find The One You Want – Fix the one you got”

    and of course

    John Gray’s – “Men are from mars – Women are from venus”

    There are lots more… women can find these books in the Relationship aisle of bookstores (or on line).  As I often say in life… Knowledge is power… and in love that too is true.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5192 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @chic_and_fabulous:  In my case….I don’t think so.  But I do think I might have had a proposal that I felt better about.  Here is how our situation went:

     – We’d been together for years and had been talking marriage for a few years.  Had both clearly agreed that we intended to get married and wanted to do it soon.

     – I May we had a timeline talk.  We had a clear talk that he wanted to do the proposal.  Our timeline was by the end of the summer.

     – I worked soooo hard to never say a word about it all summer.  We took a lot of trips that summer and I wondered if it would happen, but before each trip I was pretty sure it woulnd’t because 1) he hadn’t made any ring progress that I knew about/asked to look at rings/asked me what I wanted, etc, 2) he wasn’t acting weird.

     – At the end of a trip we took on labour day weekend (end of summer), by the time I could tell it was obviously not going to happen I brought it up.  I asked him if he remembmered that he said he’s propose by the end of the summer and he admitted that he had been thinking about it but hadn’t worked on it (no plan, no ring) and was sort of overwhelmed by the whole thing.

     – In the fall I decided to take matters into my own hands.  I started looking at rings on my own, found out about moissy, showed DH, etc.  We talked budget, talked about moissy and I sent him links to a bunch of rings that I liked.

     – I waited, asked, and even nagged (if I’m being honest).  I knew he had ordered the ring, then I knew that he had the ring, then I knew that he had the ring in his pocket.  

     – He ended up waiting until the last possible minute to propose and clearly didn’t really plan it out.

    Anyway, we are married now and he’s a wondeul husband, but proposing wasn’t really his strength.

    I think if I’d done the plan he would have taken way longer to propose, but it would have been something I’d be happier about if he had done some leg work/planning on his own.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @chocolatejazz:  I’ve seen this plan, and I also think it would be easy to follow.  As for the back up plan, I would not want to implement unless I was REALLY ready to leave.  My BF’s older brother recently got married.  Evidentlly, the legend in his family is that his new wife’s best friend got engaged, and she took it VERY hard and ‘was sick in bed’ for days and just had a hard time with life.  Viola, we all found out they were engaged.  Rumors STILL swirl that she threatened to leave and the relationship was going to be over, and that it ONLY happened because of this.  UGH.

    I really would be afraid of the backlash and chatter from following this plan.  Let’s just say people placed bets that they wouldn’t even walk and now they are making bets about their divorce.  How awful! 

    In a perfect world, we wouldn’t have to do things like this to get a marriage.  If I would have to do the back up plan, and my BF decides to propose because he thinks I’m leaving……..I mean, I don’t know.  I guess I would be more concerned about him just not wanting to be alone and not really wanting to be with me for me because he loves me and can’t live without me.  My proposal would be runied (in the case of my BF’s new sister in law, he gave her the ring while she was ‘sick’ in bed because she didn’t want to go out with him to dinner) and I would honestly feel like they did it because they had to and not because they wanted to. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @veryberry13:  follow up- i just re-read the plan and I will say that if it is done RIGHT then fine but honestly i would have a very hard time going through a break up in my head without giving into urges and date other ppl and doing too much on my own it would feel like a break up to me 🙁  just sayin’, but ive had some bad waiting days lately lol so who knows

    Post # 12
    Member
    299 posts
    Helper bee

    @This Time Round:  + you’re posts are always so funny!! Good to read “the older” point of view in some discussions:)

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    TO @tisposeroperche:  thank you for your kind words… being older is just the fact that one has been on the planet longer (and learned from a lot of experiences, not all of them positive)… in the end inside I don’t feel any different than I did at 18 or so (when Mr TTR proposed it was exactly like it was for me the first time some 30+ years ago with my first Hubby).  The only thing that comes with age is truly the valuable insight of experience.  I try to not be a “downer” here on WBee, but rather share the info that I know, because if I can save even one person some of the grief & heartache, then that is a good thing I think.

    I learned the hard way that Love can be both the most awesome thing, as well as the most devasting.  If my words can spare anyone the pain of Divorce, then all the better.

    Lol, if you enjoyed the post above, you might want to read this recent one where we talked about Proposals / Engagemetns and how they’ve changed over time

    http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/getting-a-ring-vs-proposal#post-6531395

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    376 posts
    Helper bee

    I followed this plan, AND the backup plan, and it only added to more tension and fights. I changed jobs, changed my hair, got new friends, and went back to school. 

    The results were NOT good.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    4043 posts
    Honey bee

    @Helloemi:  Out of curiousity, did ever propose/did you get married (even after stopping the plan)? I am not for/against the plan, just curious. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    376 posts
    Helper bee

    @bmo88:  he hasn’t yet, but we are miles closer to getting married than we were previously, but I do not think that the plan helped us get to that point at all. I think having a clear line of communication about our feelings has gotten us to that point, not to mention we have both gained a lot of maturity since then.

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