Post # 1
Does anybody have advice for how to implement Mr. Bee’s plan in an LDR? My SO and I have been together for a little over a year, and we both recently moved to remote areas, so we’re going to be LDR for the next 2-3 years. He knows that I want to marry him, and he says he thinks about it too but isn’t quite ready yet to make the decision to get engaged. I’m fine with waiting for now, but I’d like to keep the conversations about the future flowing because so many details would have to be figured out if we were to start a life together at some point.
Since I want him to be thinking about the future and commitment without me having to bring it up, I want to try Mr. Bee’s plan. The thing is, we are LDR and rely entirely on email and AOL Instant Messenger to communicate as it is, so I have a really hard time making myself even less available to him. I want to make it clear that I have my own life, etc, without cutting off communication completely.
Post # 3
I’m in a LDR with my SO, too. We’re in one while he is finishing grad school. I have been implementing the Mr. Bee plan. Luckily, it is possible to do it with just e-mail and Instant Messenger! My other question to you is, do you two use Skype? If you have webcams, that’s a really great (and free!) way to get to see each other.
The big thing is, you want to stay busy. It’s a twofold benefit here: 1, it keeps your mind off of missing him. 2, it gives you something fun to talk about. That’s where the Mr. Bee part comes in. It’s all about hearing you trying and doing these new things. Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do, but never had the time? I picked up piano and violin. I love music and want to be able to play pretty much everything :-). It could be something simple as taking an exercise class, cooking lessons, etc.
I hope that helps! Good luck with your LDR!
Post # 4
I don’t think you need a plan. Enjoy your own life, enjoy telling him about it, enjoy hearing about his life. One of the things about being long distance is that you’re only going to stay in a relationship if you’re truly committed. You’ll think about how much you want to be together, and gradually you will figure out how to make that happen. Make sure you spend as much time as possible together – visit and vacation together when you can. We’ve been LDR for six years and are finally getting married and living together. We’ve known for a while we wanted to get married, it’s just taken a while for our careers to let us be in the same place.
Having a life – going out after work, having hobbies, exercising, etc – is completely compatible with evening conversations by skype / phone (if you get cell service in your remote locations and share a plan the mobile-to-mobile calls are free) over dinner or before bed. Go for it and enjoy your life even if you’re not with your boyfriend.
Post # 5
I know exactly what you mean!
My SO and I are in a Monday thru Friday LDR, but we are inseparable (and live together) on the weekends. I found the Board AND started Mr. Bee’s back-up plan yesterday.
My SO and I talk every night. We’ve just recently started using Skype. I’ve been kind of trying to “appear like I’m not reliant on him and that I have other interests” lately, but it’s only come of as seeming cold and distant.
Part of the Christmas Challenge is, “don’t talk about wedding/engagement until Christmas, and just ENJOY your relationship during that time.” I like the Christmas Challenge b/c it has the “don’t talk about engagement” part of the Back-Up Plan, but in smaller more manageable (2 months) chunks.
So my suggestion is to do the Xmas Challenge. This will accomplish the “not talking about engagement” part of the Back-Up Plan. But it will also remind you to ENJOY your relationship for the next two months. Be the cheery person that you normally are. Don’t let the “waiting” get you down right now, b/c you’ll get back to it after New Years. And that will allow you to be the normal cheery person that you are during your conversations, rather than seeming cold and distant.