Post # 1
I am so lucky to have a SO who wants to help with the wedding planning and I could certainly use the help. I don’t live near family or any of my bridesmaids… I don’t even live in the same country as my wedding planner so I can feel like I am doing it on my own.
The problem is, I am a control freak. I am totally ready and willing to hand over some responsibility but I was just wondering if people have had a similar experience and what types of responsibilities did you let go of?? Or just general suggestions for small discrete responsibilities that I could/should delegate to others?
Post # 3
Fellow control-freak here. I totally understand where you are coming from. My family kept saying they wanted to do things, but there wasn’t anything that I particularly needed/wanted help with. When I finally gave my mom a task – she never did it (and it never got done!) – It was just the card box – so, super minor, but it still bugs me to this day!
Is there any person in particular that you are thinking of giving a task to?
EDIT: just re-read your subject line and realized it’s the MR. that wants to help. 🙂 My Mr. wanted to help in planning and I used his input on things – ie: what do you think about x, y or z. He picked out all the colors, some of our vendors, etc. I tried to get him to voice his opinion on just about everything he desired to – which, honestly, bit me in the butt more than once (because he didn’t like what I had spent a lot of time thinking about). So – just brace yourself for stuff like that, when getting him involved. It really helped me to remember that it’s HIS wedding too – and his input is just as important as mine. It really is wonderful to BOTH plan… and it helped my Type-A tendencies overall 🙂
Post # 4
I would start by asking him to brainstorm some stuff. Also ask him to do some research! That can’t hurt anyone! Plus you can use the info he finds however you want! I would also start by asking him to do work for the grooms side of things: suits vs tux’s, colors, ordering things tuxs, addresses/info of guys, ties, boutineer ideas, music playlists, beers, limo etc.
Post # 5
I would say hand over the reins to him on a few things that are really relevant/important to him. Whether that be the tuxes, the bar drinks, or constructing the altar (if he is a handyman, which my guy is not! haha). That way you aren’t giving up control over too many areas, but he will feel included.
Post # 6
I am also a control freak. And my FI really wants to help, so I just find little things that are helpful, but at the same time keep him busy. Sometimes he has to redo them because they aren’t exactly what I wanted, but he just shakes his head and does it.
Post # 7
Just remember that it is equally his day and that he has the same right to all of the planning as you do. So don’t hand over anything – you shouldn’t have anything to yourself anyway, naughty control freak, lol Except the dress, of course!
But seriously, it is just as much his big day so sit down with him, show him all of the stuff that needs to get done (don’t know why they never really know all of it) and you can pick and choose what each person will work on. Then, after a couple of weeks, you present your research to each other and make some decisions! Its a bonding experience, its fun AND its good practice for married life where your best decisions will be made this way – toghether!
For stuff you really want to spearhead alone, let him know a couple of things you would really like to have extra control on – he may want nothing to do with those things, anyway! Have fun – planning is the best!
Post # 8
Ooo! Ooo! Me too! Control freak here AND OCD planner… I have my FI coordinating meetings with our engagement shoot site (he just has to call and schedule a time) and our Officiant (a friend of his family). I also have him researching DJs and people who are willing to help with the wedding (he’s already found a few volunteers). He’ll also be doing our slideshow of pictures (you know..the growing up pics slideshow – he wanted it, so it’s his baby now!). He also is supposed to research readings for the wedding and what he wants to do for the ceremony/vows. His groomsman and him will also (hopefully) get their act together and make a video for us too. Of course, if these things don’t happen in a timely manner (he has a schedule), I’ll just step in and start directing. BUT he has a list! I think he’ll be fine. Just have to remind him a few times.
Post # 9
@staceynrick: Thanks for the great list of examples. He definitely has a hard time staying on schedule.
Thanks ladies for all the great advice. The problem remains that he needs A LOT of direction. For instance I asked him to research letterpress places that are in our price range… but everytime I give him a task he basically spends about 20 minutes googling then gets really overwhelmed. Inevitably he ends up asking so many questions that I end up taking it back 🙁
Post # 10
He has a lot of opinions! Oddly enough they are in strange ways like how long the table clothe have to be, napkins, china, etc
He was in charge of blocking hotel rooms (after I did some preliminary research and calling and gave him a few options)
He is in charge of the cake (only a small one for cutting purposes)
Other than that he just pipes in when I show him things really
He made his comments on the menu (there was a good amt of discussion around this), he approved a few ideas for flowers and decor but mostly doesnt care too much.
He will decide what his groomsman will wear and their gifts
He definitely wants input on music and readings as well as our vows.
Post # 11
@lefeymw: That’s funny! I agree that Mr. has A LOT of opinions about the most random details… like he really wants to buy new swim trunks!?!? (it is a destination wedding). He also LOVES belly bands… for the invitations that we haven’t even picked yet. He has no opinion on what kinds really, he just loves the idea.
Post # 12
Lol – that is exactly what mine will be like, I’m sure!
Post # 13
I’m a control freak that just gets overwhelmed and would WISH FI could help out a bit. If I do want him to do anything, I tell him what I need and where to look. So maybe if you want letterpress places, if you need help *finding* places, as him to make you a list, if you need more specific info on certain places (or places after he finds them) then give him a list of places to research and exactly what info you need. .. baby steps.. hahaha
Post # 14
Give him something with specific instructions. Like transportation. I told my husband (then FI) that we had x amount of people in our bridal party, so we needed to find ONE (not two…) limo that would hold everyone. We’d need it for approximately x hours, and we needed a way to get from the reception place to the hotel. I told him to find transportation companies and price it out.
He was actually pretty good at this…he put it in a spreadsheet, and we ended up picking our transportation vendor pretty easily. The more specific instruction you give him, the easier it will be for him to find things.
Post # 15
I think the moral of the story is that I need to be more patient. I get so overwhelmed trying to figure out how to explain all the details to him that eventually I just end up doing it. Perhaps if I do all the initial research he can be incharge of finishing up or following-up!
Post # 16
@Miss_JD: oooh – I could NOT have had DH google anything. 😉 He would have spent way too much time and energy and gotten very frustrated. It’s kind of a funny balance of figuring out how to involve your FI without going crazy or it being another ‘to do’ item. Keep trying different things and it will all make sense along the way. For instance – with invites – we went hunting through samples and ended up either yay’ing or nay’ing our favorites. We ended up ditching that route all together and did our own. I researched fonts and came up with 3 favorite fonts and he picked the one we used… I guess it’s all to say – do your research, figure out what it is that you want (with some wiggle room) and then get his input.