Post # 1
Ok, ladies. I’m a 30 yr old waiting bee who has been with her SO for five years. We do not live together. I told myself today that I am going to begin Mr. Bee’s Plan, the part where you do your own thing, live your life, etc., etc…. My question is, how do you respond to your SO when he asks you what the hell is up? I forsee my SO getting a little hurt once I start making more plans without him, doing more without him, etc. I just know he is going to ask me if something is up….I don’t want to manipulate him either…. if you have tried this plan, how did you respond when your SO became upset or questioned you.
thanks for your advice!
Post # 3
If he asks you what’s up, tell him. It’s not manipulation, moreso being open about how you feel. Tell him you’ve been together for 5 years, you’re 30, and it seems like he isn’t make any moves to advance the relationship further, so . . .
I told Fiance that he didn’t have to choose to marry me, once I moved to another city. But he had to make a choice one way or the other. We had been together nearly 3 years at that point and I was 32, 33. I told him I loved him and wanted to be with him, but if he didn’t see the same (i.e. marriage), and soon, to let me go.
Maybe I was cold, but I meant it . . .
Post # 4
You can tell him your vague plan in advance.
I’m not waiting but I’ve had a similar conversation recently with Fiance… I needed some me time and some space because I was feeling like i was getting a bit lost in our couple stuff when he had a lot of me time all day while I worked (he works much less than I)
Post # 5
Ok, so what I’m hearing is that I need to straight up tell him that right now since he isn’t ready to move in that direction, i.e. marriage, thenI’ need to make sure that I focus more on myself and what I want? Does that sound right? Have any of you tried this plan and found that it worked???
Post # 6
@bellenola: I’m agreeing with shychigirl.
Yes, you just straight up tell him when he ASKS, do not volunteer this info because then it’ll seem manipulative.
It doesn’t mean you don’t love him but you just need to spend some time outside of the relationship, reevaluting things if you will, its really just about keeping your mind off of engagement.
I’m no good at it but I’m still trying! 2 weeks without mentioning anything wedding related, wooo! 😉
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
Tell him why you’re doing it. It’s honesty, not manipulation.
Post # 8
@bellenola: Good luck! I’m not really waiting yet (no discussions of engagement on the horizon), but whenever I find myself spending too much of my time thinking about “advancing the relationship” and wondering if he’s ready for the next level of commitment, I’m hoping to divert my energy into something more productive – i.e., taking care of myself like Mr Bee’s Plan! If Boyfriend or Best Friend asks me what’s up, I’m just planning to say that I want to take better care of myself and develop some of my interests, and summer is a great time to make some healthy changes.